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Original poster

Disappointed with birthday weekend away - am i being ungrateful?

117 replies

Jackson21 · 11/04/2022 12:11

Hi all, my partner took me away for my birthday this weekend, all planned as a surprise, he arranged for my mum to have the kids and didn't tell me where we were going til halfway through the journey, and said it has been planned for weeks.

My daughter (15) packed my bag including swimming costume and my brand new birthday clothes for the day/evening.

We ended up at a hotel we've been to like loads before, does have a pool and indoor spa which we didnt use, its only an hour away from home. I had a banging headache the whole way there.

Partner went to the local shops and bought himself lots of new clothes, I couldnt spend anything as my rent is due next week and then have my girls birthdays in 2 weeks plus my mums. We did have a nice meal in the local pub but he sat there and watched the grand national which I absolutely hate.

We were in bed by 10pm then home next day by 2, kids back by 3 and all back to normal lol!

Should I be feeling ungrateful? I don't mean to be but just come home feeling a bit disappointed.

OP posts:

Catrice · 11/04/2022 13:30

Going off shopping for new clothes for him is a bit off (instead of spending the time doing something nice with you) and I'd be pissed off by him watching the grand national during the meal instead of chatting to me but at least he tried to do something special for your birthday. And as others have said, it's not his fault that you had a headache!

knittingaddict · 11/04/2022 13:39

@DogsAndGin

Sounds like a nice weekend to me

No it bloody doesn't.

Honestly can't stand the competition on mn sometimes to put people down for perfectly valid feelings about so called treats that are anything but. There's always a handful on every thread like this.

It was the ops's birthday treat and they didn't go somewhere new for a change, the op's partner spent some chunk of it shopping for himself and watched a sport the op hates. Not very thoughful is it?

knittingaddict · 11/04/2022 13:40

The headache is not his fault though. Take paracetamol next time op.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/04/2022 13:42

What would you rather have done?

Teeturtle · 11/04/2022 13:50

I would prefer not to have been surprised and to have packed my own bag. But otherwise it seems like a perfectly reasonable and nice birthday. The Grand National is on for what, fifteen minutes, and is not at dinner time for most grownups. You could have used the spa and pool, the headache was unfortunate. I think you are determined to complain.

BirdWatch · 11/04/2022 13:50

You feel how you feel. It does sound like a boring time to me. He's not the romantic type I guess.

rookiemere · 11/04/2022 13:52

Poor man.
Maybe he didn't want to spend a lot of time driving and picked somewhere he knew or thought he knew that you liked.
He asked your Dd to pack your bag in advance - surely that's a nice treat.
Not his fault you had a headache- presumably that's why he went out shopping.
You could have used the pool complex when he was out shopping or said you preferred to do that than watch the Grand National.
Sorry but he's coming off better than you atm.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 11/04/2022 13:54

Do you live together op?

Do you get opportunities to go away overnight normally so it didn't feel special? Or like a treat?

The grand national isn't on for long is it?

I'm confused op at the minute.

LetHimHaveIt · 11/04/2022 13:55

Yeah; I think the OP is being unreasonable.

The headache was bugger-all to do with her partner, and would probably have been worse if they'd travelled further afield. Not sure why that's been mentioned.

And the Grand National lasts about fifteen minutes, so it's not like he devoted the whole day to a 'sport the OP hates'. If he was insisting on watching the build-up, she should've said something. She accepts that the pub lunch was nice.

Buying a load of new clothes was maybe a bit tone-deaf, but hardly a big no-no.

If finances are that limited, she wouldn't have beeen a been able paint the town red at any rate, so bed by ten isn't too bad, is it?

She should've enjoyed the pool and spa.

AgrippinaT · 11/04/2022 13:55

Nah sounds boring. YANBU

LagunaBubbles · 11/04/2022 14:21

Why didn't you use the pool and spa?

AryaStarkWolf · 11/04/2022 14:22

Why didn't you use the Pool or Spa?

AryaStarkWolf · 11/04/2022 14:22

@LagunaBubbles

Why didn't you use the pool and spa?

oop snap!

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/04/2022 14:24

Why didn’t you use the spa snd pool

Why didn’t you eat after 530

Grand national was 515 and on maybe 15/20mins

You could have had a nice weekend but chose not to IMO

TheWernethWife · 11/04/2022 14:24

Why didn't you use the pool and spa?

Believe it or not Mumsnetters, not everyone loves a spa, me included

Christinatherabbit · 11/04/2022 14:24

Do you live together? Why did you not use the pool or spa? What would you have done had you had the choice and was there any way for him to know ie had you been dropping hints?

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 11/04/2022 14:24

I think it sounds nice. He put thought into it and even got your daughter to pack nice clothes and swimming costume. Why didn't you use the pool?

The national is only on for about 20 minutes/half an hour. Surely that didn't take up the whole time in the pub.

Sounds like you wanted to be a bit of a martyr.

SarahBellam · 11/04/2022 14:27

Sounds like he had his ideal weekend, though why didn’t you at least go to the spa for an hour or two.

MrsTimRiggins · 11/04/2022 14:28

@Blondeshavemorefun

Why didn’t you use the spa snd pool

Why didn’t you eat after 530

Grand national was 515 and on maybe 15/20mins

You could have had a nice weekend but chose not to IMO

This, I’m afraid!

Imherenowandthen · 11/04/2022 14:28

I think you’re pretty ungrateful yes. I’d love any sort of time away, I wouldn’t need to go shopping, just relax and enjoy being away from home. I’ve never had a gift like that in my 57 years, so I think you’re pretty lucky.

TigerLilyTail · 11/04/2022 14:29

It does sound like he was a bit thoughtless and you had a boring weekend.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/04/2022 14:31

So you're allowed brand new clothes but your partner isn't; despite him paying for a night away in a spa which you didn't use?

I hope you said thank you at least. You sound very ungrateful.

BritInUS1 · 11/04/2022 14:32

It sounds like you were determined to not enjoy the weekend

Were you actually trying to talk over the meal? Did you watch the Grand National because you were sulking?

Why didn't you use the spa?

KirstenBlest · 11/04/2022 14:33

It sounds like he made an effort but not enough.

A hotel you've been to before is a bit unimaginative. Not everyone likes a spa. I'd probably hate it. I'd hate the surprise elemment

YANBU but I've had worse.

jampim · 11/04/2022 14:38

Was it a zero birthday?

Yes I think you're being ungrateful. Did you expect him to buy you more clothes when shopping as well as taking you to a hotel and for dinner?

Why didn't you use the spa?

It must have cost him a few hundred.

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