Would you forgive her for cheating/one night stand?

[fantalimon]

My girlfriend of two years has admitted to cheating on me. She went on a work night out in another city, that ended up in a nightclub. There she got absolutely wasted, to the point she could barely talk.

I was sent a video by a work colleague, of her dancing with a man in the club. So I confronted her when she came , and she admitted to it. And was very apologetic. She admitted to still being drunk when we had this conversation, as she had just got the train back to see me. She denied having done anything else.

Later that day, when I pushed for more info, she burst into tears and admitted to having had sex with him. She was very very apologetic, and said how scared she was of losing me. I feel like someone has taken a bite out of me. I just randomly want to cry.

I have agreed to try and forgive, but under the express term that if this ever happens again, she is out. We were even talking about moving in together, but now I don't know what to do. I still love her, but not as much as I did.

I wouldn’t but that’s just me. I know if I did forgive we’d row and I would bring it that they had sex with someone else

Dump the bitch.

Nah

I couldn’t forgive

I wouldn't forgive it. I wouldn't trust her not to do it again.

Once the trust has gone the relationship is over IMO

She’ll do it again, they always do!

Trust is a big thing for me.

The thing that is making me want to forgive, is that she was almost passed out drunk. She blacked out for bits of it, and said she definitely said no at the start. He insisted he went home with her and got into her taxi as she was taking herself home.

This is not the best forum to ask this question - mumsnet is just a little biased when it comes to infidelity.
My husband had an affair last year. I forgave and chose to start together. Our relationship is not, and cannot, be what it once was. However, it is our relationship, we know what we both want and we are both happy. Others can judge, or say they would behave a different way and they might do if they were in the situation.
This is your relationship, only you and your girlfriend can decide what you want. You don’t need to make that decision now, or even next week. You take it one day at a time, give yourself time to process and grieve and then make the decision that is best for you.
Only you know you and her and your relationship.

I’d also be wanting to find out more, as it sounds like she wasn’t in a fit state to consent - she will need support if that is the case.

I couldn't and especially wouldn't if I wasn't living with them/ had kids involved, it makes it easier to walk away.
Being drunk is no excuse.

The times I've been drunk and I've been able to turn down sexual offers, you still know right from wrong.

it sounds like she wasn’t in a fit state to consent

Well, she would say that, wouldn’t she?

Yes, @Libertaire, which is why I said he needs to find out more. I am well aware of ‘the script’, but I know nothing about her, only he does. Therefore he needs to have a conversation with her and judge for himself the veracity of what she is telling him - we can’t do that as we don’t know her.

The thing that is making me want to forgive, is that she was almost passed out drunk.

Has she said she'll never drink again? Of her own accord?

Do you think she might have been spiked?

If she said no and was blacking out but he insisted then that isn't just being tipsy and making a regrettable decision. Have you asked whether she wants to report this?

Careful, he has seen the video of her blind drunk.

OP only you can decide this. It does sound a bit complex though as what your partner is describing is rape.

I think you both need time and support right now. Do you have someone close who you can trust to talk to? Please don’t think I am trying to minimise the hurt you are feeling, you are absolutely entitled to whatever feelings you have.

Honestly I would suggest your girlfriend contacts rape crisis to talk through her experience and that you take the time you need to work out what you want to do.

Shame the work colleague didn’t think to protect her from rape

But you are not everyone, we don’t know how drunk she was or if her drink was spiked or what her psyche is, maybe she is used to being coerced. Maybe not, maybe she got very drunk and consented to sex but it doesn’t sound like it.

Quite. And sending a video? What an arse.

I asked my girlfriend if she thought it was rape, and she said no. Obviously I have let her know that I am here to support her, but it's still painful.

it sounds like she wasn’t in a fit state to consent

Well, she would say that, wouldn’t she?

I hope you're never on a rape jury.

It sounds like she might have been raped!

So she was raped.

So the colleague filmed her when she was possibly too drunk to consent?