Anyone ready to give up dating with me

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 2022-04-03T19:34:03+00:00

Can't stomach another ghosting, a man who over promises and under delivers, a porn addict, a cheat, a liar, a skinflint , talking to a brick wall, misogynistic ideas , superiority complex, entitlement unreliable and downright disappointing encounter ever again I cannot see any light in this dating game and as I get older I have higher expectations that I just refuse to lower for the sake of being part of a couple I feel a bit down today x

Eesha · 03/04/2022 20:53

I think I'm there with you Op! Possibly my doing but every man I've dated has had signs of depression or severe issues. All have been kind and decent but problems galore. My most recent break-up has hit me hard and I don't know if I'm done with it all now. Everyone seems damaged...

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 03/04/2022 21:07

Stick with it OP.

The longer you play this 'game', the smarter you get at spotting the bummers and ditching them, so you don't waste time .

Don't drop your standards.

I was single for 15 years after my divorce.

I dated misogynists, guys with entitlement issues, anger issues, liars, cheats, bores, porn fans, cheapskates, freeloaders, time-wasters, got stood up more than once, been there, got the t-shirt.

Then I met my 2nd husband quite unexpectedly. - and it can happen for you too !

Savoretti · 03/04/2022 21:10

Yeh I’m stopping looking on apps now. Messed it up with partner recently, went back to look on apps and it’s the same ones who were on 4 years ago…. Sums it up if you ask me. I’m going to up my social life instead and hope for spontaneous meetings if any..

Vapeyvapevape · 03/04/2022 21:10

The day I decided to stay single was the day I felt content and free . I just ran out of emotional energy and realised that I really didn't need a man in my life.

Original poster

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 03/04/2022 21:12

@Eesha

I think I'm there with you Op! Possibly my doing but every man I've dated has had signs of depression or severe issues. All have been kind and decent but problems galore. My most recent break-up has hit me hard and I don't know if I'm done with it all now. Everyone seems damaged...

Same Most recent I've been seeing says he's depressed that's the reason for his disinterest and taking me for granted. I sound a bitch but I don't want to be anyones therapist counsellor or support worker. I want to be someone's priority for a change after so many years of child rearing and caring for others

OP posts:

Shunter350 · 03/04/2022 21:14

I'm a bloke and yup.. I'm fed up with it too.. for different reasons I would imagine.
Sometimes I feel that my age group ( 50 + ) that some potential partners are looking for that "first love" buzz again.
The number of times I've been told I'm a "nice guy", "you're funny".. BUT..
And the number of women who want to climb mountains!
Is everyone scared to admit that they actually prefer a Chinese and a film?
Moan over ...

Shunter350 · 03/04/2022 21:16

@Savoretti

Yeh I’m stopping looking on apps now. Messed it up with partner recently, went back to look on apps and it’s the same ones who were on 4 years ago…. Sums it up if you ask me. I’m going to up my social life instead and hope for spontaneous meetings if any..

I can relate to that but in a shorter time scale.. having a weeks break and / or changing apps yearly will help.

Mermaidwaves · 03/04/2022 21:58

I've just gone back on the apps and I will join you single! The men are entitled and just looking for a cheap thrill. I'm a big woman and describe myself honestly, and the amount of who men who ask me to send them a topless pic, its fucking outrageous!! Why do they think they are entitled to ask me that?? There's free porn all over the internet for them to get their thrills so why insult me like this. These are someone's son, brother with jobs and friends who treat women online like cattle, my opinion of men in general is very poor after OLD.

Shunter350 · 03/04/2022 22:37

@Mermaidwaves

I've just gone back on the apps and I will join you single! The men are entitled and just looking for a cheap thrill. I'm a big woman and describe myself honestly, and the amount of who men who ask me to send them a topless pic, its fucking outrageous!! Why do they think they are entitled to ask me that?? There's free porn all over the internet for them to get their thrills so why insult me like this. These are someone's son, brother with jobs and friends who treat women online like cattle, my opinion of men in general is very poor after OLD.

I'm sorry. Genuinely. Women shouldn't have to put up with that shite. We are all someone's son, daughter, etc. We all deserve so much better.

GooodMythicalMorning · 03/04/2022 22:45

Dumped twice in 9 months, by husband then an old friend I was dating which I thought was going really well but out of the blue got dumped yesterday. I think I'm done. I'm not doing dating sites again. I don't think I have the energy.

Mermaidwaves · 03/04/2022 22:47

@Shunter350

Thank you, my post probably sounded a bit ranty and I'm sure there are good men out there, I've deleted my account tonight and just feel a bit despondent about finding a decent man

A Chinese and a film sounds much better than climbing a mountain

HerRoyalHappiness · 03/04/2022 22:49

I've given up too. No one wants the disabled mentally ill single mother of 3. Understandable really. But hey ho.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 03/04/2022 22:51

Sending solidarity OP. I've just ended a short but eventful fling with a man I met OLD. Shame, as we really hit it off, but were too different for it to work and there were a lot of disagreements. I want to meet someone and have a family but can't face the apps again. I might have a couple of weeks' break then brave it again as I'm unlikely to meet anyone through work or my interests

Glendaruel · 03/04/2022 23:05

I took the decision to stop as was fed up. The date with the ex Catholic priest was a particular low moment. I had a couple years off and lived for me, wrote a book, took swing dance lessons, attempted to learn ukele. Got more confident, moved to new area and thought I would give it ago again. A few odd dates, then went on one who on paper I didn't think much of, but thought my choices hadn't been going so well so let's give someone different ago, one last try to see if internet dating could work. We are now happily married.

