Ugh. Go on, hit me with a good comeback to this...

[TheEmptyChair]

My boyfriend and I (59 and 48 respectively) occasionally go to a small pub round the corner from his house. It's a great place and he's known the landlady for years so we don't want to stop going.

There is a woman who is always there who is 30. She's gay and, at the weekend was quite obviously flirting with him and told me she is 'smitten' but that I'm safe because she's gay

I know it sounds pathetic but it's just irritating!

Until this declaration at the weekend, she had been content to just stand in front of him, wherever we are sitting, and twerk (I know - classy) and jiggle her breasts in his direction throughout the evening but this weekend, she was intruding on our night out.

I find her irritating. He finds her irritating. It means that an otherwise very enjoyable night out is tainted by this because neither of us wants to sit having a chat or chatting to others with her acting out in front of us.

It's not really serious enough to escalate by 'addressing' it, I just need a comeback for when she's saying stuff to me about him!

Any suggestions..?

Tel lher to get a grip or ask the landlady to tell her to stop showing off and upsetting customers or she will be banned

Is she drunk or mentally ill? I think I'd tell her clearly once to leave you both alone and then film her.

I'd go wirh something like, 'do you realise how irritating you are being'.

And twerking is so last year

Surely it’s up to your boyfriend to tell her he’s not interested and ask her to go away. If she persists, he should ask the landlady to remove her.

Tell her that your going to film her for ticktock embarrassing idiots segment & whip your phone out

can you just sit in silence? When she comments, jiggles, twerks. Just watch silently and when she’s finished go back to what you were doing.
Like make it super awkward for her

Gosh, it sounds so embarrassing.. im cringing for her 😬I don't know if there's anything you can say, I would try and ignore and not let it get to you (easier said that done I know)

At the next twerk pull a face, sniff a couple of times and ask her if she's wiped her bottom properly

You -Do you realise how in appropriate you are being/ look
Her - it's just a bit of fun
You - no , you are making yourself look like a idiot
You - it's not fun it's inappropriate stop now. ( no please)
Her - you are miserable/ boring / insulting name
You - and there you go again making a fool of yourself

Make sure your Dh is on board and backs you up

Ignore? And if she try's to talk to you, we'll, him, he could say sorry, excuse us, we are having a private moment here.

Good luck

Give her a standing ovation yelling "Do it again so everyone can see. It's comedy gold. Well done!". Embarrass the shit out of her.

How annoying !!! Fling a (cheap) pint of beer over her!!

Annoyingly I think she's doing it because she knows it's bothering you and she's getting the attention she wants.

Either ignore or shut her down.

I agree about raising it with the pub owners/managers. She is making you uncomfortable so she is probably doing it to others too.

@TimBoothseyes

Give her a standing ovation yelling "Do it again so everyone can see. It's comedy gold. Well done!". Embarrass the shit out of her.

I think she's like that tbf...

When she does it, look at each other, smirk and nod. Add in to each other, "yes, still thinks it's attractive". Then ignore. As repeated do the smile to each other so she sees she's your joke, the person you laugh about.
She wants attention, but not to be laughed at.

'Oh fuck off Janet. You're making a dick of yourself again'

'Auditions for pole dancing are next week'

'Are you feeling alright?'

'Landlady - I think someone has spiked Janet's drink'

Buy her a bottle of Desperado.

she is 'smitten' but that I'm safe because she's gay

"No, dear, I'm 'safe' because he finds you repugnant."

Or 'why are you sexually harassing my husband?'

I'd go for the "quiet word" and say you didnt want to make it a big thing and sje ses like a noce person so you were hoping to avoid saying anything as you dont want to embarrass her or make her feel awkward... but she needs to stop as she is making him very uncomfortable and while you arent fussed about a bit of OTT flirting, your DH finds it embarrassing and doesnt like it so please can she stop.

Twerks and giggles her boobs at him, wow that is once classy lady. I am embarrassed for her! Ask her if she's in heat.

@Antarcticant

she is 'smitten' but that I'm safe because she's gay

"No, dear, I'm 'safe' because he finds you repugnant."

Thiiiiiissssss

l personally wouldn' t say anything, l would sit there quite cheerfully and when she makes her move, mention he's got the trots and discreetly release a squirt of Liquid Ass prank spray (off amazon), smells absolutely rank, like highly concentrated diarrhea, she' ll soon be off !!

Would ' Oi, wind it in you pissed tart' work?

“Jesus, Audrey, put them away/your arse away. You’re flapping about all over the place like a pigeon in heat. You’re going to give yourself an injury.”

Next time she jiggles her tits tell her you and your husband have given them each a name "Sad and Desperate".