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Original poster

Friend's new boyfriend has 7 kids. Can it work out ?

127 replies

chattycaterpillar · 04/04/2022 21:52

Before anyone asks, I am not the friend. I'm pregnant, nauseous and not up for anything as remotely interesting as sex/ dating. My good friend, ( call her Lauren), is due to a "guideparent," ( having a non religous naming ceremony). Lauren is a lovely, kind girl who deserves the best, but hasn't always had the best of luck with love.

She's recently met a new guy online, ( call him James), three months ago. Her and James are now really close, she's staying most nights at his, she seems really happy with him. I was thrilled...but then she let slip James has seven kids.

James is 34, she is 27.

James as an 11 year old daughter with babymother 1.

James then went on to have a six year old daughter and five year old son with babymother 2.

He then went on to have a three year old daughter, 18 month old son and four month old twins with babymother 3. He says he and babymother 3 split when she was six months pregnant. He has regular contact with the eldest three children, ( my friend has met all three), but says mother 3 hasn't allowed him to see the youngest kids since they plit seven months ago, ( although he says he was allowed tosee the twins in hospital when they were born).

So my initial thoughts re more red flags than a soviet parade....( not seeing the youngest four kids, logging onto ating websites when ex was heavily pregnant with twins....) but my friend, ( who isn't normally like this), is besotted with him. He says he's happy to have kids 8/9 with her, he loves her etc.

To add balance, he seems to get on very well with mother's one and two, who have both been for drinks/ days out with the kids with him and my friend.

My friend is lovely and I want happiness for her. Every instinct is screaming this won't work....you're going to tell me i'm right , aren't you ?

OP posts:
felulageller · 04/04/2022 23:28

I'd love baby mother 3's take on him!

LynetteScavo · 04/04/2022 23:31

mother 3 hasn't allowed him to see the youngest kids since they plit seven months ago,

So she'd rather cope with four DC under four alone than let him see his children? MASSIVE. RED. FLAG.

EthelTheAardvark · 04/04/2022 23:36

Not rich, he does work full time but as a chef so relatively poorly paid. I haven't actually asked whether he pays maintenance, although I assume if they wanted it the mother's could get it taken directly from his earnings via the CMS as he's a PAYE employee

On a chef's wage he won't be paying more than a few pounds at most for each child, so I assume their unfortunate mothers and/or the benefits system are picking up the slack.

It's not surprising he's happy to have more children. He has no intention of bringing them up or maintaining them.

loopycurtains · 04/04/2022 23:36

I know I'm missing the main point here but... how on Earth do you know he's on PAYE?

boronia · 04/04/2022 23:40

There's a sperm donor shortage here in Australia. Buy the man a plane ticket and get him out of Lauren's life Wink.

Duchess379 · 04/04/2022 23:41

'Lauren' will be on MN soon, telling her woes of being pregnant with her bf who has 7 kids & she's not getting much support! Women, why do we continue to do this? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Hollyhobbi · 04/04/2022 23:42

Your friend needs to have a sexual health check first and then if she is having sex with this waster use spermicide, a condom and an implant, the pill or an iud!! Did you say your friend has been for drinks with single mothers no 1 and no. 2? Bizarre.

thenewduchessoflapland · 04/04/2022 23:46

My nieces mum met a bloke who already had 4 kids by 3 different women including a set of twins.

He wasn't and still isn't in contact with said children,doesn't pay maintenance,says the baby mommas are evil witches who keep him from his kids and were all abusive to him.

He's had 2 kids with my nieces mum then started sleeping with her friend when she was pregnant with baby number 2.She found out and left him.He's currently spouting off to anyone who's stupid enough to listen that my nieces mum was also abusing him.

We're waiting for the pregnancy announcement from his mistress now turned fiancé (my nieces mum left him last September).

He's only 37;he needs a vasectomy to stop him irresponsibly conceiving kids he runs away from and doesn't support in any way.

Flickflak · 04/04/2022 23:46

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WelshyMaud · 04/04/2022 23:51

She wants her head examined.

I wouldn't care if he was the loveliest guy ever, a Saint who genuinely was unlucky enough to have three exes cheat on him. A brilliant dad, looking after all his kids wonderfully.

It's still 7 kids with 3 different women. 3 other families to organise, discuss access with, talk about money and all the rest.

Sounds exhausting and miserable.

TibetanTerrah · 04/04/2022 23:51

That man needs to get the snip.

DelphiniumBlue · 04/04/2022 23:57

So he's the sort of loser who would split up with the mother of his 2 children under 3 while she was pregnant with twins?? Because they weren't getting on?? That's not really a very good reason, is it? Probably she wasn't as fun as she used to be, I expect she nagged him too. FFS. Tell lovely Lauren to make sure her contraception is 100% watertight. He's the type who will deliberately get her pregnant.

choosername1234 · 05/04/2022 00:01

I strongly suspect he uses repeated pregnancies and births as a form of control in his relationships.
She needs cast iron birth control which he cannot interfere with in anyway - implant or coil perhaps.
I wonder if he will move on to someone else if she doesn't get pregnant quickly?

