First time poster. I wasn't going to post here but I think I need to hear mostly female perspectives so it's probably the best place.
Married with two teenage children. Childhood sweethearts (first together 33 years ago) but we both went and had other relationships before we eventually came back to one another and got married. Best friends. There's nobody in the world I'd rather spend time with. We communicate well, we're attracted to one another, there's complete trust between us.
Our issue is our mismatched libidos. Mine is very active, my wife's is on life support. When we have sex it's usually great. Loving, with a deep connection, we both get a lot of it. But she can go without it for weeks whereas I find that very difficult.
As a result, my advances are often rejected. It's very unpredictable when she'll be open to sex. We could go on a night out, or spend the day together, it doesn't necessarily lead to anything. We talk about it a lot. My wife acknowledges she has "blockages". Finds it very difficult to get aroused initially or to be in the moment. Her awareness of our kids in the house is an issue for her (although I doubt they can hear anything) but she's not often open to daytime sex either when they're both at school. For my part I talk or joke about sex too much, which she sometimes takes as pressure. I'm working on that. We would see a sex therapist but we don't know what they'd say. We talk about it. We tell each other what we want. We're both present in the marriage. Housework is 5050. We have good kids and no stresses in life.
Lately our work schedules have shifted so that we may only have 1, perhaps 2 nights a week together where we go to bed at the same time. While I'm always hopeful something might happen, I try not to project or mention it, as I know that doesn't help. More recently though on those nights we're together there's been a very minor disagreement early in the evening that's spoiled the mood between us. We're fine the next day but I've found the disagreements incredibly disappointing and frustrating. It's just one more thing to come between us at the moment.
When it last happened four nights ago, something in me switched. I was done with it all (not the marriage, just the constant unpredictability and rejection). When that's happened before I withdraw all affection. A bit like I'm punishing her, because she loves cuddles and I'm very touch feely with her. "See! How do you like it?" Usually in a day or two I get over it, we laugh, and the cycle begins again. This time however I'm four days in and have no desire to back down. My wall has gone up. She could tell the day after it happened I was upset, and she suggested we be spontaneous and go and get a hotel room that night. I said I didn't want to and meant it (normally that would be amazing but normally she would never suggest it). The constant rejection hurts over time and sometimes I just don't want to be understanding. Maybe the wall will come down in another day or two, maybe I really am done.