I want regular sex but not a relationship

[ButteredStrumpetWithJam]

I'm in my 50s and have realised I just don't have the headspace or time for a relationship, but I'm really missing sex and flirty male company. My ideal scenario would be a hot man who is on the other end of the phone to come round when I call for sex, do some chores, fuck me, feed me, then fuck off and leave me alone until the next time I call him for sex.

Seriously though, I'd love to meet up once a week maybe once a fortnight, they can cut the grass (or another job I hate), have something to eat (that they buy or prepare), have sex, and if they don't snore they can sleep over. Maybe sex in the morning then they leave. I've had this FWB scenario 3 times in my life and it worked well for me, but these were years ago and I feel out of touch with how to find one of these men now.

What's the most stress-free way of finding someone for this? Do I just go onto an OLD site and state what I'm looking for? I'm a bit concerned about my age making me "invisible" TBH, and I don't want someone married as I don't want to facilitate cheating, so any ideas please?

Men form an orderly queue we have a real find here...🤣🤣

In my experience, the limiting factor is the population of alright men whom you'd want to have around / in your house / in your knickers.

@SenselessUbiquity
You're not wrong there, it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack 🙁I'm just so glad I'm not looking for a husband! Saying that, the last 2 I found on OLD were hot. One I saw 4 times and although I didn't like him much as a person I really enjoyed having sex with him (he was in very good shape and I'm very visual!), and the other lasted 6 months (he was beautiful naked too 😍)

There is probably also a limiting factor in terms of repeat encounters, in that a lot of men really do get a kick out of literal first time encounters

Ah, but so do I. There is something very exciting about the first shag with a new man 😛

This is a classic reverse…

I don't know where you would find such a man op but if you do then let me know. Sounds like a great arrangement.

Cannot believe all the posters on here who are outraged a woman would dare ask a man to bring some food, or do a small domestic task in return for getting laid. Someone will be calling Ammesty International in a minute😂

What you are looking for is called a "service sub" and they do exist, I had one for a while but I didn't like it much. I actually want to spend time with someone, not sit around doing nothing while they clean the bathroom.
Anyway, try FetLife,

@VanGoghsDog thank you, I'll look into that 🙂I've dabbled with sub/domme in the past and although it was strangely fun at the time it wasn't really my scene. I found subs being passive very mentally draining as they'd want me to control everything whilst they could simply relax and wait for the next instruction. Was that how it was with your ex?

fabswingers might be of interest to you
Thanks @yesterdayisgone I'll check that out 🙂

because over the years I've been hurt by men getting rather a lot from me for little effort from them

Cannot believe all the posters on here who are outraged a woman would dare ask a man to bring some food, or do a small domestic task in return for getting laid

Because what OP should be getting out of this FWB arrangement is great sex, as should he. All this ' his reward for mowing the lawn is sex with me' feeds into a narrative that women don't really like sex but give it to men in return for something else. Which rather leaves men power in the sexual encounter that they have, in effect, purchased.

No, if its really equal, you both get to discuss and agree on mutually great sex, that neither have purchased or are being rewarded with. Surely that's real equality?

some men might go for that, others would ( I suspect), just tell you to f’ off.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow you're probably right, that's why I put "ideal scenario" as that's my fantasy, but realistically...
A bit like if money was no object I'd start a women's refuge and an animal sanctuary, but neither's going to happen on my wage

You've raised a good point about how they might consider the sex if they've already done something for me 🤔I must admit when I had FWB in the past I'd supply the booze (and the stress-free no strings sex, which would be a pretty big deal for many women) and they'd supply the food. The dynamic must feel right though.

As for me doing their laundry and ironing!? Hell no! I hate ironing with a passion and have you seen the price of electric lately?! 😆But seriously, I choose to live alone to I don't have "wife work" like that. I'd be happy to make encouraging noises and make them a cuppa whist they cut the grass though (or I could bugger around on MN)😁

Why do we have to imagine? Women post every day on here about being used in this way.