WillSmithsRightHook · 05/04/2022 00:18

@TibetanTerrah

That man needs to get the snip.
This!! Lauren needs to run fast! Despite littering kids all over the place, this man has all the hallmarks of a massive cocklodger!
Original poster
chattycaterpillar · 05/04/2022 00:22

@loopycurtains

I know I'm missing the main point here but... how on Earth do you know he's on PAYE?
He works for a well known chain restaurant, so it's not like it's a little restaurant where he could be employed and paid in cash.
OP posts:
Original poster
chattycaterpillar · 05/04/2022 00:25

@Hollyhobbi

Your friend needs to have a sexual health check first and then if she is having sex with this waster use spermicide, a condom and an implant, the pill or an iud!! Did you say your friend has been for drinks with single mothers no 1 and no. 2? Bizarre.
Yes, bizarrely him and mothers 1 and 2 all seem to get on, Lauren has met up/ been for drinks/ BBQ with them. Mother 3 Lauren has not met as obviously there is a serious dispute there.
OP posts:
IAMGE · 05/04/2022 00:26

@Seema1234

My friend met someone like this. He seemed to use back to back pregnancies as a form of control. He dumped my friend after she had 3 children in as many years (to add to his 2) and he immediately had 2 more children with someone else.
It’s a frequent tactic of abusive men. Love bomb them. I love you, you are my soul mate - you want children - o baby so do I - you’ll make a great dad to our children - pregnant then not supportive - chef no money or working too late and then asleep then next day etc after 2 years enough - she’ll move on and join the others. I would honestly push it for her to meet the exes. If he really cared he would be seeing the children he has.
Original poster
chattycaterpillar · 05/04/2022 00:27

@LynetteScavo

mother 3 hasn't allowed him to see the youngest kids since they plit seven months ago,

So she'd rather cope with four DC under four alone than let him see his children? MASSIVE. RED. FLAG.

Yes, this was my thoughts tbh. I'm concerned as to what makes him so awful that mother 3 does not even want a break when she has four under four including new-born twins. Obviously he says mother 3 is just a difficult/ controlling person, but it seems off to me that,( even if she was difficult/ controlling), he'd have time to be meeting people for dates/ new relationships when he'd just split from a 3 year + relationship with mother 3 and she was having his twins.
OP posts:
oakleaffy · 05/04/2022 01:00

@custardbear

She needs to run and keep running! He's addicted to fathering children ... and moving on to the next sucker
THIS

He needs a vasectomy

FAST

What a feckless geezer, and the women were fools rot allow themselves to be impregnated by this type of casual bloke.

MrsMarkRonson · 05/04/2022 01:05

She says he is having quite a lot of arguments with mother number 3 about the youngest four, but I don't believe he has contacted a solicitor regarding this, ( but then I spose he might not be able to afford one).

The woman has FOUR children under 4! Jeez. I suppose everything is all her fault too? Hmm

RantyAunty · 05/04/2022 01:58

Does your friend not see how ridiculous this all is?

Love bomber, impregnates, leaves.

CJsGoldfish · 05/04/2022 02:15

So you've got a guy who is stupid enough to be having babies he can't afford to have (NO WAY is he paying maintenance for 7 kids) and looking like it's pretty soon into the 'relationship'.
He's irresponsible at the very least and your friend is a fool to consider such a twat as relationship material. She'll end up paying for those kids in one way or another, for sure.

SarahBellam · 05/04/2022 02:26

Is your friend dating Boris Johnson? Either way I’d say RUN FOR THE HILLS.

SnowyPetals · 05/04/2022 02:36

Good lord, why on earth would anyone invite this level of complexity into their life? Run for the hills.

Moser85 · 05/04/2022 03:15

@CJsGoldfish

So you've got a guy who is stupid enough to be having babies he can't afford to have (NO WAY is he paying maintenance for 7 kids) and looking like it's pretty soon into the 'relationship'. He's irresponsible at the very least and your friend is a fool to consider such a twat as relationship material. She'll end up paying for those kids in one way or another, for sure.
Yes there really is no way he is. There's no way he'd be able to afford to go out for drinks etc if he was. He'd be completely broke. The third woman must have sky high electricity bills with the washing machine/dryer going full time for all the clothes babies and toddlers get through and it's so obvious that the man in question would be the type to tell her to fuck off if she asked for some financial contribution.

Obviously he says mother 3 is just a difficult/ controlling person, but it seems off to me that,( even if she was difficult/ controlling), he'd have time to be meeting people for dates/ new relationships when he'd just split from a 3 year + relationship with mother 3 and she was having his twins

Of course he wouldn't.

his story seems to be the women cheated on/ were horrible to him etc. Says he's not a player and just wants to settle down.

So after his third relationship where he was cheated on or abused he jumps straight onto dating sites again while his twins are still in the womb?

What an optimistic man he must be to believe his true love is out there even after he has suffered so much pain from women, and his THIRD family unit has broken down.....and to be so quick to put himself out there too and not let the pain and trauma keep him from finding Mrs right who will treat him right. So brave!

He's full of shit. Most likely he's a manipulative abuser himself which is why baby momma 3 won't let him see the kids and how he's managed to charm your friend despite the glaringly obvious red flags!

Being friends with the other exes doesn't mean much. I have been great friends with my kids dad at times...for the sake of an easy life, hoping that by pandering to him he'd cop on and be a good dad to the kids and stay off drink and drugs etc......and also because I feel sorry for him a lot because there's a bit of stockholm syndrome there from the manipulation in the relationship.
I became really good friends with one of his girlfriends. She ignored all of the red flags about him, of which there were many!!!