Divorce financial settlement

[Omgitsme]

Hello

I am getting divorced and need to come to a financial agreement

After people's thoughts

We have two kids, 6 and 12 (boy girl)
I am the main breadwinner £39000
House worth £280000 ‐ mortgage left £85000
I am male
Pension £80000

My wife

Currently does not work, though might be getting a job (will be less a lot less than me)

Quit her job as she found it to stressful (agrued with staff there)
There is nothing stopping her from getting a better job, I can work childcare around it

Pension £0

She is instigating the divorce

Kids will live with me,
I will live in the marital home with them

She will visit most days for dinner and have kids eow

I was not planning on pursuing childmaintenance

What would be a fair financial settlement?

Thanks for this, the bit at the bottom was interesting, think I'm reading it right and might do something similar

It's not that 'you will do something similar' .... you are only one half of the negotiations
You may propose something similar. If she has any sense, she will refuse and push for 50:50 with her share now. Is your wife currently depressed? It seems very unusual to have so little interest in both her children and also in having any money, considering she doesn't work.

I am well aware that I am only half of the negotiation thankyou

However I would like to come up with a proposal for her to respond to

I came to the mumsnet to get some voices on if it seemed fair or not,

I will also be taking on most of the future financial costs of the kids as getting money off her in the future will be hard ad I am aware her finances will be limited

However she would just need to support herself which would make life a lot easier for her

There is something about your tone that is so off. I hope your wife is alright.

Fair is 50/50. If she wants care free as you say, plus wants to protect the children she can agree to a lower settlement and/or a mesher order on the house. If the situation was reversed people here would have a different opinion. I personally think dividing the pension, a lump sum now plus an agreed lump sum in x years is fair if you are housing the children and giving her access to the family home

You have nearly £200k in equity but you think her solicitor is going to let her accept £40k cash?

You are the higher earner and the practise is to put you on as equal a footing as possible as you go back into the real world. You need to be looking nearer the £100k mark which may mean you need to sell. This may make a real difference to what your children want to do.

He is only the higher earner because she refuses to work at all

I think it's refreshing to be honest OP - although this is a predominately female forum where the woman in a relationship can do no wrong so you aren't going to get impartial, fair or reasonable advice on here

Personally I think your opening offer is very fair, although courts are very reluctant to make a clean financial break when there are two parents who could have incomes. I would expect for her solicitor to push back for a greater share of the equity when your youngest hits 18 - 12 years is a long time in the housing market. And whatever is said here you know your wife and what she wants. A lot of the comments above would be very different if you were female.

It's my understanding that I do not need ti make her an equal offer as such (saying without being nasty)

If it goes to court the judge would take the welfare of the children into account

And if its decided that the children would be better served staying in the house then I can keep it

She would either need to accept less or a delayed payment, I'm not saying that to be nasty but that is my understanding

Also it was £40 cash + pension + payment later on when kids grow up and house sold

You've said the kids will stay with you several times. But haven't answered whether that is what your wife wants. Is it?

I'm a bit torn on this one. On one hand I think it's refreshing that a man wants to take responsibility for his children, sadly so very rare even now. But on the other side your tone OP is very controlling.

If this were flipped I could well imagine the responses would be that the financial settlement was more than reasonable...

Then I flip to why has your exW not got a job? With wrap around care readily available there's really no excuse to not being earning.

Until you tell us what her thoughts are on this, it's impossible to say whether you're being controlling or on the other hand simply taking control of the situation and trying to come to a pragmatic solution.

The kids and my wife are happy with this

She will have unlimited access to the children

I do not expect childcare to be an issue as such, we get in fine in that respect

It was more the financial settlement that we need to agree on

On one hand I need enough money for the house and the kids on the other it needs to be fair to her

She is leaving me not the other way around

I am hoping she will get a job soon

I am aware she will need a lot of money to live on

But I think this needs to be down to her to resolve and I need to worry about me and the kids

No, the judge doesn't just let you keep the house because the kids don't want to move. You are right, it doesn't have to end up an equal offer, but 50:50 would be the starting point. Then it comes to children's needs - which would usually be a place at both parents. I doubt your wife will stay in this frame of mind for long, once solicitors and friends have had a word with her. Is she depressed?

We take posters at face value when they're women. Seems that we should do the same here.

Perhaps op is sounding 'controlling' because he's fed up of working, doing the childcare and housework while his wife does very little and seems to have checked out of family life?

It might be rare for a woman to act this way, but I'm sure it happens...

Op, you need good financial advice, not just MN advice.

If you have the children and she has them EOW then the usual would be 60/40 equity in your favour.

if she wanted to make sure you were able to keep the house she may agree to less but is that something she has said because usually the house would be sold to create money for you both to buy separate homes.

How else will she survive? You say she "might" be getting a job. How else could this work? a single childless person can't just choose not to work. Even with 40k this wouldn't be feasible.

The evening meals together simply won't work. Don't even entertain that as a viable plan.

Sorry just to clarify

We are going to take professional advice

I asked her what she wanted and she never got back to me

Which is why I came to mumsnet with my proposal for thoughts before I suggest it in the meeting

I did not want to sound ridiculous with an offer

Also just to also clarify

She is the one pushing for the divorce not me

What a load of bitches on this 🤣🤣🤣 why is it unheard of a man keeping the martial home and his kids!!!! A man has just as much right to keep his kids as a woman a father has no less rights as a mother

She wants the divorce he is trying to keep it clean for his children and give them stability that they deserve

I'm thinking the same lol

It doesn't matter who's pushing for the divorce it doesn't affect financials or anything at all reall y

She probably hasn't come back to you as she wants legal advice first.

I don't think you need to worry about sounding ridiculous because you never know, she may agree. But it would be a very very unusual agreement

OP doesn’t sound controlling to me, he sounds like he’s just taken all emotion out of the equation, and is dealing with things clinically, but I can feel the heartbreak is there.

Hope you’re ok OP and have support in real life.

This

To be honest OP I would take this to a more gender balanced forum, much of the advice you receive here will be motivated by prejudice