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Original poster

Divorce financial settlement

105 replies

Omgitsme · 18/05/2022 22:23

Hello

I am getting divorced and need to come to a financial agreement

After people's thoughts

We have two kids, 6 and 12 (boy girl)
I am the main breadwinner £39000
House worth £280000 ‐ mortgage left £85000
I am male
Pension £80000

My wife

Currently does not work, though might be getting a job (will be less a lot less than me)

Quit her job as she found it to stressful (agrued with staff there)
There is nothing stopping her from getting a better job, I can work childcare around it

Pension £0

She is instigating the divorce

Kids will live with me,
I will live in the marital home with them

She will visit most days for dinner and have kids eow

I was not planning on pursuing childmaintenance

What would be a fair financial settlement?

OP posts:
FuchsAndMöhr · 19/05/2022 23:36

Wow - the advice sure is different to what it would be if the OP were a woman 🤨

Get a lawyer OP!

Opentooffers · 19/05/2022 23:38

Half of your current pension seems fair - £40 000 now to bung on your mortgage seems an amount based on what you can afford rather than what she should get - £140000 ie half of current home value. You are then proposing to give her £40000 when the house is sold when youngest is 18 - quite a paltry amount compared to what you will get for the house by then and still only £80 000 in total when she is entitled to £140 000 now, and would have to wait years for half of it.
Tbh, if I was her, it would be a no from me, but it's a starting point which needs work and if that's the best you can do, just have to sell the house, regardless.

Opentooffers · 19/05/2022 23:41

Actually, half current equity would be fair, so half of £195 000 - you're still under a bit, but it's up to her.

Opentooffers · 19/05/2022 23:43

Maybe try a higher figure when you come to sell the home?

Original poster
Omgitsme · 20/05/2022 21:51

easyday · 19/05/2022 23:24

@elfgen since when did being a stay at home parent mean sitting on your arse all day? Amazing how the shopping, laundry, housework, childcare, house and social admin get done all by itself.
OP get proper legal advice.

I do the shopping, meal planning, bulk of the washing and general house tidying

OP posts:
Original poster
Omgitsme · 20/05/2022 21:54

elfgen · 19/05/2022 23:06

Is your wife unwell? Mentally?

I worry about what has happened to her for her to only want to sit on her arse all day?!

It sounds like she has given up on life.

She does do stuff but seems to be more along the lines of going out enjoying herself(not in a partying way, doing nice clubs and stuff)

I think if she did leave she would be in for a financial shock but would also enjoy the freedom of less day to day problems with the kids

OP posts:
lassof · 20/05/2022 21:59

Omgitsme · 19/05/2022 19:10

I am going to propose the following to her for financial settlement

Cash £40000
Pension £40000
House - when youngest turns 18 she can request its sold and get an additional £40000

I will need to take extra onto the mortgage to give her the cash, this is the max I can afford

It doesn't work that way. That's why most of the time, the house is sold and both buy a smaller house. I don't think you can afford to stay there unless you can access other cash. I'd start by imagining a full 50:50 split right now. Can you afford to buy her out?

lassof · 20/05/2022 21:59

Omgitsme · 19/05/2022 19:10

I am going to propose the following to her for financial settlement

Cash £40000
Pension £40000
House - when youngest turns 18 she can request its sold and get an additional £40000

I will need to take extra onto the mortgage to give her the cash, this is the max I can afford

It doesn't work that way. That's why most of the time, the house is sold and both buy a smaller house. I don't think you can afford to stay there unless you can access other cash. I'd start by imagining a full 50:50 split right now. Can you afford to buy her out?

Yorkie88 · 20/05/2022 22:56

Is she happy with that arrangement in terms of coming round for dinner? Would feel incredibly odd and uncomfortable to me...and surely confusing for the kids? You don't sound very fond on her to be honest so can't imagine you tolerating one another over dinner every night will be great for the kids? Money wise....I don't think it sounds a million miles off but it will be decided for you. The needs of the children come first so she will need enough to have a suitable home for them to stay etc.

Original poster
Omgitsme · 20/05/2022 23:03

Yorkie88 · 20/05/2022 22:56

Is she happy with that arrangement in terms of coming round for dinner? Would feel incredibly odd and uncomfortable to me...and surely confusing for the kids? You don't sound very fond on her to be honest so can't imagine you tolerating one another over dinner every night will be great for the kids? Money wise....I don't think it sounds a million miles off but it will be decided for you. The needs of the children come first so she will need enough to have a suitable home for them to stay etc.

As I said previously the children will live mainly with me

We get on fine together, though we have had our moments, she mainly wants a more care free life

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 21/05/2022 07:59

She seems to have a pretty care free life as it is. How is the setup with her visiting for dinner and having the kids on weekends, while having to find the money to find her living on her own going to be easier for her?

is there someone else? If she is planning to live with a new partner that is relevant to the financial split also.

