I recently asked DP to leave. We have a son who is almost 8 months old. It's a long story why I asked him to leave, but I was betrayed by him (not cheating or anything to do with another woman). It was the straw that broke the camels back on a certain contentious issue surrounding his family. I've posted about them before, and things have only got worse since then.
I knew he wouldn't be able to afford to get himself somewhere for months and I didn't want to see him on someones sofa, so I decided to offer him sone money so he could rent somewhere immediately. I pay all our bills from a pot we both put an equal amount into, and we pay our rent 12 months in advance, so each month we put our half of the rent into another pot for that. So I had a few thousand in the bank, but it wasn't spare, it was our rent and bills money for the future. I just thought we would scrimp and it would hopefully even out until our next tenancy renewal, and that it was more important we had space from each other ASAP.
So I asked him to work out how much he would need to be able to leave. He said £600. I thought that sounded reasonable if rent was £450 for the month, £100 for bills and then a small food shop as a good will gesture. I didn't ask him any questions about it, I just trusted him and sent it.
So he left. After a few days, we were talking amicably over WhatsApp and he was saying about how he was going to use the time away to work through his issues and wouldn't stop fighting for us, wanted to do couples counselling, etc. I was unsure, but he was saying all the right things and although I was still hurt and angry, I did think we could work things out in the future if what he said was true.
However, he then told me something that made me absolutely furious. He had used the money I had sent him to buy an expensive piece of furniture he genuinely did not need.
He can work from home if he wants and had been doing so at our home on a desk I'd got him. It was a bit small as it had to fit a certain gap in the room, but he worked on it for 10 hours 4 days a week for 2 months during the last Covid wave, so it obviously did the job. I offered it to him to take with him, but he complained it was too small and he also needed somewhere for his TV to go now. He showed me he had just ordered himself a £70 corner desk.
I was shocked and asked him how he could afford that, and why was he using the money I sent him to buy furniture. He said the amount he had asked for wasn't actually for rent and bills, it was just to 'set himself up' and 'get through the rest of the month' (until he got paid in 3 weeks). I asked him how he could justify needing £200 a week when he can work from home. He said he didn't need to justify it to me, and that I didn't get to decide what he does and doesn't need. We don't live in London or anywhere expensive, so £200 a week to live on is a lot and way, way more than he/we had when he was living with us. It turns out the guy he's moved in with hadn't actually asked him for any certain amount, and was helping him out as a favour as he had a spare room.
I told him he'd taken the piss out of me and his son by taking money from us that he didn't actually need, and I would be starting a CSA claim immediately to recoup that money. He said he's just trying to survive a situation I put him in. I feel like he's decided to profit off this situation.
I'm disgusted by what he's done and feel like all hope is lost for this man to rejoin us as a family in the future. He told me I needed counselling as I was reacting so badly to things. I feel like I'm well within my rights to be upset about this, and to suggest I need counselling because of it is very manipulative.
I think I just want to know how this would make other people feel? Is it possible I am actually overreacting to this? I know there's worse things people do. I feel so guilty and sad for my son who clearly loves his dad, but I'm incredibly angry on his behalf that his dad would even think to take a penny he didn't genuinely need from us.
What would you do if you were me?