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Original poster

Met online date today and.....

226 replies

PawPaw333 · 18/04/2022 20:13

His teeth were so fucking awful.
He's lovely in every other respect, decent, good looking, respectful.. But once he opens his mouth I couldn't get past the teeth.
They are crooked, gappy and badly discoloured.
Am I being shallow here? I liked everything else about him.

OP posts:
PeachesToday · 18/04/2022 21:45

I couldn’t get past it either.

You’re not shallow. He’s just not your type. He’ll find someone else & so will you.

Frazzled2207 · 18/04/2022 21:49

as someone who inherited crap teeth this is all quite unpleasant.

I have spent thousands of pounds in past on my teeth, bleaching and straightening etc. The straightening was sorted out but the whitening only to a point and temporarily.

Very shallow to say no to someone because of their teeth, unless they blatantly don't care for them at all. I actually heard a parent in my DC's school the other day tell their child that they should stay away from (an 8 yo) because of their teeth!

sassyannie · 18/04/2022 21:50

My late husband's teeth weren't brilliant. He grew up in fifites Liverpool in relative poverty when tooth brushing and dentists were not on the radar. However, he was a lovely man. Don't dismiss a potential partner too soon.

NaiceHamAndHugs · 18/04/2022 21:51

OP I get it! I’ve been with my DH for 27 years and he’s been to the dentist twice in that time! It’s awful because I can’t divorce him due to his lack of oral hygiene, but his last visit was when we got married 15 years ago! I can’t kiss him any more it’s probably been about 10 years) and he never questions it when I shy away as I think he knows but if I dare told him he’d be so hugely offended it could ruin our relationship. We are only mid 40s. You absolutely don’t want to end up like this!! I desperately miss kissing. It makes me really very sad because I know I’ve missed out hugely. Sad

Gwenhwyfar · 18/04/2022 21:51

@B0J0ker

Useranon1 - there's loads people can do to whiten their teeth that doesn't involve a professional dentist doing it! Literally hundreds of different products available if it bothers you.

Mine REALLY bothered me after a nasty comment from a girl when I was 15! Other people have similar off-white teeth and it doesn't bother them. But if it does, there's loads that can be done cheaply to change them.

Please read my comment above about someone who CANNOT fix her yellow-ish teeth!
ArtVandalay · 18/04/2022 21:52

Not unreasonable.

Bad teeth are just - bad. I couldn't get past it.

B0J0ker · 18/04/2022 21:53

Having read more of the posts on here I'd like to apologise for my ignorance, especially saying loads can be done to whiten teeth - I had no idea that certain medications and chemotherapy etc could cause discoloured teeth.

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone with my comments.

Original poster
PawPaw333 · 18/04/2022 21:54

@NaiceHamAndHugs

OP I get it! I’ve been with my DH for 27 years and he’s been to the dentist twice in that time! It’s awful because I can’t divorce him due to his lack of oral hygiene, but his last visit was when we got married 15 years ago! I can’t kiss him any more it’s probably been about 10 years) and he never questions it when I shy away as I think he knows but if I dare told him he’d be so hugely offended it could ruin our relationship. We are only mid 40s. You absolutely don’t want to end up like this!! I desperately miss kissing. It makes me really very sad because I know I’ve missed out hugely. Sad
Oh this makes me feel sad 😢😢
OP posts:
coconuthead · 18/04/2022 21:56

Don't feel bad if it puts you off, maybe give it another go if you want to try and see past it, you might be able to, but don't let some person on Mumsnet who has rancid yellow teeth tell you you have to accept it and find it attractive! FFS

NaiceHamAndHugs · 18/04/2022 22:01

I’ve spent 1000s on having my teeth done and make sure my kids get all the right regular treatment. I’ve always offered to make him one to but he refuses ever to go.

I just imagine what it’s like now. It has a knock on affect with getting intimate because it misses out such a huge aspect of enjoyment for me. (He’s very easily satisfied so it’s not a problem for him! That’s a whole different issue though.)

I’ve never told anyone any of this because I’m also just so ashamed it’s just really shallow!

Original poster
PawPaw333 · 18/04/2022 22:04

Part of me just wants to meet him again to see if I could get past it.. I just don't want to string him along and he's not an experiment. He's so lovely and I honestly would date him if it wasn't for this. I just don't know if I'm letting it stand in the way of getting to know someone genuinely lovely.

OP posts:
Castleheights · 18/04/2022 22:08

Yanbu - but as long as he actually brushes his teeth then I think you may be ok.
It does matter imo … if you don’t want to kiss him then you are mates. My guess is you are not looking for that.