You need legal advice. It’s all based on the needs of the children. The starting point is 50/50 but if the children are only staying with her on weekends, then it’s possible that you will get more of the equity as she won’t need a 3-bed property. If she decides to have the kids more, she will be deemed to need a bigger home.

LemonTT · 21/05/2022 08:09

You will both continue to be parents but they will split their time between your new homes. Even if the children spend much less time with their mum.

This means you will both have broadly the same housing needs as parents. This will be a 2-3 bed property close to schools.

Although she doesn’t work atm, an assumption has to be made that she can work unless she has a condition that prevents it. There will also be an assumption that you do claim child support and other benefits to maximise your income.

A lot depends on the cost of local property to rent or buy post divorce. On the one hand you have higher expenses because the children live with you but you potentially have a high household income.

There is no real benefit for her in the offer you are making, especially in regards to the pension and a deferred payout from the house in 12+ years. She may as well just get half the pension in the future , half the equity and half the savings now.

The case for a mesher order seems week, unless you both agree to it. Because with your salary, universal credit, child benefit and child support there is no reason why you couldn’t rent or buy.

LemonTT · 21/05/2022 08:19

The other thing wrong with your offer to payout £40k from the house in 12+ years is that it will be worth far less than £40k in 12 years due to inflation. The house will be worth far more than £280k. She would be entitled to a share not a fixed payment and she would be very stupid and ill advised not to ask for it.

It is also very difficult to capitalise child support should you offer not to claim for more equity. There is no way she would be advised to agree to it and you couldn’t force it on her. For her to agree you would need to be giving her a huge capital payout now. Which you aren’t offering.

DeskInUse · 21/05/2022 08:21

Speak to a solicitor op, the starting point is always 50/50, but when children are involved they come first, however both parents need to put a roof over their heads also, it's complicated, especially when the only earner is the primary carer.

You can't go after cm if she's not working, but if she starts working, which she may have to do if she needs to rent, then you should, if she's only seeing the dc eow.

comfortablyfrumpy · 21/05/2022 08:25

I think you need legal advice before you see or do anything.

comfortablyfrumpy · 21/05/2022 08:25

*say not see

Gotmynewshoes · 21/05/2022 08:35

I think you might be in for a financial shock too

Darhon · 21/05/2022 08:38

Set up mediation. I think that’s a good starting point and worth avoiding court. I think a solicitor hearing you are making an offer would also suggest a non-court route

newbiename · 21/05/2022 08:51

Why would you only give her £40000of a £280 (worth now) house ?
Can you access your pension now to give her half ?

Portiasparty · 21/05/2022 08:52

You need to see a lawyer as what's logical isn't the same as what the courts decide.

Eaglesnest12 · 21/05/2022 09:23

You really should see a solicitor, you need a consent order registered in court otherwise your arrangements could be challenged later. They will advise you on a split. Also maybe move this to Divorce board for better advice. The starting point is a 50: 50 split of all assets, however the need to house the children is the most important factor. You could maybe argue for a 70:30 split of the assets. Your equity plus pension is £275k, starting point you would get £137.5k and need to pay her £137.k so only a little more than your offer. If you got 70% it would be £192.5k so you would pay her only £82.5k which is much less than your offer. My exH took a charge over the marital home for the amount I owed him and loan interest was added. I repaid this when youngest reached 18.

Peoniesandcream · 21/05/2022 09:43

If the roles were reversed and I've seen it plenty of times on here "I work full time, come home and DH dissapears upstairs so I have to sort out kids/ housework etc and he doesn't even work ". Everyone would be saying, you have kids most of the time when you split, keep the house, he can stand on his own 2 feet and have a small payout. If the mother doesn't want to work or have her children full time then she can get herself a flat and no she's not entitled to more. I think you're being very generous!

lassof · 21/05/2022 10:37

Peoniesandcream · 21/05/2022 09:43

If the roles were reversed and I've seen it plenty of times on here "I work full time, come home and DH dissapears upstairs so I have to sort out kids/ housework etc and he doesn't even work ". Everyone would be saying, you have kids most of the time when you split, keep the house, he can stand on his own 2 feet and have a small payout. If the mother doesn't want to work or have her children full time then she can get herself a flat and no she's not entitled to more. I think you're being very generous!

erm no, most people would be saying 'watch out, he might claim to be the primary caregiver' ... start logging everything you do quick smart.

Original poster
Omgitsme · 21/05/2022 12:22

Thanks for the messages

We are both booked to see a solicitor,

Before that I have been wondering in my head what is a fair settlement

There is nothing stopping her from working, as I said previously I can work the childcare around work as there is an after school club they could attend

OP posts:
Original poster
Omgitsme · 21/05/2022 12:25

Reading other posts I think a percentage of the house could be fairer for her to have in the future if she agrees

If we sold I would be unable to buy a house here, we live in an lovely (expensive) town

It would be a two bedroom flat which would be rather hard with kids

OP posts: