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Original poster

Friend's new boyfriend has 7 kids. Can it work out ?

127 replies

chattycaterpillar · 04/04/2022 21:52

Before anyone asks, I am not the friend. I'm pregnant, nauseous and not up for anything as remotely interesting as sex/ dating. My good friend, ( call her Lauren), is due to a "guideparent," ( having a non religous naming ceremony). Lauren is a lovely, kind girl who deserves the best, but hasn't always had the best of luck with love.

She's recently met a new guy online, ( call him James), three months ago. Her and James are now really close, she's staying most nights at his, she seems really happy with him. I was thrilled...but then she let slip James has seven kids.

James is 34, she is 27.

James as an 11 year old daughter with babymother 1.

James then went on to have a six year old daughter and five year old son with babymother 2.

He then went on to have a three year old daughter, 18 month old son and four month old twins with babymother 3. He says he and babymother 3 split when she was six months pregnant. He has regular contact with the eldest three children, ( my friend has met all three), but says mother 3 hasn't allowed him to see the youngest kids since they plit seven months ago, ( although he says he was allowed tosee the twins in hospital when they were born).

So my initial thoughts re more red flags than a soviet parade....( not seeing the youngest four kids, logging onto ating websites when ex was heavily pregnant with twins....) but my friend, ( who isn't normally like this), is besotted with him. He says he's happy to have kids 8/9 with her, he loves her etc.

To add balance, he seems to get on very well with mother's one and two, who have both been for drinks/ days out with the kids with him and my friend.

My friend is lovely and I want happiness for her. Every instinct is screaming this won't work....you're going to tell me i'm right , aren't you ?

OP posts:
jimmyjammy001 · 04/04/2022 22:28

Oh dear... Lauren is going to mess her life up by having more of his kids and she will be the 5th women he's impregnated, but it will fall on you as her friend to support her poor life decision when it all goes wrong for the rest of the friendship which will be very draining on you, I'd tell her I don't support her decision and won't support her as a friend when it all goes wrong as don't need that drama and hassle in my life

Georgeskitchen · 04/04/2022 22:32

His child support bill must be astronomical

Femalewoman · 04/04/2022 22:33

Lauren will be baby-mother number 4 and probably looking for baby-mother number 5 whilst with Lauren.

Be wise, don't be a Lauren.

Original poster
chattycaterpillar · 04/04/2022 22:34

@Thesefeetaremadeforwalking

One of my main concerns, ( even above the number of children/ mother's), is he was online dating whilst mother 3 was pregnant with twins,

So not only is he a professional sperm donor, he can't be trusted...

Tell her to run, not walk !

Just to clarify, his story is he split up with mother 3 when she was six months pregnant with the twins, ( they already had 2 kids together at this point), as they were no longer getting on. Three and a half year relationship ended. He then, as he was single, was on dating sites when mother 3 was approx. 7 months pregnant....so his arguement is, I guess, they'd already split up, so he hadn't technically cheated...
OP posts:
tkwal · 04/04/2022 22:36

I would suggest Lauren gets the implant pdq and gives this man no chances to mess her about. One strike and he's out....that is if she won't listen to your good advice and insists on seeing him. All you can do is warn her that he will f...mess her life up and then be there to help pick up the pieces.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 04/04/2022 22:37

A member of my family has 7 kids. We don’t actually know how many fathers. She seems to have met the right one now, is just desperate to be loved.

It’s not a good life, it’s poverty, it’s heart ache, it’s sacrifice, it’s not having holidays, autonomy, or nice things. If Lauren wants that then that’s her choice.

Itwasntmeright · 04/04/2022 22:37

Wow, what a prince.

Moser85 · 04/04/2022 22:39

Not rich, he does work full time but as a chef so relatively poorly paid. I haven't actually asked whether he pays maintenance, although I assume if they wanted it the mother's could get it taken directly from his earnings via the CMS as he's a PAYE employee.

They would probably only get a very small amount considering he has 7 children!

She says he is having quite a lot of arguments with mother number 3 about the youngest four, but I don't believe he has contacted a solicitor regarding this, ( but then I spose he might not be able to afford one).

Surely he wouldn't need a solicitor. Can't he represent himself? Unless there's a good reason then he'd be awarded contact.

Your friend is insane to ignore these red flags. As you said he was on dating sites with a new baby at home and his ex heavily pregnant with twins. Gross.

Of course he's happy to have number 8 and 9 etc with her. He's not the one left looking after the kids!

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/04/2022 22:47

He seems to fall in the category of men, who just keep going and going. There was a guy, who used to work in my village. He told me he had 13 children and dozens of grandchildren. He was very proud of his virility. I can’t remember with how many mothers. But more than you could count on one hand.

boronia · 04/04/2022 22:48

And he's only 34 and been fathering children since he was 16! He could have have another 7 or more by age 50 at this rate.
Run, Lauren, run.

