Met online date today and.....

[PawPaw333]

His teeth were so fucking awful.
He's lovely in every other respect, decent, good looking, respectful.. But once he opens his mouth I couldn't get past the teeth.
They are crooked, gappy and badly discoloured.
Am I being shallow here? I liked everything else about him.

OP. Generally I always felt when dating that if I fancied someone and they seemed lovely, but just a small thing about their personal appearance put me off it was worth seeing what happened. If I liked them I might stop noticing whatever it was that bothered me about how they looked. I also said the same to friends about their dates too. I really don't see the harm in one more date if you really like him otherwise, it is only a date and if you really do like him it might bother you less.

Saying that, teeth might bother me more than most things if it showed poor oral hygiene, but you don't know why his teeth are as they are so I would not discount him for it necessarily.

Of all the boxes he might not tick, I'd be letting this one go by in favour of a second date.

If not - Good look finding the same package with pearly white gnashers!

@mummy1428

Could you fill out some Invisalign consultation requests online and put in his contact info. He will then start getting sales calls from dentists

What is wrong with you? Seriously, that's just weird.

If everything else seems to stack up right now, is this is something down the track you might have an influence in, but in a good, positive way. I'm thinking veneers.

If he looks after his presentation in other departments, surely its possible he might consider this if he had the right support and encouragement? Some people don't do things simply because they have never had the encouragement or the right information to know how about going about stuff.

If he is a grub otherwise, then yeah, give it a miss.

[quote HaggisBurger]@PawPaw333 yes - teeth whitening is not prohibitively expensive - about £100. A visit to the dental hygenist is £60. Full scale orthodontistry - is very expensive. But crooked teeth that are
whitened and cleaned look completely different yellow discoloured ones.[/quote]
Actual dentist whitening is usually a lot more than that! I had zoom whitening and for the in chair plus moulds plus tubes to take home it was more like £300

I don’t think it’s cruel to tell him. Seriously everything else was fine except his (to you) awful teeth. Ffs tell him, as nicely as you possibly can. I’m a woman and otherwise fit but I could be this man . Please tell him for his sake. It ain’t the 1990s. He can change his teeth. He’s dropping down the gene pool by not spending £20000. Course he probably doesn’t have £20,000 but he can aspire, save for, rigorously ignore crap websites that don’t have relevant letters after the clinicians’ names
Yes it makes you look a little shallow but the heart wants what the heart wants and your heart wants tolerable teeth. I might want someone left-wing, someone else might want someone 6ft+. It’s all dating cool.

I only insist on two things on my OLD profile, that she's a non smoker and has nice teeth..

I think dirty or missing teeth is a bit different to imperfect but clean teeth.
My bottom teeth are quite crowded and my top row are mostly straight except one if my incisors which sticks out. All clean and white.
My boyfriend has got clean white teeth that lean backwards where they meet at the front rather than being straight, they're not perfect and he probably should have had a brace but I love his teeth and his smile.
If they were rotten or cracked I'd feel differently.
There are lots of elements that add up to attraction. It's not shallow it's just personal preference.

Op hasn't said what the problem is.
Some people would think my boyfriend or i have got 'bad teeth' (clean but not perfectly placed):
Neither of us needed to spend 20k or 2k because we found each other and we love each others imperfect smiles.
But we both have clean white but not straight teeth.
Rather than missing or rotten or so crooked they can't be cleaned properly teeth.
Don't see him again and don't tell him why, if they're that bad I'm sure hes already conscience about it.

This thread is making me feel pretty sad. I don’t think op should go on another date with this man. If I were him, I’d hate to find out you had asked a public forum after one date if it was worth trying to tolerate one of my physical flaws.

You are entitled to not find someone attractive for a whole number of reasons, but you don’t need to discuss it in such detail. Just move on. Let this man find someone who sees past his teeth and is really grateful and proud to be with him.

FWIW my teeth are ok because I had parents who looked after them and as an adult, I’m able to spend ££ at the dentist. I’m privileged, not everyone is.

@ValerieCupcake

I keep seeing Shane McGowan.

I mean it's not quite there yet but well on the way. Bad teeth can actually add character to some people. Look at some of these models with crooked and gappy teeth, however they're still clean. His teeth were not clean at all.

Are you sure they weren’t clean? As soon as my second teeth came through they were very yellow. They are healthy teeth and very strong, I’ve never had a chip or break, and only two fillings in childhood in the drill-happy 1970s.

My teeth are straight with no gaps but my eldest’s were very discoloured from massive intravenous antibiotics at 11 months and also very crooked due to a crap dentist assuring us they’d “straighten out”.

She’s just finished Invisalign and is about to have whitening. It has cost thousands. Her oral hygiene has always been impeccable, she has no fillings.

Is he sporty? He might have lost teeth that way.
I’d find poor oral hygiene a huge turnoff too but I hope people realise irregular and discoloured teeth can have other causes. DD1’s front teeth used to look a bit like she’d got bits of crisp stuck to the front, - they were discoloured patches.

I have an incline it was just due to poor upbringing by a few things he's said about his family. Which of course isn't his fault. Perhaps it's just that nothing he does will ever make his teeth be the way he wants them to be. I'm sort of leaning towards seeing him again as we all have flaws and imperfections. I used to have quite severe acne scarring which has got much better over time and with medication.. The thought of someone writing me off straight away because of that makes me feel quite sad. I think he's worth a second date, I'm not obliged to like him after a second date either. I just want to see if a second date helps to seeing if I could get past it as like I said earlier up, he was perfect in every other way.

How can you tell his teeth weren't clean?? Could you see food on them? If so, it could be that he had just eaten (and it's not recommended to brush just after eating).
If they were yellow, it's probably not to do with cleaning, more a natural colour, coffee/smoking or medication.

