Anyone ready to give up dating with me

[theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity]

Can't stomach another ghosting, a man who over promises and under delivers, a porn addict, a cheat, a liar, a skinflint , talking to a brick wall, misogynistic ideas ,
superiority complex, entitlement unreliable and downright disappointing encounter ever again
I cannot see any light in this dating game and as I get older I have higher expectations that I just refuse to lower for the sake of being part of a couple
I feel a bit down today x

@badkitty

Have never tried OLD and now divorced have absolutely no interest in starting. I honestly cannot imagine a worse way to spend my free time. I do have a morbid fascination in reading all the threads on it on here though as I just can't understand why people put themselves through it.

@badkitty - I started doing OLD when it originally started and really I should’ve learned my lesson then and stopped!

When every other person and their dog are suggesting OLD to you as opposed to dating in public then that’s what you do!

I know a brother of a school friend of my brother who I briefly dated and he’d done the same as me, internet dated forever but had depression which didn’t help him. He said it’s what everyone does these days, OLD.

Sorry @gonnagetgoing I know that is what everyone says you have to do to meet someone 🙄. Thankfully when I was last single it wasn't a thing. Maybe it was better at the start but these days it sounds hideous.

@badkitty - ah don’t be sorry! The vast majority of my friends bar one have done OLD!

My main gripe these days with dating is that most men (and women) immediately default to OLD and you get so many time wasters out there.

Also when you get to my age (50) there are less fish in the sea! Though someone approached me today in the street (are you ok?!) which was funny as I’d usually be at work!

@badkitty it's shit but it's a necessary evil unfortunately.

@badkitty

Have never tried OLD and now divorced have absolutely no interest in starting. I honestly cannot imagine a worse way to spend my free time. I do have a morbid fascination in reading all the threads on it on here though as I just can't understand why people put themselves through it.

@badkitty

Lots of women, myself included, did OLD when time had started to run out on meeting a suitable partner to have a family with. I've written lots about this subject, and many women do not have the opportunity to meet the volume of men! I'd gone on to become solo mother by choice and had a child using a sperm donor

@anthurium good for you! Far better option than coupling up with someone just for the sake of children.

@badkitty

Have never tried OLD and now divorced have absolutely no interest in starting. I honestly cannot imagine a worse way to spend my free time. I do have a morbid fascination in reading all the threads on it on here though as I just can't understand why people put themselves through it.

I've never tried online dating. Am separated. I gave myself a goal of summer to start OLD but have pushed it back to autumn.

The threads on here, maybe I'm being pessimistic but it seems like the likelihood of finding a nice man, vaguely handsome (shallow?) in his late 30s/40s might be a impossible difficult task

I'm starting to reconsider the whole thing to be honest.

@theschitt

I think there is a backlash against dating apps. They are such a lottery and a drain on your time and energy. Better off just living your life and what will be will be. I think being in a long term relationships is going to become rarer and rarer in our society and if you're not one of the chosen few then you have to design your own life and make it as great as it can be.

I'm with you on this.

Been on a few apps for 2 weeks have now deleted and wont be bothering again. I'm 53, widowed and most if the interest I got was from pensioners, one aged 79.

Have been chatting to someone I quite like the only one and have met for coffee once. Says he likes me etc etc but won't commit to a second meet.....dont understand.

They are damaging to mental health I agree, I feel absolutely shit about myself....

Soul destroying and exhausting

@Lindisfarne1
Which app is it? Can't you set your filters on these apps so you don't receive contact from people outside of your preferred age?
That's very understandable. I don't think there's anything wrong with an age gap, but 26 years is quite a big one and I don't think they should have contacted you.

The thing that has put me off most recently was a person who said that people who wouldn't dare approach them in real life could and would do on the apps. I've thought about using an incognito mode, so I have more control, but it all sounds rather complicated.

@willowbough, you may have to experience it to decide yourself. I was optimistic at the outset as I'm normal, solvent, attractive so surely there must be similar men available??

Reality is men "fish" from a much wider age range so happily think at 50 they are a perfect match for 35+. Women of this age respond to them so perhaps they are right.

It means the pool of "good" men is generally lower once you're in your 40s. I was discerning with swiping but still over a year met quite a few men. Probably 2 good men, one wasn't solvent which was an issue for me and the other lived quite far away. My observations is that men generally don't age well - understandable as women focus on skincare more so instant attraction isn't often there. So you have to see if it will build BUT how long do you give it before deciding it won't happen? I tended to end after 2 or 3 dates.

