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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My very clean partner has started to smell of something that repulses me

135 replies

Tigertigertigertiger · 14/04/2022 23:17

This is an odd one.
I’ve been with DP ( we are in our early 60s ) for about ten years and we are mostly happy. We do have ups and downs and from time to time I think I’d be better on my own but that feeling never lasts long.

He is clean almost to a fault. Showers at least once a day and the washing machine is never off - he’s obsessed with washing his clothes and changes them after work and washes everything after half a day’s wear.

Recently he has developed a body odour that I can’t quite describe but it is giving me the ick.

It’s a sort of sour smell . Like washing that has been left in a washing machine for a week, or something like that. Like towels that have been used again and again without washing.

We have always been affectionate but not very sexual for the past few years which suits us both.

He scrubs himself from top to toe in the shower and goes through a ton of shower gel.

What’s going on ?

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 15/04/2022 09:11

I'm very sensitive to smell and always know when my DS is coming down with something. Maybe he needs a check up?

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 15/04/2022 09:11

Showers at least once a day and the washing machine is never off - he’s obsessed with washing his clothes and changes them after work and washes everything after half a day’s wear

This is not normal. He is stripping his skin of natural oils. Maybe he is sabotaging his own eco-system (for want of a better phrase). Sounds very dull, all this obsessing.

StScholastica · 15/04/2022 09:11

Parkinsons can cause an oily/waxy secretion to be produced, that does have a smell to it.
Have you noticed any changes to the way he walks? Has he become more shuffly or clumsy?
How is his speech? People with parkinsons sometimes lose power and speak very quietly.
The also sometimes lose facial expression and can look a bit vacant.
I hope he is OK, please get him to see his GP.

AngelinaFibres · 15/04/2022 09:16

@Tigertigertigertiger

Why do you suggest Parkinson’s ?
People who have parkinsons have a particular smell. Some people can smell it on other people. Have a look at the symptoms. Is ge doing any of the other things. It can take years to exhibit the obvious signs but the disease is already there. My father had it. He had had symptoms for years but they were quite subtle initially.
MayMorris · 15/04/2022 09:19

There are so many conditions that can be detected by their smell. It is thought to be as a result of VOCs - volatile organic compounds being emitted form the body- a lot of time in breath or through small sweat glands in the body.
Diabetes is obvious one
Schizophrenia is another- I could smell that with my ex …
Alzheimer’s
Cancers
Bear in mind support dogs can be trained to detect seizures in epilepsy, and diabetic low sugar etc

I suspect that we would be more aware of it if we didn’t have a modern abilities to wash everyday - in the days when people rarely bathed I expect it was more obvious to even human noses . In 400 BC Hippocrates described a lot of diseases based on their smells.

If your clean husband of many years has started to admit a different odour definitely go to the GP . But first , It may be worth keeping a simple diary over the next couple of weeks or so noting when he smells and what he s wearing- just to keep a log and rule out any other things like odd clothes,

Once you’ve ruled out clothing, You obviously need to navigate a sensitive conversation with your DH first…try to focus on what it smells like, say it doesn’t smell like him…that is is strange etc ., And point him to articles about the smell of diseases and say you are a little anxious that he gets checked out by Gp. Ask to attend the session and explain as clearly as you can what it smells like, show the GP your diary, and ask for some blood works to rule out some simple stuff.

MayMorris · 15/04/2022 09:21

This is a good article
academic.oup.com/jb/article/150/3/257/867730

Sally090807 · 15/04/2022 09:23

Is your husband aware of the smell himself or is it just you that can smell it?

HangingOver · 15/04/2022 09:28

I had this....I started smelling of off milk it was do embarrassing. Turned out it was a benign cyst I'd had for years and years. It looked normal but for no reason just started smelling. That's why it smelt no matter how much I showered as the heat made it worse. I got it removed and the smell was gone

MyDogTails · 15/04/2022 09:41

Haemochromatosis

Very easy to test in bloods but they won’t do it unless asked. It means too much iron in the blood and is quite easily managed. My relative had this and I could always smell something “off”. Since treatment I smell nothing.

VanGoghsDog · 15/04/2022 09:46

@TortugaRumCakeQueen

Showers at least once a day and the washing machine is never off - he’s obsessed with washing his clothes and changes them after work and washes everything after half a day’s wear

This is not normal. He is stripping his skin of natural oils. Maybe he is sabotaging his own eco-system (for want of a better phrase). Sounds very dull, all this obsessing.

It completely normal to shower daily. Without wanting to start one of the frequent MN shower wars, I'd say probably most people shower daily. A few less than daily, and a few more than once daily. But daily is most definitely the average.

His clothes washing does seem a bit fanatical. But clothes washing doesn't strip oils from your skin or sabotage your eco system.

How rude of you to say it's "dull" to someone who is genuinely worried about their partner and gave the washing information only to support her belief that neither he or his clothes are actually just dirty.

JinglingHellsBells · 15/04/2022 09:58

Maybe he washes his clothes so much as he knows he smells odd?

Is this something you talk about @Tigertigertigertiger? Have you spokne to him?