Exactly @Naunet And, unlike any man I've ever encountered on OLD, at least I'd have the decency to be honest and up front about what I wanted from the relationship. Not like the huge numbers of men who say they want a romantic relationship then ghost women as soon as they've had sex.

Please just ignore all the naysayers, this is very achievable and there are lots of men who would love this situation.

I echo fabswingers or adultfriendfinder. Do lots and lots of sifting and vetting. Meet in the day in a coffee shop first and be clear that you won't be having sex on the first meeting. Ask directly if someone is single and insist on visiting their home. Be clear about what you want and cut off at the first sign of red flags or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

My kitchen was refitted by a man I had this kind of arrangement with, and he would bring takeaway and wine. He knew he was lucky and so did I.

I posted about this kind of arrangement previously and it does upset people for some reason. Either they're convinced you will fall in love (didn't), don't think you can tell when someone is married (can) or they think it's cheap and you're giving away "free sex" which ironically shows them to be the ones with the transactional mindset.

Personally, I wouldn’t put on a dating profile that you are looking for NSA/FWB, you will just be swapped with messages from scumbags that will mostly be married. I also would not supply any booze as this may hamper the man’s ability. Just put up a normal dating profile and get lots of chats going, you should be able to find someone to meet your needs without being so explicit on your profile. Good luck!

I very much know what you mean, OP. I'm very, very happy single. But it would be jolly nice to not have to be celibate along with it.

Plus, and maybe I'm wrong here, but I think genuine no strings, no hassle sex is high value in the minds of many men.
With all due respect you’re over 50. The ‘high value’ idea is now about 20 years out of date.

I didn't say he was perfect, I was laying out how his preferences matched the OP's request.

And I said in the first para - I didn't like the arrangement. There were also other things that didn't suit me.

But if you think he's perfect for you, he's single.....and he's 54.

The guy who did that for me didn't see it that way at all. He saw it that he wanted to please me and make my life easy and that if he did that well he might be rewarded.

As I said, it didn't work for me, but I gather it can and does work for many people.

Thanks for the tips @Besttobe8001 and @WomanHere 😎

Interesting to hear your experiences too @Besttobe8001 🙂I do find it odd that on the one hand we often hear "expect more from men, you are the prize" from posters when an OP is talking about romantic relationships, but when I expect a man to bring something small to the table other than his cock, when I'm offering valuable (to men) no stress no strings sex, I'm somehow delusional. Looking at it with a transactional head it's still a bloody good deal for the man!

The two most upsetting things to me about being on tinder (I didn't get much actual sexual abuse, which is not my friends' experience, don't know why) were:

1 - how much so many men despise women

Like only wanting them for sex, doing their housework and cooking, and then telling them to fuck off for example?

I'm sure you get some mail over this. Haha.

I hope the best for you. If I were other men, I would be hoot and hollering for your enthusiastic desire for hell. But, I just don't see it otherwise. Not sure if it is real or not but if you could get over yourself or something that would be good

My bio on tinder is "if a man isn't feeding me, fucking me, or financing me, I'm probably not interested".

I promise it works

With all due respect you’re over 50. The ‘high value’ idea is now about 20 years out of date.

@PloppyMouth this is why I posted really, to see if my ideal scenario was realistic. Although I'm physically very much like I was 20/30 years ago (apart from facial ageing obviously) I'm still very aware of my age and how low value older women are to men and society. It's mainly why I haven't dipped my toe back into the OLD etc pool yet.

Surely the point is in this scenario the woman sees herself as 'the prize'

If that's the case so be it but then don't bleat about equality in the next sentence.

@LauraNicolaides I know tongue in cheek doesn't come across online but I'm not actually going to tell them to fuck off! 🙄I would simply be honest about what I do and don't want, so "no strings", not inviting them to spend the whole weekend, so "you can stay over if you like, but I have work to do tomorrow so I'll need you out by lunchtime OK?". And "I don't have time or headspace to chat a lot throughout the week so apologies in advance for radio silence". It would all have to be respectfully negotiated. What I don't want is someone staying all weekend and/or wanting to chat online everyday for hours.