Shared a bed with married colleague…

[Bueno89]

I started a new job a few months ago and found myself to gravitate towards a more senior married male colleague at monthly post-work drinks - we had a lot of banter.

Fast forward to last week where we’re attending an exhibition for the company and I get stuck with a colleague me and the more senior colleague have a mutual dislike for in the evening - the more senior colleague then invites me back to his hotel to have dinner with him to ‘rescue’ me. I get an Uber to the station to get my train home but I missed my train and the hotel my colleague was staying in had no rooms left available. He insisted he would sleep on the floor and I could have the bed so we did that and just spent ages chatting. However, he then got uncomfortable so joined me on the bed.

it got touchy so he brought up that it was crossing a line as both work and the fact he is married with kids and I’m in a long term relationship. We discussed we had both thought about it but he said he didn’t think it would ever happen as I was ‘young and hot’ and because of our relationships. We ended up kissing and a lot of touching but I stopped it going further and explained aside from morally, I also didn’t want to ruin our working relationship. I asked if he would feel guilty after and he didn’t know but said he just knew it would be really good.

I insisted we shouldn’t despite attempts and then in the morning I ended up doing engaging in foreplay. We then didn’t really talk about it until he left and said it wouldn’t be weird at work etc. he then hugged me and said to let him know I had got home.

We’ve messaged back and forth a little in Teams at work but haven’t discussed what happened. It’s still jokey but I feel awkward that things won’t be the same when we’re back in the office. He hasn’t increased how often we chat or changed his demeanour.

The worst part is that I have no regret as to what happened and feel like I wish I had let it go further. I can’t stop thinking about it and don’t know if I should bring it up when I next see him. He hasn’t said anything, but I don’t know if it’s because I insisted on it not happening so he thinks there’s no chance or it might make me uncomfortable, or if he just regrets it? I don’t know if it was an ego boost or if he would ever want more.

Why are you posting ? What advice do you think you will get ?
He is married with kids ~ leave him alone .

leave your long term partner, he deserves better than this and a chance with someone who respects him.

That’s adorable. Bless you both!

I would stay well away from this man myself and change jobs if I couldn't. You've crossed a line you can't uncross. He's married and I wouldn't want to be anyone's bit on the side. You also owe your partner that. That's just me though. Might not be what you'd want to do.

Did you not see where dinner in his hotel was leading, or missing the train, he was planning this, you resisted temptation this time, keep him at arms length in future.

Absolutely everything about this is so cliche. I cannot even be bothered writing a proper reply I'm so irritated.

oh for goodness sake - I really hope an adult hasn't written this shite

Yuck

And the point of this post is? You had a fiddle with a colleague at work but didn't have full penetrative sex. You've both cheated on your partners and now what?

What kind of reaction are you hoping for? You come across as either naive or stupid

He’s married, you’re in a long term relationship. If you’re not happy leave your partner and look for someone else, but not your married colleague

Be honest with yourself what you want to happen next.

And then consider if you still find him so attractive knowing that he is a liar and happy to cheat on his entire family including small children.

Someone who is willing yo do that would instantly lose all attraction for me, I'd just view him as a lowest common denominator scumbag, not the impressive senior person you currently think he is.

I also got from your OP that he's manipulative and not averse to putting pressure on you securely.

Regardless of the morals of what you've done, how can you still fancy such a piece of crap? Set your bar higher.

And I agree you should come clean with your boyfriend and split up with him. Your cursory mentions of him tell me he doesn't even feature in your thought process, so let him free to be with someone who might care about him more

Really ?

You both cheated . I dont know what you expect from this thread
The end

Oh wow, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...

Why would you go back to his hotel after missing your train? It was obvious where it was leading. I feel sorry for both your partners, they deserve better than you.

You're acting like it was ok because you didn't actually have sex, if challenged would you say "nothing happened" 🙄

Pull yourself together you're behaving like an idiot. People like you give women a bad name. Do you want to spend your weekends babysitting someone else's kids and dealing with an angry ex-wife?

This won't go down well op. I would perhaps look into a counsellor you sound conflicted and as if you are unsure about what you want in life. The older college is likely not the issue its more you are seeking something you don't have in your life. Counselling may support you to deal with this.

If it happened again, do you think it would be a one off? Or it would be good and youd be thinking about it once again and have to arrange to see him again? It's never just a one off. You can walk away now without too much harm done (though should be asking yourself questions about your judgement and your relationship) but if you do it again then basically you're actively deciding to have an affair with a married man

I’m not sure what advice you’re looking for as I doubt anyone would support your idea of cheating.
He knew what he was up to by inviting you over for dinner. He was hoping it would lead to more. I doubt he will change the way he acts with you and will probably still try to sleep with you. It would be then, once you two have had sex, that he would be different with you. Would say he feels guilty and has a family etc and then he’d cut off contact with you.
You need to try think clearly here. This man has a family. He’s cheated on his wife and kids, he’s probably done it before. They don’t deserve that.
You have a partner who also doesn’t deserve this and you don’t have the same feelings for him so you should think about ending it because it’s really unfair.

Nobody wins in this situation. It might seem fun and exciting just now but it will wear off and you’ll be left feeling terrible for one night of passion.

Aye

😂

You both cheated
And he sounds particularly manipulative and I wouldn't be surprised if he's done this before.
He rescues you by taking you to dinner. Then there's no train home. Then there are no spare hotel rooms (what a surprise). Then he'll sleep on the floor. Then the floor's too uncomfortable (again, what a surprise). Then you start touching etc. It's a practised routine.
And if you really couldn't have foreseen where this was going and made damn sure you got the last train, then you're very naive and he preyed on that.
However, it sounds like you were enjoying it and only started to feel guilty about it afterwards. I think you knew exactly what was going on.

Yes glad I've only had time for coffee and no breakfast yet.

Good grief.

Have an affair with him. It will be fun and no one will get hurt. If it doesn't work out you can just be friends at work.

Do it, you'll be the envy of your workmates, and you'll be considered a star