Also had this and thereafter ensured I had seen a picture with all teeth showing before we had met

As mentioned earlier, he had really discoloured, crooked, broken and gappy teeth. It's like years of whatever has caused his teeth to get so bad.

Some of the responses here are just bizarre. I'm sure the man knows what his own teeth look like and doesn't need OP to point it out (and am glad they won't be). He doesn't owe anyone 'nice' teeth or to get to the dentist to sort them out because someone he met once got the ick, anymorethan anyone here owes their date flatter tummy or clearer skin or anything else.

It clearly really bothers you OP, based on the level of detail you've thought about his dental situation. It's fine to not fancy someone for whatever reason but I'd not want to date someone that spoke about my appearance and their perceived faults of me scathingly online and then spoke in a patronising way about me as though I was worth a go on merit of other things and they'll try to be the bigger person and let my repulsive physical flaw go.

There are other people out there to date, for both of you I'm sure!

@LightDrizzle

She’s just finished Invisalign and is about to have whitening. It has cost thousands. Her oral hygiene has always been impeccable, she has no fillings

I also had antibiotic stained teeth which looked awful and then I developed a phobia of dentists on top of that due to botched attempts at improving them. It took me 30 years to go back - only had to have 2 fillings as my teeth were apparently "excellent" despite lack of dental care and the horrible staining.
So, I can imagine how your daughter has been feeling.
I have now had composite bonds put on the 4 front teeth. I just wanted to mention that my dentist advised against whitening as she said that in most cases there is limited success because the stain goes through the entire tooth and colours it from within, rather than being a surface stain which can be whitened.
It could be that in your daughter's case the whitening will work with no problems. If it doesn't there are other options - I really can't bear to think of her hoping for success with whitening and then it maybe doesn't turn out to be successful.
I went for composite bonds. The dentist didn't want to do crowns and veneers as she did not want to remove any tooth enamel by filing down the teeth (she won't carry out invasive cosmetic treatments like that). I was a bit skeptical about the composite bonds but they have turned out really nicely - however in some light, if you look really closely, you can still see the damn antibiotic stains as a sort of shadow.

Antibiotic stained teeth are an absolute pig to deal with. You can improve them but only in some cases can you bring them up to a really bright white finish.
I wish people who are so judgemental are aware of this. There are so many people affected by tetracycline staining and it's not as easy as "just get them fixed"

I'll be honest. If my teeth were like that I would not have confidence to be in the dating pool. Not until I had done something about it. He must have bags of confidence.

Goatinthegarden

This thread is making me feel pretty sad. I don’t think op should go on another date with this man. If I were him, I’d hate to find out you had asked a public forum after one date if it was worth trying to tolerate one of my physical flaws.

You are entitled to not find someone attractive for a whole number of reasons, but you don’t need to discuss it in such detail. Just move on. Let this man find someone who sees past his teeth and is really grateful and proud to be with him.

FWIW my teeth are ok because I had parents who looked after them and as an adult, I’m able to spend ££ at the dentist. I’m privileged, not everyone is.

@Goatinthegarden
Yes I totally agree . The thought of someone forcing themselves to go on a second date with me despite being really turned off by one of my physical features, to the point of asking a group of strangers if they thought he should meet up . Quite frankly I’d rather he not bother

@dontgobaconmyheart

Some of the responses here are just bizarre. I'm sure the man knows what his own teeth look like and doesn't need OP to point it out (and am glad they won't be). He doesn't owe anyone 'nice' teeth or to get to the dentist to sort them out because someone he met once got the ick, anymorethan anyone here owes their date flatter tummy or clearer skin or anything else.

It clearly really bothers you OP, based on the level of detail you've thought about his dental situation. It's fine to not fancy someone for whatever reason but I'd not want to date someone that spoke about my appearance and their perceived faults of me scathingly online and then spoke in a patronising way about me as though I was worth a go on merit of other things and they'll try to be the bigger person and let my repulsive physical flaw go.

There are other people out there to date, for both of you I'm sure!

I don't think the OP is [speaking] in a patronising way about me as though I was worth a go on merit of other things and they'll try to be the bigger person and let my repulsive physical flaw go.

I went out on dates with lots of guys when I was in my teens and up to 21 (when I met my tosser XH). Some were nice enough guys but I didn't fancy them. Though I did enjoy chatting with them. One wore a velvet jacket and looked like an old hippy. Nice guy and good to talk to. Went out with him for a few dates but couldn't kiss him. I even stayed with someone I didn't fancy because I thought it was mean to upset someone by ending it. Because I wouldn't like it done to me.

The OP is recognising that it is a decent bloke. Not being patronising.

I'm definitely recognising he's a decent bloke, if I was being patronising I'd simply tell him it's because of his teeth. But I value his other qualities and was wondering what to do and sought advice from the wise ones of mumsnet.

Yeah I'd just be pretty upset if I found out a guy I'd been on one date with went on a forum and told a load of strangers what a turn-off my extra 10 lbs or rosacea is, and debating whether or not it's even worth meeting me a second time.

You're allowed to have your own likes and dislikes in a potential partner. You're allowed to ask for advice. But maybe think about what it would feel like if the tables were turned.

I've recently had the best sex of my life with a guy with chipped, gappy, discoloured teeth 😂.

He was only here with work for a short time, so maybe I put up with it because of that or maybe I just thought he was hot overall. Not sure what I thought really but generally I don't like bad teeth.

I would have another date and see how it goes. As for saying anything about his teeth I would say that's a definite no. We all know what our teeth look like and he may already be self conscious about them. If you don't end up dating him it would really knock his confidence for the next person.