Friend's new boyfriend has 7 kids. Can it work out ?

[chattycaterpillar]

Before anyone asks, I am not the friend. I'm pregnant, nauseous and not up for anything as remotely interesting as sex/ dating. My good friend, ( call her Lauren), is due to a "guideparent," ( having a non religous naming ceremony). Lauren is a lovely, kind girl who deserves the best, but hasn't always had the best of luck with love.

She's recently met a new guy online, ( call him James), three months ago. Her and James are now really close, she's staying most nights at his, she seems really happy with him. I was thrilled...but then she let slip James has seven kids.

James is 34, she is 27.

James as an 11 year old daughter with babymother 1.

James then went on to have a six year old daughter and five year old son with babymother 2.

He then went on to have a three year old daughter, 18 month old son and four month old twins with babymother 3. He says he and babymother 3 split when she was six months pregnant. He has regular contact with the eldest three children, ( my friend has met all three), but says mother 3 hasn't allowed him to see the youngest kids since they plit seven months ago, ( although he says he was allowed tosee the twins in hospital when they were born).

So my initial thoughts re more red flags than a soviet parade....( not seeing the youngest four kids, logging onto ating websites when ex was heavily pregnant with twins....) but my friend, ( who isn't normally like this), is besotted with him. He says he's happy to have kids 8/9 with her, he loves her etc.

To add balance, he seems to get on very well with mother's one and two, who have both been for drinks/ days out with the kids with him and my friend.

My friend is lovely and I want happiness for her. Every instinct is screaming this won't work....you're going to tell me i'm right , aren't you ?

Your friend has had every red flag waved in her face for months with this man. 7 kids in his mid 30's with 3 different baby mamas. His last baby mama had 2 children and got pregnant with twins. They split up when she when a few months pregnant with the twins. He is now spinning that she is a bitch ect and she won't let him see see the kids. My feeling is that he did nothing to help her out and their a major back story also.
Your friend should have ended things once she was aware of all those kids. If she stays with him she will be baby mama number 4. He will be gone out of her life by baby 8 or 9 fifth birthday if not sooner.
He is not earning enough money to support his kids so why has he not got the snip yet?

If your friend wants marriage, a family and to own a home with a partner or husband in the next few years this boyfriend is not that man.

And if she did have kids with him then they would have 7 half-siblings, with 3 different mothers, some of which they might never have a relationship with...and he could go on to have more kids after he splits with your friend

Is Lauren asking you for your opinion, and guidance on this relationship? If not, I would watch from afar, to see what happens next., You can't really intervene with all this. The only thing is, if she has only just recently met him on line,, she will not know much about his character etc, except that he keeps having children with different people., so that's his main occupation.

Realistically
How would it go if if was a woman to a man…-
And she had 7 children with different men…like our Prime Minister…

Different women

He must be an expert lovebomber. Why would your friend fall so quickly? It suggests she doesn't have good knowledge of how to build a strong relationship. She should have ran as soon as he mentioned his past. The fact she didn't is telling.

If he is a good dad how on earth will they have couple time? Where does he live? I guess no opportunity to have a place big enough for children to stay over?

At best he's a man who can't go past the 2 year honeymoon phase. If she thinks she is better or more worthy than the others she is deluding herself (and maybe slightly arrogant). By 30 she could be a single mum, 2 babies struggling financially so exact same as first 2 mums.

Blimey, since they cancelled the Jeremy Kyle Show, I’d almost forgotten people like this lad exist….

SEVEN kids with three different women in the space of only eleven years? That’s quite the achievement.

To be fair to men, their fertility window is much wider than women’s so they can conceive children from puberty pretty much until the day they die in theory so seven kids across a man’s entire lifetime isn’t too bad I guess if they were spread out over several decades but to jam all seven into an eleven year period is just alarming.

My partner (aged 40) and I (aged 34) are expecting our first child and he’s got two kids (aged 18 and 13) from his previous marriage so yes technically he has three children in total but the eldest is literally an adult by the time the youngest is born so it’s not quite the same as having them all primary school age and under. In fact, I’ve known of several chaps who have got married and had kids in their early 20’s then re-married in their late-30’s/early-40’s and had a second set of kids with wife no.2 so it’s not that uncommon but, like I said, it’s quite spread out over decades. Your man James here is just taking the bloody biscuit.

I really feel for your friend, Lauren, as she’s clearly been taken in by his bullshit (he’ll have used the same script with all of his previous partners) and sadly won’t see him for what he is until it’s too late.

From your perspective, there’s not a lot you can do. It’ll be like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

She should run for the hills

She’s met his older kids very quickly hasn’t she.

So many red flags.

