H abandoned me big time during the baby years. No other word for it. He’s a workaholic, I’d moved to another country to be with him so I was completely alone. No friends or family, just my overbearing and bullying in-laws.
I had 3 under 3 (one set twins). It was awful. I barely slept for 5 years, I never had a moment alone, I was bullied by his family, I was basically completely on the edge, then found out he’d been having an affair and I ended up having a nervous breakdown.
At this point, he seemed to realise things were not ok. I had told him repeatedly before this point.
He hired a nanny, confronted his family and ended up cutting ties with all but one of them, and promised to be around more. He said it was an emotional affair only - I don’t believe this, they had texted saying they loved each other and he’d been on multiple work trips with her in the same hotel. I’m not thick. I suppose there’s a chance he’s telling the truth….but not a big one.
This was all 4 years ago. Things are better now - he’s tried very hard to make things right, fully accepted blame for what he put me through, and is kind and attentive.
But I just can’t forgive him. It was all bad but the affair was the proverbial straw. And the whole thing just broke me. I used to be the happiest, most cheerful and positive person you’d meet. Now I’m bitter, miserable, full of resentment and constantly tired.
Had a massive row today because he was complaining about me buying a new bike for one of the kids. I’d bought myself one last month so I can go cycling with them, and at the time he said how nice an idea it was. But since then it’s been constant comments about the cost of the bike. And I just think to myself, after all the fucking shit I went through, and you’re earning £100k a year with no mortgage mainly due to having a fucking drudge at home raising your kids and running all your life admin whilst you gaily built your stupid business up (which I’ve also helped lots with), if I want a nice bike then I’ll fucking have a nice bike.
Instead, I’ve taken a loan out today to pay him back for the bike because I can do without being reminded of the cost of the bike several times a week. He’s predictably said ‘oh no I don’t want your money keep it’ but he’ll bloody have it and much good I hope it does him.
I know I could leave him but we have a nice house here and the kids are happy. He works away most weeks so I muddle along ok. If I leave then we’d be in a much worse house and away from the kids school and friends. It’s never that easy in real life.
But there. Most likely no one will read this but I don’t half feel better for getting it off my chest.