Met online date today and.....

[PawPaw333]

His teeth were so fucking awful.
He's lovely in every other respect, decent, good looking, respectful.. But once he opens his mouth I couldn't get past the teeth.
They are crooked, gappy and badly discoloured.
Am I being shallow here? I liked everything else about him.

Yanbu

Discoloured as in rotten or just stained? Easier to do something about the latter. Would make a difference to me.

I have a single male friend who has really bad teeth - lined in black (rotten) - and I agree that if I were interested in him romantically (I'm not, and I'm married anyway) it would put me off hugely.

@Iflyaway

Tell him. As kindly as you can, but tell him. He may be really offended but it is in his interests to know

I agree with this.

I mean, he must be aware of it but may be jolted into action if he hears it from someone else.

I strongly disagree. My teeth are wonky and if someone told me they didn't want to see me again because of some wonky teeth I'd be very offended. I am able to do something about them and may well do but it's not a massive life priority for me right now. I care about my appearance too - it would be very rude to tell him.

its really difficult to get NHS dentist at the moment please bear that in mind (& it has been for more than 2 years)
Damaged teeth could have ben caused by a deprived childhood, accident & certain antibiotics can stain teeth & as can strong tea & coffee (addicts) drinkers someone with diabetes (type 1 can have gum problems)
Does his breath smell?

If you like him but his teeth are a deal breaker then I don’t know why you wouldn’t tell him, TACTFULLY!!!

If you both liked each other but he smoked would you mention it is a dealbreaker??? Because teeth can be bleached for very little cost, and you can order those straightening mouth guards that they advertise on tv. He may choose to do this if you like each other enough.

That being said…if you are instead being shallow, and don’t think you see a future together, and cant deal with it in the short term whilst he changes his teeth, then don’t tell him, just walk away.

NOTE:
Before I get criticised, I do not think that he should change for OP, but I do think he should be given the opportunity to know why he is being dumped rather than being completely lost as to why something he thought was working was just ended in a flash.

@PawPaw333 in answer to your update....I think it's a little shallow yes. The same as judging anyone on a single physical characteristic is shallow. Especially one they can't help. None of us are perfect and sometimes the things that we initially see as flaws can be overlooked and even enjoyed eventually.

But if it's a deal breaker for you then nobody has the right to tell you you're wrong or a bad person. Just move on and be kind about it.

@Bjarnum

Fair enough, but personally I like my hair, my weight, etc., so for me they would not be the ‘love of my life’ if they wanted me to change my hair/teeth/weight etc., in order for them to fancy me. I don’t expect to change myself for a man, and don’t expect a man to change themselves for me. Luckily I have found the love of my life, so can keep my physical attributes how I like them!

Yanbu

@PawPaw333

The teeth do give me the ick. Without sounding arrogant, I take great care with my oral hygiene and have been blessed with straight white teeth, I don't expect any potential date to have the same but it's just the discolouration that really put me off.

Read that again.

YOU have been blessed wth straight white teeth. How lovely for you. My teeth are really quite yellow despite the fact that I brush twice a day, use interdental brushes, visit the dentist religiously and use mouth wash too. My teeth are very sensitive and my dentist has told me not to whiten them as that would cause pain.

I am a really nice person. I am. Lots of people have said it. So to think that people who are fortunate enough to be "blessed" with white teeth, judge those who do not have this (sometimes despite their best efforts) and despite them ticking every other box is superficial and shallow as hell. Having someone who shares your values and sense of humour and who has your back is much more important than bloody enamel. Jeez

You feel how you feel there’s nothing wrong with that 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn’t mention the teeth either.
Fwiw my brother spends a lot of time on cleaning his teeth and going to the dentist, he’s a bit obsessed with them and he has discolouration, it’s really annoys him. So it might not necessarily be that he doesn’t look after them.

I feel like I want to cry for him.
Obviously not your fault OP. I can completely see where you are coming from.
I just feel so sad for him, and for you too if he is lovely and the teeth are the only issue.
I don't honestly know what I would do in your situation, but it just seems so sad.

I met a guy after my divorce. He was a very nice guy, Very respectful , polite and well mannered. He treated me like a Queen. His teeth were a little bit crooked and a little yellowing but nothing too drastic. During a conversation he proudly announced he hadn’t been to a dentist in 33 years. I nearly threw up. As someone who’d started training as a dental nurse, I couldn’t get passed what must be going on in his mouth and knew I would never be able to kiss him. OP, you are entitled to like or dislike anyone for any reason. It’s a basic human right! You are not shallow!

Part of me thinks that if he is perfect in every other way, would a second date be worth doing? It might be (like others said), that the teeth become less of an issue? Or maybe there’s a good reason that they’re like that? I don’t know, because I also totally understand that if it gives you the ick, then you can’t exactly just ignore that either!

No dentist visit in 33 years 😳

I would see him again. Sometimes physical imperfections seem huge at first, but later you barely notice them.

Yes, it's shallow. And that's OK.

@HopelesslydevotedtoGu

I would see him again. Sometimes physical imperfections seem huge at first, but later you barely notice them.

This is what I'm trying to tackle.. Ive not said anything to him yet.. But we got on so well, the chat was free flowing and he was tall, he has stability in his life with a good parenting relationship with ex, good job, he was handsome also.. But seeing his teeth was just like a big sledgehammer on it all.. My ex actually didn't particularly have the greatest teeth but not this bad. I think I would find this noticeable every day.

@PawPaw333

No dentist visit in 33 years 😳

I stayed away for around 20 years. It can be extremely difficult to go back after painful experiences.

You don't need to tell him about his teeth.

He knows what his teeth look like.

I said it on the last thread and I'll say it again, people don't realise their privilege and it is showing on this thread.

I dated someone the same. I overlooked it and soon got used to it and it was a great relationship. In the same way I’d like someone to look past my flaws if I can’t help them. He could one day get his teeth done.

I don’t think you’re remotely shallow. I also don’t think the reasons for his teeth being the way they are, are relevant. The fact is it puts you off and you don’t find it attractive 🤷🏻‍♀️

Makes me think of the guy with the teeth in Fleabag. You just wouldn’t 🙊

This would put me off too! Maybe we're both shallow (along with everyone else who'd be put off by it) but teeth are just a really big deal to me (and I'm very conscious of my own too, fortunate that they are straight but have spent lots on having them whitened and maintaining the whiteness).

I don't think you need to tell him why you don't want to see him again, just that you don't. We're not going to fancy everyone we have a decent time with.

😳@ some of the comments! Sign him up for treatment so he gets emails ... tell him his teeth are a dealbreaker , but the "is this a new fetish ?"comment cracked me up tonight though🤭
I met someone last year , he had teeth that were not too good , broken , really black and discoloured but aside from that there was no spark on any level , conversation was strained etc .. I did the nice truth of you're a decent bloke just no spark and the first thing he asked me was, "is it because of my teeth "
So I think maybe someone before has told him about his teeth and that made me feel so guilty I almost agreed to see him again🙈
I wouldn't tell him , but you're allowed to have things that are a turn off for you and you don't want to pursue

Discolouration could be for all manor of reasons medicines, ageing, genetics. I have discoloured teeth from too much tea, but I can assure you it doesn’t mean I have poor hygiene.

Useranon1 - there's loads people can do to whiten their teeth that doesn't involve a professional dentist doing it! Literally hundreds of different products available if it bothers you.

Mine REALLY bothered me after a nasty comment from a girl when I was 15! Other people have similar off-white teeth and it doesn't bother them. But if it does, there's loads that can be done cheaply to change them.