Divorce financial settlement

[Omgitsme]

Hello

I am getting divorced and need to come to a financial agreement

After people's thoughts

We have two kids, 6 and 12 (boy girl)
I am the main breadwinner £39000
House worth £280000 ‐ mortgage left £85000
I am male
Pension £80000

My wife

Currently does not work, though might be getting a job (will be less a lot less than me)

Quit her job as she found it to stressful (agrued with staff there)
There is nothing stopping her from getting a better job, I can work childcare around it

Pension £0

She is instigating the divorce

Kids will live with me,
I will live in the marital home with them

She will visit most days for dinner and have kids eow

I was not planning on pursuing childmaintenance

What would be a fair financial settlement?

Why will the kids live with you? Why only EoW for her.
where will she live?

not sure how it works in England but in Scotland the starting premise is 50/50 on financials, including your pension. Regardless as to who owns what.
if she wanted 50/50 residency she’d likely get it. You could be made to sell the house so she gets her financial share. That’s a lot of equity to split.

if she doesn’t have a job the most you’d get is £5 a month from her and they don’t chase that up

Why will you not have the kids 50/50? She's entitled to half of all assets.

How long were you married? Did either of you bring any assets into the marriage?

She could go for 50/50. You could be made to sell the house so she can have a place where she can see the children EOW with their own bedrooms. Where is she moving to? She can also take half your pension with any other assets or savings you have. I would get a good lawyer for yourself as she will probably want one too so things are done equally and within the law.

Kids will live with me,
I will live in the marital home with them

How did you both come to that agreement? There's a very good chance she'll backtrack rapidly, especially after she's had some legal advice. Rightly or wrongly, it's not the norm, and will raise eyebrows, judge might even refuse to sign it off. Could even claim that you're controlling and bullied her into it.

And then you'll find yourself in the reverse scenario - she has primary care of the kids, gets most of the house equity and half your pension.

If your wife has no income then how is she going to afford a house of her own large enough to accommodate the kids every other weekend?

Normally you'd start at 50/50 split of childcare and the marital assets, and work from there - parent taking on primary care getting a bigger share. But in the circumstances you describe that'd leave your wife with very little.

How long has she not worked for, and how come she has zero pension of her own? That makes it sound like she's always been the primary carer/stay at home parent. The courts typically try to maintain stability for the kids, so unless she's absolutely willing to walk away from that responsibility, I don't think it'll play out as you're describing.

Reverse the sexes and you’d be told to house the kids you need more than half the house equity and your ex should be paying you child maintenance (even if not working, although it’d be a very small amount in that case).

id expect to lose half your pension

Hello

The kids would rather stay in the house and would also stay with me in answer to some of the questions before

I am going to propose the following to her for financial settlement

Cash £40000
Pension £40000
House - when youngest turns 18 she can request its sold and get an additional £40000

I will need to take extra onto the mortgage to give her the cash, this is the max I can afford

What does your wife want? Where is she going to go?

I'm answer to a previous question she has worked throughout the marriage but has not worked since covid, think she got used to being off during that time

I have asked and she has not said as of yet which is why I was after ideas of a split

You can propose what you like, but I imagine your wife will appoint a solicitor and the financial arrangements will be agreed by the courts. You need to speak to a solicitor of your own.

I think you mistakenly feel that you have some kind of control over what will happen financially and that it's in your hands to organise. It really isn't, I'm afraid.

Here’s the thing. You seem to have planned it out in your head without thinking about legal advice, and assuming she will take this no problem.
Most divorces are clean breaks for a reason, both party’s get a chance to start afresh with the marital assets split fairly. It’s not fair on ether party, esp the one not living in the home to have cash tied up until youngest is 18 when they need to set up own life. Also have you even thought about how much the house will go up in value-you will owe her more than £40000.

I would tell you to do one. Both get lawyers, get the house sold & pension split equally. Kids 50/50
The end. Move on

You are using your income as a weapon, take it from me, it doesn't matter what you can 'afford' if the person who usually looks after the children wants to continue to look after the children, then that should be the case and their (children and main carer) needs get priority. From what you have said It sounds like you think because you can afford to keep the house on, then you get priority over the children

One party being able to stay in the marital home is a luxury few split families can afford. You both need to somewhere to live to house the dc when you have them. Unless there's a lot of extra money in the pot, that tends to mean selling the house, and splitting the equity as deposit on 2 cheaper houses.

So you give her £120000 total maybe with the final payment in 10 years and she gets no pension. That’s not even50% of the home.

Id tell you to get stuffed

So she wasn’t home schooling or looking after you, the home and the children then - she just sat on her arse all day watching tv?

Not all mothers want the kids after a split. No reason why op can't be the resident parent

If she's instigating the split and doesn't want more contact I'd be giving her the bare minimum.

She is entitled to half of the equity of the house and half of your pension if she doesn't have any. You should also look at the value of your state pensions. Half of any savings if there are any. It doesn't matter that she has initiated divorce. A solicitor will point out to her that she should be looking for a job.

Yes, that's been one of the problems

I've been working then coming home, making dinner, washing up, doing the kids homework whilst she just goes upstairs and plays with her phone

Is your wife unwell? Mentally?

I worry about what has happened to her for her to only want to sit on her arse all day?!

It sounds like she has given up on life.

@elfgen since when did being a stay at home parent mean sitting on your arse all day? Amazing how the shopping, laundry, housework, childcare, house and social admin get done all by itself.
OP get proper legal advice.

How old is the youngest?

I have nothing useful to contribute about the finances but I don’t think the childcare arrangements are sustainable:

*Kids will live with me,
I will live in the marital home with them

She will visit most days for dinner and have kids eow*

So many things wrong with this.

Of course the children want to stay in their current home. It’s what they know and change is frightening. But that natural feeling shouldn’t be used as a weapon to deny their mother shared care.

How dreadful for her to come round for dinner like a guest in her former home to make painful and awkward conversation over dinner and then be sent away again. Cruel for everyone.

Then what will happen if you get a new partner? Are you all going to have dinner together? That’ll be fun.

Come on now. Is this to punish her?

Think again. Proper shared care, precise division to be negotiated between you. Two proper homes for the children, close to each other to facilitate the shared care. No joint dinners except for special occasions if you’re both amenable.