EatSleepReplete · 04/04/2022 22:53

"Lauren is a lovely, kind girl who deserves the best, but hasn't always had the best of luck with love."

It would probably be kind, in the long run, to tell her why. She keeps picking users & losers. She'll never have any luck while her standards are so low.

Herejustforthisone · 04/04/2022 22:58

Oh boy. Lauren needs to wake the fuck up. And run. What a feckless mess he is.

He’s already said he’s happy to have kid 8 and 9 with her? Vile.

babywalker56 · 04/04/2022 23:02

Not entirely the same thing but my uncle had 5 kids. 1 with the first baby mum and 4 with the second. Out of nowhere this really intelligent, successful woman who’s a banker and owns her own home, was in a relationship with my uncle. Literally the whole family was asking her if she was okay as no one understood why you’d have no kids yourself but be with someone who had 5! My uncle’s a great dad and involved in all his kids lives and has good co parenting relationships with both baby mums but it still didn’t make sense to anyone in my family.

Fast forward to now and they have 2 kids together, own a home together and are engaged. I’m still shocked yet happy it all worked out for her. She’s a step mum to his other 5 kids, she loves them and they love her so seem to be a win win I guess.

You never know, the same could happen with your friend but by the sounds of it, I highly doubt it. A man that has 7 kids with 3 baby mum’s but doesn’t even see the youngest ones for whatever reason? I don’t understand what my uncle’s partner saw in him and he had 5 kids let alone having 7. I’m clearly biased but I agree with the majority of the comments. Unless she wants to end up a single mum or something, she should try and slow things down!

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 04/04/2022 23:04

I can't believe what I am reading.

I thought, reading the first couple of sentences, that you were asking if she was to be the (let me go back and get the definition right, not godmother, but "guideparent") that the question was going to be that he was going to be one too and what do we think?

I am so glad it wasn't that.

This guy is bad news all the way through. Too much trouble, seriously!

WonderfulYou · 04/04/2022 23:04

The red flag here is that she met him 3 months ago and has already met his kids.

Him and your friend are complete idiots and sound perfect for each other.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 04/04/2022 23:05

@chattycaterpillar

so his arguement is, I guess, they'd already split up, so he hadn't technically cheated...

He's a real wordsmith isn't he? He bends the situation to put himself in the best light. Wow, what a catch !

thelengthspeoplegoto · 04/04/2022 23:09

Does he pay maintenance for his 7 kids? Poor Lauren, tell her to run a mile.

BOOTS52 · 04/04/2022 23:09

I would not get involved with a man with so many kids with so many mums and not seeing his youngest would concern me. But, if you try to advise her she will tell him and he could turn her against you so all as you can do is be there for her if and when things go wrong. Just talk to her and make sure she is using the most reliable contraception. As you said she is besotted so if you try to say anything she will be drawn to him more. Just hope she is not the next one having his children.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 04/04/2022 23:10

Not rich, he does work full time but as a chef so relatively poorly paid.

That's a physically demanding job with often long anti-social hours. He must be super-fit to provide this voluntary impregnation service in his time off Hmm

Sarcasm ^

NeverChange · 04/04/2022 23:10

I suspect Paddy Power would think they were robbing you if you asked to bet on her being deserted baby moma number 4 before 2024 is out!

I would want the implant in both arms before I would even be in the same room as him.

Seriously though, what on earth does she think is going to happen her. She'll be the one to tie him down & tame his ways? There's a pattern and it's not a good one.

thelengthspeoplegoto · 04/04/2022 23:14

Sorry. Just noticed my question was already answered. Again though, Poor Lauren. Help her see sense

pastypirate · 04/04/2022 23:16

So he's allergic to contraception then.

Original poster
chattycaterpillar · 04/04/2022 23:17

@NeverChange

I suspect Paddy Power would think they were robbing you if you asked to bet on her being deserted baby moma number 4 before 2024 is out!

I would want the implant in both arms before I would even be in the same room as him.

Seriously though, what on earth does she think is going to happen her. She'll be the one to tie him down & tame his ways? There's a pattern and it's not a good one.

Well his story seems to be the women cheated on/ were horrible to him etc. Says he's not a player and just wants to settle down.
OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 04/04/2022 23:21

i was engaged very quickly after meeting dh but still didnt meet his dc that soon

hes going to just impregnate her and leave-prob with nothing

whynotwhatknot · 04/04/2022 23:23

Yeah of course they all cheated on him-so why didnt he have a break instead of instantly moving to the next one