WonderfulYou · 18/04/2022 22:08

Teeth are a deal breaker for me too.
They don’t need to be perfectly white or straight, in fact I love vampire teeth or a gap but if they look dirty then I’d definitely not want to kiss him.

However I would definitely give this another chance.

It could be that you expected them to be different and they’re not as bad as you first thought (clutching at straws) but I’d definitely give him another go.

If you do please update us Smile

Wnkingawalrus · 18/04/2022 22:08

Given how much pregnancy and breastfeeding can fuck your teeth I’m surprised at some of the comments on here!

NaiceHamAndHugs · 18/04/2022 22:08

Having wonky teeth and having shit dental hygiene are both different things.

If you think it’s just wonky crookedness then there’s a chance you’ll get over it as these flaws can become endearing and attractive.

If it’s bad hygiene I really would say, give it a miss because it’s awful being stuck in that relationship.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 18/04/2022 22:13

It’s a difficult one and maybe you can get past it but you’ve obviously had a strong reaction to his teeth so how realistic is it that you’ll get past it? Also what if you do have a relationship and the teeth decline will you be able to handle that.

My teeth are not great (congenital missing teeth) and I’ve just had braces fitted and will need composite bonding and teeth whitening at the end. It’s costing me 6.5K so realistically not an affordable issue for many to get fixed. I would say only give him another chance if you know you can be ok with how he is now and if things get worse.

LoveSpringDaffs · 18/04/2022 22:13

@PawPaw333

Are you shallow? That's difficult to answer. I suppose the honest answer is yes, BUT being with someone is about attraction & we're all attracted/put off by different things. So is it shallow or lack of attraction??

If there's something about him, no matter what it is, that prevents you being attracted to him then that's that.

I would say though, I'd see him again because the first time may have been the shock after initially finding him attractive.

Have a think about if whether why they're like that makes a difference or not to you. If it bad oral hygiene that's one thing, but would you feel differently if his hygiene is fine, but the discolouration is the result if chemo/medication etc?

DarkShade · 18/04/2022 22:15

Yes, you're being shallow. But also that's fine you don't need permission to not be attracted to someone.

GaiaWise · 18/04/2022 22:16

My teeth are discoloured and stick out. I clean regularly plus water floss and has adult braces for 2 years.
This is a combination of neglect as a child resulting in no dental care, hereditary factors, tea drinking and medication. Not poor dental hygiene.

FrancescaContini · 18/04/2022 22:16

@NaiceHamAndHugs

OP I get it! I’ve been with my DH for 27 years and he’s been to the dentist twice in that time! It’s awful because I can’t divorce him due to his lack of oral hygiene, but his last visit was when we got married 15 years ago! I can’t kiss him any more it’s probably been about 10 years) and he never questions it when I shy away as I think he knows but if I dare told him he’d be so hugely offended it could ruin our relationship. We are only mid 40s. You absolutely don’t want to end up like this!! I desperately miss kissing. It makes me really very sad because I know I’ve missed out hugely. Sad
How do you stay with him? It sounds disgusting.
FrancescaContini · 18/04/2022 22:17

Bad teeth a dealbreaker.

Anonymoussssss · 18/04/2022 22:17

I understand, but this seems so sad.

I say that as someone whose ex partner knocked five of my front teeth out! Luckily, I was able to get implants.

I know this is a completely different scenario but I would definitely have been judged had I have not had the treatment.

And it isn't something you can just bring up, is it?

I just wish there was a way. Good luck Flowers

LoveSpringDaffs · 18/04/2022 22:17

@PawPaw333

Part of me just wants to meet him again to see if I could get past it.. I just don't want to string him along and he's not an experiment. He's so lovely and I honestly would date him if it wasn't for this. I just don't know if I'm letting it stand in the way of getting to know someone genuinely lovely.
Meet him again, see if you can get past it. Agreeing to a second date isn't a lifetime commitment! Don't throw the opportunity in the bin when so much else was great, that would be NUTS! The whole point in dating is to see whether you're a good match or not! You don't have to decide after ONE date!!
Original poster
PawPaw333 · 18/04/2022 22:21

I guess so. I also don't need to be his partner after two dates. That's the whole point of dating I guess. It's a sifting exercise.

OP posts:
laloue · 18/04/2022 22:23

When I met my dh 20 years ago he had really poor teeth ( implants and grey gums)thanks to childhood meningitis , at that moment in time I was also married to ex dh who had perfect teeth. Here I am now with grey / difficult teeth man and I couldn’t be happier. You’ll work it out .

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