DH is turning into a recluse

[sandwiches77]

DH has always been quiet, but as he is hitting his mid 50s all he wants to do is sit in the armchair and snore. He doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything other than work. My kids are older teens now/nearly in their 20s, still living at home but starting to carve out their own lives which is how it should be and i understand that. But in the meantime, what about me? DH is turning into his father and I can see it getting worse as DH gets older. My MIL coped with DH father as she was heavily involved with her local Church and kept herself busy and socially connected with her Church choir, Church coffee mornings etc etc. But I am not a Church person..

my time at the moment is spent running the house and continuing to raise the kids while they are still at home while DH is either working or snoring in his armchair...

Trying to prepare ahead to begin to carve a little bit of life for myself when they have completely flown the nest as I dont want to be dependent on them for a social life as that isnt how it should be..

Thinking of joining the WI or similar in a few years time when the kids have left... any other ideas?

But would waking him up be a bad thing? I don't understand why you have to be quiet because he's sleeping during the day. It's not like he's doing night shifts

Just bumping this as DH has just said he loves to sit around and do nothing....

Just an update few local groups and started going out on my own. I don't feel guilty any more.

Any further advice welcome

well done OP - whats your favourite group?

@Mumtothreeandadog I'm glad you've gone out and started to make a life for yourself. It sounds like you've made a good start, just wanted to ask if you can face another 40 years of this life? It's some to really think about. Wouldn't it be better to be on your own with your kids than being stuck with someone who just ignores you and falls asleep. If you are set on staying then I'd suggest you get a job working outside of the house at least part of the time, how about working behind a bar in the evening, something sociable as well as making you a bit of extra cash so you can have a bit of spending money outside of his control.

Just an update, already mentioned that I have joined netball. Added art group and aqua fit now too. Weekends are still tricky, at the moment they are made up of walking the dog and housework. I want to do a bit of gardening at weekends but DH just sleeps on the sofa as usual, I'm perfectly capable of doing this on my own but he does like to criticise what I have done so I try and wait until he is wanting to join me and let him take the lead..

Just an update, already mentioned that I have joined netball. Added art group and aqua fit now too. Weekends are still tricky, at the moment they are made up of walking the dog and housework. I want to do a bit of gardening at weekends but DH just sleeps on the sofa as usual, I'm perfectly capable of doing this on my own but he does like to criticise what I have done so I try and wait until he is wanting to join me and let him take the lead..

Just an update, already mentioned that I have joined netball. Added art group and aqua fit now too. Weekends are still tricky, at the moment they are made up of walking the dog and housework. I want to do a bit of gardening at weekends but DH just sleeps on the sofa as usual, im perfectly capable of doing this on my own but he does like to criticise what I have done so I try and wait until he is wanting to join me and let him take the lead..

Just an update, already mentioned that I have joined netball. Added art group and aqua fit now too. Weekends are still tricky, at the moment they are made up of walking the dog and housework. I want to do a bit of gardening at weekends but DH just sleeps on the sofa as usual, perfectly capable of doing this on my own but he does like to criticise what I have done so I try and wait until he is wanting to join me and let him take the lead..

Just an update, already mentioned that I have joined netball. Added art group and aqua fit now too. Weekends are still tricky, at the moment they are made up of walking the dog and housework. I want to do a bit of gardening at weekends but DH just sleeps on the sofa as usual, perfectly capable of doing this on my own but he does like to criticise what I have done so I try and wait until he is wanting to join me and let him take the lead..

Just an update, already mentioned that I have joined netball. Added art group and aqua fit now too. Weekends are still tricky, at the moment they are made up of walking the dog and housework.

That's good you've found more things to keep your own life full and interesting. (I find the best way to do gardening with a DH with different ideas from me is to have a part of the garden that each of us is responsible for. My vegetable patch is entirely mine)

Weekends may get better in time as the people you meet via your new hobbies may start to become friends. Good luck.

Good to hear that you have joined some new groups

Do you have any holidays/ weekends away booked to go away this year ?

If your DH is always sleeping, does he need vitamins, health MOT, why does he have zero interest in doing something at the weekend ?

This .

Glad you’ve got lots going on now @Mumtothreeandadog. I was baffled as to why you felt guilty over the lazy, controlling misery guts snoring away on the sofa, so glad that’s gone.

Now, to work on not feeling guilty for making noise. If it wakes the lump up, good. You’re entitled to live freely during the day in your own home.

It’s a shame you’re in for a lonely life though. He sounds like a total fun sponge.

Read the whole thread. It’s moved on. And the OP has a new name.