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Original poster

Ugh. Go on, hit me with a good comeback to this...

74 replies

TheEmptyChair · 19/04/2022 16:00

My boyfriend and I (59 and 48 respectively) occasionally go to a small pub round the corner from his house. It's a great place and he's known the landlady for years so we don't want to stop going.

There is a woman who is always there who is 30. She's gay and, at the weekend was quite obviously flirting with him and told me she is 'smitten' but that I'm safe because she's gay Hmm

I know it sounds pathetic but it's just irritating!

Until this declaration at the weekend, she had been content to just stand in front of him, wherever we are sitting, and twerk (I know - classy) and jiggle her breasts in his direction throughout the evening but this weekend, she was intruding on our night out.

I find her irritating. He finds her irritating. It means that an otherwise very enjoyable night out is tainted by this because neither of us wants to sit having a chat or chatting to others with her acting out in front of us.

It's not really serious enough to escalate by 'addressing' it, I just need a comeback for when she's saying stuff to me about him!

Any suggestions..?

OP posts:
Wineat5isfine · 19/04/2022 17:05

@Antarcticant

she is 'smitten' but that I'm safe because she's gay

"No, dear, I'm 'safe' because he finds you repugnant."

This 100%!!
Bpdqueen · 19/04/2022 17:08

She wants attention don't give it you and your bf just turn your heads to each other and keep talking

Flyg · 19/04/2022 17:20

The bottle of Desperado bottle suggestion is brilliant!

stripeyflowers · 19/04/2022 17:25

@Antarcticant

she is 'smitten' but that I'm safe because she's gay

"No, dear, I'm 'safe' because he finds you repugnant."

Ha!! I like it!!
DaffodilsandCoffee · 19/04/2022 17:37

I’m trying to picture this and just can’t. Is the twerking in the context of loud music in the pub and other people dancing too?

Bargoed · 19/04/2022 17:45

Honestly it's sexual harassment a d if it were a bloke would be taken much more seriously. Tell the landlady

TheRocketWillFly · 19/04/2022 17:55

If a man had done this to a random woman it would be sexual harassment. Which this also is. Tell the landlady you want to keep going there, but are thinking not to because of this. It will stop her doing it to other guests too.

iheartmybeachhut · 19/04/2022 18:01

she sounds a complete loon, is she like it with other people in the vicinity?

PegsandBags · 19/04/2022 18:03

I think she fancies YOU, not your bf.

Get seats with your back to her, always. If none available leave. You are both making eye contact with her, so ignore is the best move. If she persists, ask LL to have a word.

mbosnz · 19/04/2022 18:07

I'd be saying, 'for goodness sakes, get some self respect and some class, and leave off harassing people who have come for a quiet drink to enjoy each other's company.'

I also agree with telling the manager that she is harassing patrons, and that it's inappropriate and unacceptable, whether it's a man doing the sexual harassment, or a woman.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 19/04/2022 18:11

Ignore her and avoid eye contact. If she makes that impossible, just say, "would you mind leaving us in peace please, we're having a quiet evening. Ta"

Etm1986 · 19/04/2022 18:19

Is she doing it all the time. She sounds like she's doing it for a rise out of you. I'd do what the other poster said just both carry on talking to her and laughing at each other not her turn your body's to each other not her and just make it obvious your both not interested in what she's doing. Women swoon all over my partner all the time he is very good looking especially older women take every opportunity to tell me how lovely he is. I just say have him if you want you'll soon bring him back🤣

Milomonster · 19/04/2022 18:33

@SarahBellam Grin

I think this is sexual harassment too - it wouldn’t be acceptable if a man jiggled and gesticulated with his willy. Unacceptable. What does your DP say/think?

Ikeptgoing · 19/04/2022 18:59

"We don't care if you are gay straight, bi or pansexual, you are still intruding on our evening and making DH feel uncomfortable. You are sexually harassing pestering whether you have intentions or not"

Ikeptgoing · 19/04/2022 19:00

Also ask the landlord to have a word as she's a sexual pest and harassing both of you when you just want to have a quiet drink.

Onlinetherapist · 19/04/2022 19:10

I don’t think it’s him she’s after!

pizzacutterbun · 19/04/2022 19:29

Sexual harassment. Treat it the same as you would male to female. Ask her to very clearly stop so the line has been drawn and if she does it again report to the landlady and non emergency police

VioletLemon · 19/04/2022 19:53

I find, 'how odd' works wonders. Just smile, say it and walk away.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 19/04/2022 20:16

Just completely ignore it, don't even glance in her direction, both of you. Carry on talking. Both quietly turn away from her in a subtle way - go and talk to someone else, both go to the loo, both go to the bar. Act as if she is invisible and inaudible.

She'll look like a prat and hopefully give up. If she ramps things up, your husband needs to go to the landlord or landlady and complain about her harassing him.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 19/04/2022 20:27

What a loon ! What do you do / say when she does this twerking ?.
She clearly wants attention so don’t give it to her ignore look the other way or if you can’t yawn and sigh / say ‘must you’ in a very dead pan face . Do not laugh it off or shrug off make it obvious that you are not impressed both of you because if you’re laughing it off she thinks you like it or are amused by her .

JustKittenAround · 19/04/2022 21:30

I’d just say “ Can you not? We are talking about something important” And wave my hand dismissively in a manner that shoo’s her away. Then I’d lean in and start focusing on my husband and our conversation.

She’s a loon. You have zero time for loons trust me. Best to just freeze her out in a very direct manner.

Bubbleteaaaaa · 19/04/2022 21:32

@lilkiki

can you just sit in silence? When she comments, jiggles, twerks. Just watch silently and when she’s finished go back to what you were doing. Like make it super awkward for her
This. With maybe a slight eyeroll
Sonaftersonafterson · 19/04/2022 21:50

Gay or not, I wouldn't have this. How embarrassing.

My person reaction would be simply "mate no, you're making yourself look like a cunt". But that's me.

She's a show off and if it is making you uncomfortable, which it would me, fucking tell her! Game over.

ForeverLooking · 19/04/2022 22:30

I'd absolutely blank her. Literally stare right past or through her or turn to face another direction or look away the second she starts her act. I'd have my back to her if possible the whole night. No laughing, smiling, frowning, nothing. It's pure attention seeking, and like with a toddler, you don't acknowledge it. I'm getting second hand embarrassment on her behalf, how incredibly cringe worthy.

mothertrucking · 19/04/2022 22:35

Tell her she might be smitten but your OH thinks she's a dick.

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