Frickenass · 15/04/2022 10:24

It is quite common for people in their 60s and older to develop a musty, unwashed smell even if they are regularly showering and washing their clothes. I work with a lot of older people as clients and smell it often. I have googled it and there is apparently a compound “2-nonenal” that is naturally occurring and increases as we age. Could this be the culprit?

Bigbonesmeatandgravy · 15/04/2022 10:25

Does he drink a lot of alcohol?
You can develop a smell when you aren't drinking if you do. It doesnt smell of alcohol at all, its difficult to describe, a bit sweet but very distinctive

BowerOfBramble · 15/04/2022 10:36

What about medications? One of my relatives can "smell" certain things including a type of antidepressant on people. It's weird for her and for them!

Original poster
Tigertigertigertiger · 15/04/2022 10:48

Thanks for all the great responses.
To clarify, I only mentioned the fact he scrubs himself in the shower to avoid the replies of he might be showering every day but is he actually washing himself properly.

I’ll try to address everyone’s points

It’s his whole body that smells , not his clothes ( Although they pick up the smell when he wears them ) not his hair,(he has none ) not his feet , not his breath.

I have not mentioned it to him yet, but I will soon .

He came out of the shower the other day with only a clean towel on and the smell was particularly bad which I presumed that the process of showering had sort of stirred up whatever was causing the smell.

Yes I am menopausal and have started HRT patches ( highly recommended- have not slept so well in years ) so that’s something to consider, although I have not noticed any other odd smells.
Ditto Covid which I had in October.

He has always been this fastidious about personal hygiene , it’s not a new thing. I don’t think he’s aware of it as I’m sure he’d ask me to have a sniff.

Thanks to all who suggested Parkinson’s. No other signs at all but I will definitely look into this.
Thanks @TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek for your incredibly detailed reply .

I’ll keep you all posted !

OP posts:
NotSure94 · 15/04/2022 10:52

When I did a lot of online dating after my divorce I definitely noticed that older men smelled differently to younger men. Its possibly just an age thing and if so may affect women too. I appreciate that doesn't offer a solution!

Original poster
Tigertigertigertiger · 15/04/2022 11:01

A bit more info
Neither of us take medications apart from my HRT
He only ever uses shower gel ( all different brands ) never soap

No changes in his diet. He’s strong and healthy and not overweight.

@howthebellstoll sorry to hear you are experiencing the same thing. I too can smell it when I enter the room he is in

OP posts:
Pluvia · 15/04/2022 11:01

It completely normal to shower daily. Without wanting to start one of the frequent MN shower wars, I'd say probably most people shower daily. A few less than daily, and a few more than once daily. But daily is most definitely the average

No, it's not 'normal' to shower every day. Human beings have never in history been so artificially clean as in the last couple of decades. The pressure to constantly wash and worry about smell is a new one, pushed by marketeers who want to sell us their chemical-based products by convincing us that without scouring our bodies every day we'll smell bad.

Many of us posting here will have grown up on a regime of one bath a week and a daily top-and-tail. I can remember cuddling up to my naturally female-smelling mum and loving her own scent. Ditto various bed-partners over the years. Lots of younger people, recognising how damaging it is to the environment as well as their skin, are refraining from showering and bathing on a daily basis.

This regime of daily scouring the natural oils from your skin (and probably them replacing them with body lotions etc) may be normal for you, but not for many, many people. And with the price of electricity going up, I'm guessing that fewer than ever will be taking a daily bath or shower.

Original poster
Tigertigertigertiger · 15/04/2022 11:02

@Frickenass I will look into that , thank you

OP posts:
yumscrumfatbum · 15/04/2022 11:03

My Mum describes my Dad as developing an odd musty smell last year. She discovered that the Japanese have a special name for it and use persimmon based soap to combat it. It worked for my Dad.

ferretface · 15/04/2022 11:07

The "old man smell" (if it's that!) might go away if he takes curranz (I am not in any way linked to this company, I take them for sporting performance!)

curranz.com/blogs/news/study-finds-blackcurrant-s-effect-on-cellular-ageing-can-reduce-old-person-s-smell-up-to-80-in-adults

Topbird29 · 15/04/2022 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

NewNormalLife · 15/04/2022 11:13

@Tigertigertigertiger my husband gets this smell when he's been drinking beer. I only noticed during my first pregnancy. its a musty sour smell that stays even when he's showered. It's like the smell comes out of his pores. It used to make me gag sometimes and I'd ask him to sleep in a different room if he's had a lot. I think I couldn't smell it so strong after having the baby but its definitely still there. Unfortunately he refuses to give up beer...Wink

JinglingHellsBells · 15/04/2022 11:13

Old ladies sometimes develop a smell not from being unwashed, just being old- happens post-menopause to some women as their bodies change. It's the smell you find in charity shops full of all their old clothes.

Is he eating anything different? For instance, garlic and onions can be really obvious as it comes out of people's skin not just their breath.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 15/04/2022 11:26

Apologies, no offence intended. Hope you get to the bottom of it.