I'm 32 + 4 weeks now and I've offered a plan in moving forward with a partner that left at 30 wks.
For some back story...
His 8 year old daughter spat on my teenage son for the third time in 6 weeks. She wasn't punished or even spoken to about the first time which is probably what led to the rest. That's on him not her as she's still learning right from wrong (although at nearly 9 I would assume most kids know not to do this). First time it happened it was because she was putting her face in his face and he turned away (she's an intense character by her parents words) and the second and third time was because they were all playing she got embarrassed after falling so my son went to try and get her to come back to play to make her feel better.
We had a big argument of a lack of discipline/consequences over this as my son shouldn't be coming home from his dads who I have 5050 with, to be spat on. Following a huge row while the kids were in the house, he decided to leave and in 48 hours I had a message from the landlady to say he wants out of the contract.
6 days later he had a removals van outside the house to take his things but also took the fridge freezer, sofa, (which is a sofa bed) and the bed we slept on. He is the one who bought all these items to be fair to him but it would have been nice to get a "you're 30 weeks pregnant shall I at least leave the sofa bed until you buy a bed to sleep on".
The day he moved out he was very upset and said "this is nothing that can't be fixed". Which blew my mind a bit. We've been trying to spend time together as he still wants to be with me but there's so much anger from me about actioning something so serious so fast I've been finding it difficult.
Today I've decided I can't forgive him and I'd rather coparent our baby successfully but no relationship.
I've sent a very amicable email offering 5050 when the baby is at an appropriate age - from a few phone calls to different solicitors the courts don't recommend 5050 in babies younger than 18 months anyway.
I've said that he can be at mine to bond at the baby as much as he likes (in accordance with a sleeping routine etc of course) and my plan is to always work towards her being able to have a 5050 arrangement, just at an age where its appropriate.
He thinks I'm doing this for financial gain. When I've not once mentioned to him that I've had to buy a new bed, mattress, fridge freezer and sofa. I've bought a new moses basket in the last week and kitted out her nursery with a new cotbed and drawers and decorated it myself, all the while not brought it up with him in terms of finances. I've never asked my sons dad for a penny as we have 5050 so I feel he knows deep down my priority is the kids wellbeing, not finances.
I'm thinking wanting 5050 from birth is actually him being financially motivated. From everything I've read, young babies need stability and consistency especially with their primary caregiver.
I'll reiterate I think 5050 is the best option, and I'm not restricting how much he wants to see the baby in the early days as it's important to me that she bonds with her dad. But I don't think it should happen from birth and 3 solicitors have advised today that judges always consider a babys age and under 18 months is usually a no, especially if I'm being reasonable about how much he gets to see her.
He said he wants to firstly go to family meditation as he wants to fight me on this.
I feel exhausted, I'm trying to do the right thing and feel like I'm getting nowhere. All the while today being told the midwife thinks I'm anemic as I'm feeling faint a lot and I'm growing a very large baby so now consultant led. I've tried to relieve the stress by offering the above and it just doesn't seem good enough?