Disappointed with birthday weekend away - am i being ungrateful?

[Jackson21]

Hi all, my partner took me away for my birthday this weekend, all planned as a surprise, he arranged for my mum to have the kids and didn't tell me where we were going til halfway through the journey, and said it has been planned for weeks.

My daughter (15) packed my bag including swimming costume and my brand new birthday clothes for the day/evening.

We ended up at a hotel we've been to like loads before, does have a pool and indoor spa which we didnt use, its only an hour away from home. I had a banging headache the whole way there.

Partner went to the local shops and bought himself lots of new clothes, I couldnt spend anything as my rent is due next week and then have my girls birthdays in 2 weeks plus my mums. We did have a nice meal in the local pub but he sat there and watched the grand national which I absolutely hate.

We were in bed by 10pm then home next day by 2, kids back by 3 and all back to normal lol!

Should I be feeling ungrateful? I don't mean to be but just come home feeling a bit disappointed.

The guy arranged a weekend away, organised it with your mum and your daughter. Took you to the hotel you've been before many times so one would assume you like it there. Arranged a nice meal in a pub. You had a lie in next morning. Yet you do complain about lack of shopping money, headache etc.. I think you had a miserable time because you just decided to be miserable. It is also possible he watched grand national to just cheer up himself after spending the day with the obviously unhappy person.
Is it just you don't like this man that's why you had a bad time?

Yep I think you are— but I don’t know what would be your idea of a non disappointing weekend

@Crankley

Let's hope he isn't aware of your disappointment or next year he may not bother to do anything at all for your birthday, then you'll really have something to cry about.

Why such a low bar?

If they have a useful conversation then perhaps he might gain greater awareness of what she would enjoy? And OP might learn the value of frank conversations so that others can better understand preferences and perceptions?

@countrygirl99

The Grand National was at 5.15 so how did that spoil a meal

Because the meal was also at 5:15?

Sounds like my ideal get away to be honest. Although never been further than 20 miles with dp and never actually seen him on my birthday or other holidays after 7 years. I used to fantasise going away somewhere for the night and be back by lunch time the next day but it was too much to ask for

I think it sounds a nice thing to do on your birthday, in fact I did exactly the same for mine this year. Only difference was I used the spa, only for an hour as that was all that was allowed. I enjoyed every minute of my little break.
A hotel an hour away sounds perfect for one night.
Maybe you should have gone to the spa while he went shopping.

Troll post - surely? Op not back after 7 hours.

Ok you could have gone to the spa whilst he watched the horses but you chose not to
You sound selfish and ungrateful next time stay at home and complain nobody did anything for you

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Everyone has their own bars and I’m sitting her with a furrowed brow because I’ve read some incredibly low bar responses.

Sounds to me you wanted a bit of thought and romance. Seems like he just auto piloted it and didn’t treat you like you were special on your special day.

I presume this is something he’s done before? Taking the Ho hum effort where it’s disappointing but nothing you can feel really angry over?

OP, you set your bar wherever you like. I will never ever try to lower another’s woman’s bar. Frankly, it sounds like a boring ass time that took a couple days to sort and not weeks. You watching him spoil himself on your special trip and then having to deal with whatever he wanted to do. Yuck.

I think a lot of women need to wake the hell up and understand that you needn’t feel OMG soooo grateful for someone putting in effort. Especially when it isn’t enough. You deserve effort.

Do you feel that everyone you do things for should be grateful? If you do, do you believe they actually are? Or is it on your shoulders to always make the best of Ho hum treatment because there are even worse men out there? Grateful to at least not be stuck with a worse scenario?

Many woman seem happy with this trip, but it doesn’t mean you have to. Everyone has their own wants. Don’t ignore yours.

What would have been your ideal birthday?

Going off to buy clothes for himself seems a bit off. Although I don’t get the problem with the grand national. It’s once a year and doesn't last that long! If it was an entire football match I’d get it ….
A night away without kids with a spa sounds like a dream to me ….!

My DH has never taken me away for my birthday, even significant ones because he doesn't think birthdays are worth the fuss. It doesn't bother me at all. We go out for a meal, not always on the day if the actual birthday clashes with something else . I have friends who cannot believe this as they expect to be flown somewhere special, showered with expensive gifts and treated like a Princess for the duration (for all birthdays, not just significant ones) I find that a bit pathetic.
We're all different.
I feel you didn't make the most of what you had; you feel hard done by. But I don't know you, your DP does. Either you're incompatible or don't really know each other or communicate very well. I think that's the issue rather than the birthday trip itself - which some people would die for.

Did he offer to pay for you to have a treatment in the spa ?

@Dimondsareforever

Going off to buy clothes for himself seems a bit off. Although I don’t get the problem with the grand national. It’s once a year and doesn't last that long! If it was an entire football match I’d get it …. A night away without kids with a spa sounds like a dream to me ….!

Exactly. I'd haveeft him in the pub with his horses and gone and chilled in the spa!

You sound really hard work!
It's an hour away so you must have stayed until at least 1, its not as if they've check you out at 9am
There doesn't seem to have been any reason why you couldn't have used the spa if you'd wanted to
Nobody can be blamed for you having a headache! Take some Ibuprofen, and a cold swim might have helped tbh!
You already had new clothes...if you can't afford more you can't afford more, what's the issue with that?
If you didn't want to go clothes shopping or watch the grand national couldn't you have just said? You don't have to be joined at the hip all the time with your partner, you could have gone for a walk/wqtched a film/read a book/to the pool while he did those things if you'd wanted.
Your poor partner chose a place he thought you'd like, made all the arrangements and your complaining because you had a headache? Would the headache have magically evaporated if you'd flown to Paris or something?

And you didn't use the spa because...?

And you went to bed at 10pm because..?

And you let him watch the Grand National during your birthday dinner because...?

I think you were determined not to enjoy it.

So what if it's a hotel you've been to before. Going away for the night isn't something you're automatically entitled to on your birthday. It's a treat. He's planned it in advance. He spent 20 mins watching the Grand National and went shopping. Presumably he didn't stop you shopping, perhaps he didn't know things were tight for you right now?

And you can't blame him for the headache.