Lessons learned: I needed time for me, to not always go for same type and most of time it's down to luck of being on same site at same time.

SucculentChalice · 03/04/2022 23:10

@GooodMythicalMorning

Dumped twice in 9 months, by husband then an old friend I was dating which I thought was going really well but out of the blue got dumped yesterday. I think I'm done. I'm not doing dating sites again. I don't think I have the energy.

What is it about the constant dumping? Before I met DP, I got dumped twice by my boyfriend, all my friends have been dumped, some remain single. All of us are sane, attractive, employed, solvent homeowners. I don't know what men are looking for. I honestly don't.

The men doing the dumpings came from similar backgrounds, many of us met at university or in sports clubs. Fairly ordinary men, not models or particularly wealthy.

The dumping is so devastating that it nearly cost me my job, same with my friends. It made me quite unwell in that I developed an eating disorder. I'm sure previous generations didn't have to deal with this shit.

SucculentChalice · 03/04/2022 23:13

@Shunter350

I'm a bloke and yup.. I'm fed up with it too.. for different reasons I would imagine. Sometimes I feel that my age group ( 50 + ) that some potential partners are looking for that "first love" buzz again. The number of times I've been told I'm a "nice guy", "you're funny".. BUT.. And the number of women who want to climb mountains! Is everyone scared to admit that they actually prefer a Chinese and a film? Moan over ...

Several dates in, a takeaway and a film is fine.

For first or second dates, that means going to the home of someone you barely know, or inviting them to yours.

Those of us who try to eat healthily don't really find takeaways that appealing/sitting in night after night eating takeaways and watching films is pretty dull. Many of us want a partner to do fun things with in company.

As a first date, thats a very cheap low effort date so I'd probably turn down someone who suggested it.

bonfireheart · 03/04/2022 23:14

Me!
Single for 5 years due to bereavement and my own choice. Joined an app, starting talking to a guy, he seemed really nice, we moved from texting to talking on phone. Interesting chat but wouldn't stop talking about his "high powered" job and throwing in names of fancy restaurants, his business class trips abroad, how he only wears designer gear - ALL the time, realised he never asked me any questions but still decided to give him a chance. He said he wanted to meet, so I sent him some dates and he said he was too busy with work and has now disappeared. Which is ironic cos he kept telling me how he hated people ghosting him. I said him a GIF of the ghostbusters and he just sent me a laughing face emoji. Idiot.
Back to my happy, stress free single life :)

Livandme · 03/04/2022 23:15

I only lasted a few weeks. Was enough for me. Unlikely to rejoin as I don't need a project. That said a few friends have got lucky and met partners online but I don't see the point of wasting the little spare time I do have on yet more duffs

Shunter350 · 03/04/2022 23:21

@SucculentChalice sorry you got me wrong! I'm definitely old school when it comes to dating, coffee, bowling, meals, etc.
What I was trying to convey that people try to over impress?
I was chatting to a woman who was a "runner" on her bio.
She said she just liked walking. There does seem to be an inordinate number of people who like the more "edgy" pastimes.
Just my viewpoint as an ordinary ( somewhat normal ) guy.

Lpc3 · 04/04/2022 00:50

Apps are damaging to your mental health - get off them. Ignore the outliers who met their one and only on there and just live your life. You might meet someone organically who is a great match. Sure you might also not meet anyone but you're still better off than going through the trauma of dating apps.

theschitt · 04/04/2022 01:01

I think there is a backlash against dating apps. They are such a lottery and a drain on your time and energy.
Better off just living your life and what will be will be.
I think being in a long term relationships is going to become rarer and rarer in our society and if you're not one of the chosen few then you have to design your own life and make it as great as it can be.

Shunter350 · 04/04/2022 01:18

@Lpc3

Apps are damaging to your mental health - get off them. Ignore the outliers who met their one and only on there and just live your life. You might meet someone organically who is a great match. Sure you might also not meet anyone but you're still better off than going through the trauma of dating apps.

I'm starting to agree.

Shunter350 · 04/04/2022 01:21

@theschitt

I think there is a backlash against dating apps. They are such a lottery and a drain on your time and energy. Better off just living your life and what will be will be. I think being in a long term relationships is going to become rarer and rarer in our society and if you're not one of the chosen few then you have to design your own life and make it as great as it can be.

Yes.. I've certainly changed my perception on OLD over just a couple of months. Many sites see "loneliness" as a cash cow. They take responsibility with regard to those that are genuinely struggling with their MH. They sell this "forever" dream..

Shunter350 · 04/04/2022 01:22

Argh.. that should be "no responsibility etc"..

Daydreamscometrue · 04/04/2022 06:58

I'm with you. Far too many ghosters, sexters, time wasters and just downright selfish individuals. In all of the conversations I've had only a handful have ever really asked me questions to get to know me. I've had the requests for revealing pictures and the unsolicited dick pics.