Met online date today and.....

[PawPaw333]

His teeth were so fucking awful.
He's lovely in every other respect, decent, good looking, respectful.. But once he opens his mouth I couldn't get past the teeth.
They are crooked, gappy and badly discoloured.
Am I being shallow here? I liked everything else about him.

@HaggisBurger

Teeth are a big thing for me. In this day and age there is no excuse for having poor teeth really. Get em cleaned & whitened at the v least. It would be a hard no from me tbh.

Medication

Illnesses

Lack of money/access to a dentist

I don't have good teeth - I have a full set but they are discoloured and crooked. I haven't been to the dentist since I was 16 and now nearly 40. I have a severe phobia of dentists thanks to what can only be described as a cruel orthodontist when I was a teenager who had made me terrified of dentists. I would love to be able to a) find a nhs dentist b) find the money to pay for any treatment and c) have the courage to go

@thefamous5

I don't have good teeth - I have a full set but they are discoloured and crooked. I haven't been to the dentist since I was 16 and now nearly 40. I have a severe phobia of dentists thanks to what can only be described as a cruel orthodontist when I was a teenager who had made me terrified of dentists. I would love to be able to a) find a nhs dentist b) find the money to pay for any treatment and c) have the courage to go

I also had a severe phobia and hadn't been for 30 years until I got up the courage to go last summer. I found a very understanding dentist and the first appointment was the worst thing I have ever had to go through in my life - the terror beforehand etc. However, it all turned out well in the end - if you want to know more pm me and I'll link you to a thread. I have changed usernames and don't really want posts linked to that thread about the dental phobia.
I needed very little treatment in the end and have had cosmetic composite bonding on four front teeth and I'm really pleased with the result. I have nice looking teeth for the first time ever.
But the best thing of all is that after 6 months of going back and forth to the dentist and building up little steps at a time the phobia has disappeared completely. The relief is indescribable - I've spent 30 years suffering under this weight of terror of dentists and worrying about all my teeth rotting etc.

It's difficult if you can't find an NHS dentist and can't afford private. I'm in another country in Europe and go to an Eastern European country for treatment.
I would suggest if you can bear it, to start looking around now for NHS dentists and looking at options, rather than wait for an emergency to occur which was always my biggest fear. You've got an emergency situation and then you get thrown into the dentist situation and that's the worst thing which could happen as far as dealing with a phobia is.
It took me a whole year from starting to look for a dentist and contacting a few to actually finding one who I thought was the right fit. Then I spent 2 or 3 months emailing her and asking questions and her replying (she was very patient) and then finally booked an appointment which was initially supposed to be just a chat - but I felt comfortable enough for x-rays and an examination.
I cried most of the time!

Make some little steps now and see how you get along with those.
If you want to ask anything, just message me.

If his name is Chris run for the hills 🏃‍♀️

If you're not attracted you're not attracted.

@shmess - thank you! She’s thrilled with the results she’s had with the Invisalign, I too am amazed at how effective it’s been as her teeth were very wonky.

I’ll pass on the recommendation about the composite bonds if she isn’t satisfied after the whitening. She is already smiling with her teeth on show, something she stopped doing at a young age because she was self-conscious.

Do composites damage the tooth? I’m quite tempted myself as now I’m in my fifties, my naturally yellow teeth are probably a bit ageing but I don’t want to wreck healthy teeth.

Sorry you had such a struggle with yours. It’s particularly stigmatising because of the association with poor hygiene, something the OP will relate to having had bad acne. There are always people ready to point the finger with that at poor diet, too much chocolate and lack of washing. I have noticeable scarring on my neck and I think that’s less problematic because of the lack of stigma.

I couldn’t do it and I hate to admit it I’d be very wary of everyone else noticing it too, bad teeth gives me the boak.

I met an online date and the first thing he did when he sat down was to examine my nose from the left and then the right and proceeded to say, "It's not as big as it looks on your photos". He went on to say later that some of my Facebook photos weren't flattering and I should take them down. He's high-functioning Asperger's but it was still massively off-putting. The relationship didn't proceed!!

@LightDrizzle
Do composites damage the tooth? I’m quite tempted myself as now I’m in my fifties, my naturally yellow teeth are probably a bit ageing but I don’t want to wreck healthy teeth

They don't damage the tooth and are reversible. They are cheaper than veneers but they have a limited lifespan - anywhere between 4 and 7 years. With a veneer some of the surface of the tooth is filed off - so if you were to have them you would always need to have new veneers put on - they aren't reversible. With the composite bonds the surface of the tooth is etched with an acid to rough it up a bit so that the material bonds.