All you can do is be there for her when it goes wrong. And remind her about contraception

Christ almighty. I really hope Lauren wakes up. A friend of mine was mother to the first two children of a bloke like this.
He cheated when my friend was pregnant with baby no2, and his baby no3 with OW was conceived probably when my friend was around 7 months pregnant.
By the time baby no1 was seven, this bloke had six children and four exes.
Only one of the now-adult DC had any contact with him the last I heard.
My friend's two DC really struggled in their teens as it dawned on them that they had a posse of siblings who they didn't even know.

He's a sexually incontinent irresponsible dick and she's an idiot to get involved with him. 4 kids in 3 years with woman 3? Despite having 3 prior kids? Unbelievable. Lauren will be pregnant soon no doubt and left in the dust. Gross.

lauren sounds quite inocennt and inexperianced indeed , i must say even reading about the 7 kids all divided up between 3 mothers made my head spin , how charming that hes willing to bestow the honour of being the mother of his 8th and 9th upon her though . its enough to make anyone feel blessed that .

does he live on a really crap run down estate , wear tracksuits and trainers and call women darlin and love when he speaks to them followed up with a cheeky wink ?

sorry but thats the image im getting in my mind reading this post ,

of course its going to be bad for her being in a relationship with him , you dont need to ask . the only thing you can do is try and speak to her and apply some reasoning , but its difficult though as she could take it badly and it could strain your friendship ,but really your hands are a bit tied here , if she wants to carry on with him she will

@Emmelina

Lauren needs to throw this one back in the sea unless she wants to become babymother 4!

Probably too late!

what's the attraction?

A man who takes women, turns them into single parents and then leaves them - over and over.

He has a porly paying job which for most peope, is anti-social hours and drudge work.

What does he have that appeals to her - a magic cock?
Maybe shoe just loves the drama, the danger of this man, or thinks she is special and he will be different with her.

There is nothing you can do when hormones are in control over reasoning. If she can't see the dangers, she will soon find out the hard way like the previous women did.

I’d be more worried that Lauren is on actual crack to 1) believe this man’s lies. 2) be in a relationship with someone like that

Well his story seems to be the women cheated on/ were horrible to him etc. Says he's not a player and just wants to settle down.

Which is all just words. Words are cheap. What's Lauren's hurry? Why so bound up in his life so early on? Is it possible that he's combining time with her (not even dates!) with seeing his kids? I mean, it kind of makes sense, but it's not a great way to get to know someone. She needs to slow right down, if she doesn't want to throw him back. Suggest to her no pregnancies till they've been together three years. But I'm only saying that in the hope that she wakes up and leaves him in the meantime.

No way is he paying enough towards the children he has. You could ask questions about his disposable income, his free time etc. Keep asking "what's that divided by 7?" Or 9... How could anyone consider having children with someone who is already so over scheduled and has so many financial responsibilities?! You know even if the miracle happens and he turns good dad (for one year out of the eighteen, maybe), that even in that very very unlikely scenario, his other kids would be getting a far worse deal from their father.

You are totally right about him - don't let what he says make you doubt yourself. Remember, words are cheap.

If I were her I'd make sure I'm on reliable contraception and would refuse babies for several years.

Sounds like he has a breeding link but dislikes the reality of parenting

What an irresponsible arsehole. So he wouldn’t mind having baby number 8 and 9 with Lauren. Lucky Lauren. Impregnates women and then fucks off. He may see his older children but doesn’t sound like he does much parenting of them and def won’t be paying for them. It seems like a big joke. Still socialising with mum number 1 and 2 and introducing potential mum number 4. Jeez of. Poor children. Lauren needs to give her head a wobble and get shot of this one. Could it work out? Yeah Lauren he sounds dreamy

@WillSmithsRightHook

Realistically How would it go if if was a woman to a man…- And she had 7 children with different men…like our Prime Minister…

She'd be called names like Katie Price, Kerry Katona, Ulrika Johnson, Kate Winslet and Natasha Hamilton.

If Lauren wants a baby or 4 with a man with no morals or money and to raise them with minimum help from him (he'll be busy with the next one), she should go ahead. Some women are more driven to have a baby than worry about the man and only years down the line realise their worth and wish they had waited. It's sad but ultimately it's Lauren's choice.

He "wasn't getting on" with his girlfriend who was 7 months pregnant with twins who already had a baby and a toddler- so he thought he'd try online dating? He sounds like a right catch. Lauren needs her head wobbling, she's bonkers if she believes she can change him.

Why on earth does she think he'll treat her any differently to the other women he's been with?

She has ample evidence of what he will do and she's actually choosing it!

She is either a complete idiot, utterly desperate or arrogant (only I am good enough. I can change him. He won't ever be that way with me. Or maybe deluded is the better word there)

Looking for the positives, it's perhaps a good sign if he has good relations with his first two ex's?

Oh God what a mess. Some men have an impregnation fetish and yy to it being a form of control.

I'd just keep seeing her. And look worried a lot.

I wouldnt be with a man with 2 different mums, let alone 3.