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Original poster

Friend's new boyfriend has 7 kids. Can it work out ?

127 replies

chattycaterpillar · 04/04/2022 21:52

Before anyone asks, I am not the friend. I'm pregnant, nauseous and not up for anything as remotely interesting as sex/ dating. My good friend, ( call her Lauren), is due to a "guideparent," ( having a non religous naming ceremony). Lauren is a lovely, kind girl who deserves the best, but hasn't always had the best of luck with love.

She's recently met a new guy online, ( call him James), three months ago. Her and James are now really close, she's staying most nights at his, she seems really happy with him. I was thrilled...but then she let slip James has seven kids.

James is 34, she is 27.

James as an 11 year old daughter with babymother 1.

James then went on to have a six year old daughter and five year old son with babymother 2.

He then went on to have a three year old daughter, 18 month old son and four month old twins with babymother 3. He says he and babymother 3 split when she was six months pregnant. He has regular contact with the eldest three children, ( my friend has met all three), but says mother 3 hasn't allowed him to see the youngest kids since they plit seven months ago, ( although he says he was allowed tosee the twins in hospital when they were born).

So my initial thoughts re more red flags than a soviet parade....( not seeing the youngest four kids, logging onto ating websites when ex was heavily pregnant with twins....) but my friend, ( who isn't normally like this), is besotted with him. He says he's happy to have kids 8/9 with her, he loves her etc.

To add balance, he seems to get on very well with mother's one and two, who have both been for drinks/ days out with the kids with him and my friend.

My friend is lovely and I want happiness for her. Every instinct is screaming this won't work....you're going to tell me i'm right , aren't you ?

OP posts:
passport123 · 04/04/2022 21:55

oh dear. Lauren hasn't acquired much wisdom/savvy in her 27 years on this planet so far.

HellToTheNope · 04/04/2022 21:55

Lauren is insane and her standards are on the floor.

Notagoodnight · 04/04/2022 21:57

Is he rich? 7 kids is expensive

duckie3 · 04/04/2022 21:58

Unfortunately it says quite a lot about his character that he doesn't fight more to see his youngest three (unless he is currently actively trying to see them). Lauren should cut ties sooner rather than later before she ends up pregnant too and her child becomes just another in a long line to him.

excelledyourself · 04/04/2022 21:59

Three months in and she's met his kids and staying most nights together?

And I'd say the day whether he had one kid or twenty.

She's being ridiculous.

Jk24 · 04/04/2022 22:01

Willing to have dc 8 and 9 with Lauren then find babymother 5 for dc 10?

Ragwort · 04/04/2022 22:02

Of course it won't work ... you must make her see sense.

AffIt · 04/04/2022 22:02

Hell no. This is proper Jeremy Kyle stuff.

Unless she's desperate to end up as a single mother and form a support group (or maybe a band) with the other three?

Emmelina · 04/04/2022 22:03

Lauren needs to throw this one back in the sea unless she wants to become babymother 4!

Mulledmead · 04/04/2022 22:05

I agree there are plenty of red flags.
So many kids.
Your friend is virtually living with him after 3 months?
He is already talking about having more kids with her?
Your friend has met all the kids he does have contact with already?
How does he support all these kids financially. also emotionally and practically? How does contact work?

It wouldn't be for me.

Hopefully she will see sense sooner rather than later.

Catshaveiteasy · 04/04/2022 22:05

He has left 3 women and their children? What a catch! Love must indeed be blind. But what can you do?

Original poster
chattycaterpillar · 04/04/2022 22:05

@Notagoodnight

Is he rich? 7 kids is expensive
Not rich, he does work full time but as a chef so relatively poorly paid. I haven't actually asked whether he pays maintenance, although I assume if they wanted it the mother's could get it taken directly from his earnings via the CMS as he's a PAYE employee.
OP posts:
Seema1234 · 04/04/2022 22:06

My friend met someone like this. He seemed to use back to back pregnancies as a form of control. He dumped my friend after she had 3 children in as many years (to add to his 2) and he immediately had 2 more children with someone else.

Therealjudgejudy · 04/04/2022 22:06

Lauren must be desperate..

custardbear · 04/04/2022 22:06

She needs to run and keep running! He's addicted to fathering children ... and moving on to the next sucker

Original poster
chattycaterpillar · 04/04/2022 22:07

@duckie3

Unfortunately it says quite a lot about his character that he doesn't fight more to see his youngest three (unless he is currently actively trying to see them). Lauren should cut ties sooner rather than later before she ends up pregnant too and her child becomes just another in a long line to him.
She says he is having quite a lot of arguments with mother number 3 about the youngest four, but I don't believe he has contacted a solicitor regarding this, ( but then I spose he might not be able to afford one).
OP posts:
Original poster
chattycaterpillar · 04/04/2022 22:09

@Therealjudgejudy

Lauren must be desperate..
I might be her friend speaking, but Lauren has no reason to be desperate. Good job, pretty girl, nice family, own income etc......she does seem to really like him though, although she does admit she would not normally be keen on the 7 kids / 3 mother's, ( so far...)
OP posts:
Original poster
chattycaterpillar · 04/04/2022 22:11

One of my main concerns, ( even above the number of children/ mother's), is he was online dating whilst mother 3 was pregnant with twins, ( they split when she was pregnant, even though they had two children together pre-dating the twin pregnancy). He'd been with mother 3 for over 3 years, they had two kids together, she was pregnant with twins, yet as soon as they split he was online dating .

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 04/04/2022 22:12

You are right yes.

Can you discuss with her?! The main thing would appear to be BIRTH CONTROL. Hopefully she’ll come to her senses.

Hausa · 04/04/2022 22:13

What’s Lauren’s dad like? Does she have any reason to think this is normal? As it all sounds so completely batshit!

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 04/04/2022 22:16

One of my main concerns, ( even above the number of children/ mother's), is he was online dating whilst mother 3 was pregnant with twins,

So not only is he a professional sperm donor, he can't be trusted...

Tell her to run, not walk !

seensome · 04/04/2022 22:17

Anyone would think the same tbh
He must have some of sort of hypnotic charm about him! I would have to speak my truth whether or she listens is another matter.

YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 04/04/2022 22:18

Lauren will be on Mumsnet this time next year saying, "I'm 8 months pregnant, bf is cheating on me, how do I win him back?"

You can't fix stupid.

FKATondelayo · 04/04/2022 22:22

Christ, my extended family is full of men like this and let me tell you, their kids don't talk to them or hate them.

Lauren is an idiot or has issues you don't know about. Either way, she should run a mile.

MondeoFan · 04/04/2022 22:22

I don't think this can work sadly. Bf doesn't take life seriously, he sounds like a jerk, as long as he's seeing his oats he just doesn't care. Is he paying maintenance I wonder?