You could always ask your dentist about them. They'll probably want to persuade you to have veneers (cost a lot more...). I found a lot of information on the internet about the differences. My dentist wasn't going to do the veneers anyway as she did not want to touch my healthy teeth.

I can't deal with rotting broken teeth.
Tooth decay can lead to heart disease.
Dentistry has come a long way even in the past 10 years. A check up and a cleaning from the dentist is just part of good hygiene.
I'd rather someone have full dentures than a mouth full of decayed teeth.
Dental care is often much more affordable in other countries that people have a few things done while on holiday.

I have discoloured teeth and there's nothing I can do about

@Useranon1 Depending on whether people have the money, there are all sorts of solutions, such as bleaching or vaneers.

So if you think he can afford to get stuff done @PawPaw333 , it is worth telling him as it might help him with dating in future.

Depending on whether people have the money, there are all sorts of solutions, such as bleaching or vaneers

You do not know the reason for the person's discoloured teeth.
If it's because of bad habits such as smoking, drinking tea, not going for hygienist cleanings, then yes something could be done about it.

If the discoloration is due to staining by antibiotics (google tetracycling tooth staining for example), the discoloration is all the way through the tooth and CAN NOT be lifted by bleaching. In fact it can make it look worse because the part of the tooth not affected by the stain becomes whiter and the stain doesn't.
A veneer could be used in this case but often the stain shows through the veneer as a shadow because it is such a deep stain.
Apart from the fact that some people (probably a lot of people) simply cannot afford veneers which are very expensive (which you did mention of course!) and some people might not want to have an invasive treatment on an essentially healthy tooth for cosmetic reasons. Preparation for a veneer removes quite a bit of enamel.

Rotting and broken off teeth is another matter though - however the person could have a phobia of dentists which is not easily overcome and cannot be understood by your average person who is perhaps afraid of the dentist or has some anxiety about going or finds the treatments uncomfortable but can cope. A phobia (which is very common) is on a completely different level.

Hi OP
I would definitely have a second date. Now you not what to expect, you won't feel so thrown/disappointed because you're going into the date knowing he doesn't have great teeth. So instead of focussing on that, you'll hopefully instead focus on his good qualities. Perhaps the more you get to know the good things, the less you'll care about the teeth.

It could be that's your dealbreaker and that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person. However it sounds like he's worth a second date.

Good luck!

DONT DO THIS

Gosh. Just tell him it wasn't right for you and move on

My OHs oral hygiene is better than mine, but he was a smoker so are discoloured. He has overcrowding and didn't have braces when younger so are crooked. I had braces and teeth removed so mine are straight and pretty white. It's not necessarily about hygiene, could be wine, coffee, smoking, damaged enamel for whatever reason. Black and rotten would however put me right off so I get where you're coming from.

So.. Update.
I wasn't able to constantly WhatsApp him over a couple of days owing to work being so busy. I'm a front line worker. He is also a key worker but he was able to constantly message which was a bit strange 🙄. He basically sent me a nasty message saying I was ghosting him and that I'm boring because all I talk about is my daughter... I blocked him after that. See ya.
I think the moral is to go with your gut!

Ah well, that solves your dilemma for you OP!

A dickhead with bad teeth 🤣.

Onwards and upwards OP. Bullet dodged.

Exactly this.

Regardless of his reasons for having bad teeth you are not attracted to him because of it & I’d say physical attraction is fairly important! You can’t help it. I would 100% be the same and for me it’s as much of a deal breaker as dirty/long/badly bitten finger nails. don’t feel bad.

Definitely bullet dodged. I replied, my daughter is infinitely more interesting than you.. Then blocked. 🎉

Good result.

Onwards and upwards.

Academic now, but I don't think I could have got passed his teeth.

I wouldn't expect anyone to have perfect teeth but from your description it would shout-out to me that he lacks some self-respect, particularly in terms of the broken one.

@PawPaw333

Was he a firefighter?

You're kinder than I am - I'd have replied "at least I don't have teeth like a tin opener" before blocking him.

Bullet dodged!
Good he showed his true colours straight away!
So he was a gentleman as long as everything goes his way.

Ha tin opener 😂. I love that.