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Original poster

Disappointed with birthday weekend away - am i being ungrateful?

117 replies

Jackson21 · 11/04/2022 12:11

Hi all, my partner took me away for my birthday this weekend, all planned as a surprise, he arranged for my mum to have the kids and didn't tell me where we were going til halfway through the journey, and said it has been planned for weeks.

My daughter (15) packed my bag including swimming costume and my brand new birthday clothes for the day/evening.

We ended up at a hotel we've been to like loads before, does have a pool and indoor spa which we didnt use, its only an hour away from home. I had a banging headache the whole way there.

Partner went to the local shops and bought himself lots of new clothes, I couldnt spend anything as my rent is due next week and then have my girls birthdays in 2 weeks plus my mums. We did have a nice meal in the local pub but he sat there and watched the grand national which I absolutely hate.

We were in bed by 10pm then home next day by 2, kids back by 3 and all back to normal lol!

Should I be feeling ungrateful? I don't mean to be but just come home feeling a bit disappointed.

OP posts:
hamstersarse · 11/04/2022 12:15

There is such a thing as 'making the most of it'

You were away, in a hotel, in a pub, without the kids, with a spa (that you didn't use) and most of the weekend was sunny and nice everywhere.

Is there more going on? Seems you have some resentment around the financial set up of your relationship?

needmorethanthis · 11/04/2022 12:19

Are you sure that you’re compatible?

aSofaNearYou · 11/04/2022 12:22

Mixed feelings tbh. I think he planned a perfectly nice surprise but then spoilt it a bit by doing all "him" things - Grand National and shopping for just him. I'd have been a bit put out about that.

TonkaTruckduck · 11/04/2022 12:23

Why didn't you use the facilities there?
I don't think your partner can be blamed for your headache Confused
I would have just tried to make the most of it I think.

ApolloandDaphne · 11/04/2022 12:23

It sounds like a nice weekend really. You say you already had new clothes for your birthday and you could have used the spa if you had wanted to. You had a pub meal and the Grand National wasn't on all day. It sounds like you are wanting something to moan about.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 11/04/2022 12:25

I can’t bear the thought of someone packing my bag for me - they’re bound to have missed important stuff out. I can’t bear the thought of someone whisking me away! I would feel like a hostage… Is that something your partner was sure you would like??? I think it was lovingly well-intentioned but if it’s not your thing it would be a nightmare! As for finances. You say partner but are finances desperate? Your partner should have taken your needs and wants into account for Your weekend. Did you suggest an alternative activity? There again with the headache etc I’m guessing you were already just not feeling it. In your situation I feel all that stress (ironic in a spa!) would have me sobbing under a duvet with the anxiety of it all. Do you not feel your partner knows you?? There is a bit of a case for painting a smile on for your dd as I bet she felt she was doing something nice for mum. But your partner is an adult. It’s not a treat if you don’t like that sort of thing 🙁

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 11/04/2022 12:27

“finances separate! Not desperate!”

Choice4567 · 11/04/2022 12:28

Not sure you can blame the headache on anything else. Why didn’t you use the spa?

girlmom21 · 11/04/2022 12:29

I agree you could've made the most of it if you'd wanted to. You chose to be miserable.

2022babyhope · 11/04/2022 12:31

The only thing that would of annoyed me is him watching the grand national at dinner and taking himself on a shopping spree.

Everything else sounds quite nice to be honest.

Have you been together long?

lemongreentea · 11/04/2022 12:32

As others have said. Why didnt you use the spa? Why did you have a headache? Stress of trying to get the kids ready before you leave? And your OH didnt help? Did you take any paracetamol and drink some water?

Hard to say from your post but is there something else going on?

DogsAndGin · 11/04/2022 12:32

Sounds like a nice weekend to me

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 11/04/2022 12:34

Sounds bloody perfect to me.

I would have used the spa and pool while he shopped if you didn't have money to buy anything.

A nice long soak before a lovely pub meal and a few gins sounds absolutely perfect to me op

DockOTheBay · 11/04/2022 12:37

Why didn't you use the spa and pool?
Its not his fault you had a headache. Presumably the grand national was on the TV in the pub, he wasn't watching it on his phone or something?
What did you say when he suggested going shopping for clothes for himself?

Didimum · 11/04/2022 12:38

Was is a 'big' birthday or something? I don't know what the deal is with adults and birthdays - you're not eight years old.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 11/04/2022 12:56

Tbh it all sounds a bit boring, same hotel, not using facilities, in bed by 10. Snore fest for me.
However at least he tried, in a fashion.

isthismylifenow · 11/04/2022 13:04

Why didn't you use the pool and the spa?

Pegasussnail · 11/04/2022 13:05

My dh was a bit like this before we had kids. He just wanted to suit himself but to be fair it's his weekend off too.

Now I plan ahead. So I would ask him what his plans are and if he says he wants to watch a match - I plan something for myself (so use the hotel spa or bath or coffee shop) I don't mind doing stuff on my own. But the bed by 10 thing is annoying if you wanted cocktails or wine and a chat.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 11/04/2022 13:07

Sounds like you didn't actually make any effort yourself to enjoy it. Maybe he was picking up on your negative vibes.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 11/04/2022 13:12

I think if you have the right outlook you can make the most of anything. It sounds like you weren’t happy with where you were going so were determined to be miserable.
You got new clothes so that was a nice ‘extra’ and your daughter packed your swimming costume so I’m not sure why you didn’t use the spa and swimming pool - that’s got to be on you.
Only going an hour away gives you more time to spend there and less time travelling

countrygirl99 · 11/04/2022 13:12

The Grand National was at 5.15 so how did that spoil a meal

NinjaQueen · 11/04/2022 13:14

Your daughter packed your swimming costume, why didn't you use the spa?

I am guessing you don't live together OP?

CurbsideProphet · 11/04/2022 13:16

You spent your birthday watching him buy clothes for himself and watching him watch the Grand National?

NameGoesHere · 11/04/2022 13:21

Why would you have new clothes for this?

LookItsMeAgain · 11/04/2022 13:24

I am not going to say that you're ungrateful but at least you got to go away for the night.

For a significant (to me) birthday (ending in a zero) my DH presented me with a large A4 envelope and in it was a laminated one page document saying that for my birthday we'd go for one night overnight in any 4 or 5* hotel of my selection.

We've not been.

I was really disappointed. If I wanted to go away for a night (not even a weekend or mid-week break) I'd book it myself. As this was supposed to be a gift, you would have thought that he could have gone and made the booking himself.

I've had to give him back/return to store so many ''gifts" that he has bought for me. I am really quite easy to buy for in comparison to him. I like jewellery. I like getting my hair done. I like handbags. It's not rocket science.

Sorry for crashing your thread there @Jackson21 but you're not alone in having poor thought or no thought being put into gifts for you.