Perhaps if I met these men in different circumstances attraction would grow more easily so I'll not go back and pursue activities. I've also been put off by 2 men who I know are successful on apps...they are horrible individuals, abusive to women, they always get dumped and are back on Apps immediately with a new woman in 2 weeks.. it's rinse & repeat.

Yes in your 40s etc the available single normal men range gets far less.

I recall doing online dating in my 30s when I was desperate for a relationship (for kids!) one disaster ended with a man saying i should settle with him as time was running out! I got on the tube home feeling down as he wasn’t my type and I didn’t want to be bullied into dating him! Got to end of tube line to get bus home and a tipsy man but nice looking, well dressed etc starts chatting to me, I was still down so not really engaging. Got on my bus but before doors closed I asked him “why are you chatting to me?” Him: “because you’re pretty!” I should’ve got off the bus said let’s find a late night bar but didn’t lol 😂.

Willowbough

I was on Hinch no interest on there at all then tried Bumble mainly old men, then I tried a local one again old men. I set filters but I still seemed to get messages. I mean why woukd they possibly think a 53 year old would be interested in 65 plus..
.maybe they are looking for someone to look after them in their old age. I mean my dad's 79 for gods sake. Went I've another app had messages from some nice men but in different countries....
The one I've been talking to and met once is a bit of a player I think.....wouldn't trust him anyway if it progressed so not good really. I met a nice guy in the pub last weekend but he is 20 years younger than me.......too young

And game playing what's all that about ? I've a very upfront person and woukd prefer to be told they don't want to see me again but they keep you hanging on a bit of string....hedging their bets I expect

Joining in. I have deleted tinder after coming to the realisation that I'm happy on my own. Many letdowns, disappointments and nice but not for me over the years. I don't have any enthusiasm for swiping and carrying the conversation any more. If I ever meet someone at some point in the future it won't be on the apps. If I don't meet someone that's perfectly fine. It's taking a long time to realise that I am in fact quite content on my own.

@"willowbough, you may have to experience it to decide yourself. I was optimistic at the outset as I'm normal, solvent, attractive so surely there must be similar men available??"

That's what I'd like to think, but I'm not surprised the reality is different. I agree about most men ageing badly. I never realised that until recently, though some take better care of themselves than others.

I'd like to think I wouldn't be emotionally involved. I'm not looking to marry again or live with someone, just male company, other than friends, on a semi regular basis. But probability is that I might be upset or offended by some of the behaviour I've read about on Mumsnet., if I encountered that.

I’m probably looking to date again as my current relationship isn’t going that well.

@Lindisfarne1 the gameplaying is ridiculous with OLD. I posted here re someone I was seeing/in touch with and definitely a game player and almost didn’t try to hide it! Why do men do this?!

@Gonnagetgoing

I’m probably looking to date again as my current relationship isn’t going that well.

@Lindisfarne1 the gameplaying is ridiculous with OLD. I posted here re someone I was seeing/in touch with and definitely a game player and almost didn’t try to hide it! Why do men do this?!

Well. I'm pretty decent ( I think ) treat everyone with respect, don't assume anything. I've been ghosted and most recently blocked for being nice..

I meet lots of seemingly normal people in life. Do many of them change their personalty online, or do people who go online feel they can act differently, is it all the men who act that way, some seem to meet a partner naturally, does online raise expectations? Good luck.

I agree there's a bit of a jaded feel to apps now. I used to have that enthusiasm myself but eventually it got ground down by the disappointment. I havent had sex in a year nor expect to again. I'm in my 40s. I don't want to do casual sex.

I find it interesting that my three male friends constantly had dates despite being fairly normal/short/bald/awkward whereas my female friends are all single, rarely get dates/matches and often ghosted. I think nice men are snapped up quickly despite their looks! Whereas i think for a woman, the men all want the looks to be perfect so much harder for a woman.

@Shunter350 I get what you’re saying. I’m a woman in a coastal area and it’s the same here for the men on the apps. They all apparently seem to spend their weekend climbing mountains, swimming marathons, paragliding etc. And are looking for a woman to do these things with them. Whereas some of us just want a nice walk and a cake in a cafe!

I hadn’t realised men came up against the same thing looking at women’s profiles

A narcissit and a drug addict I've attracted in the last 2 years I'm with you

I'm not blowing my own trumpet but I'm OK looking. Not drop dead gorgeous or anything but I look younger than I am..I'm a size 12. Flat stomach. I wear makeup. I have good teeth. I smile alot. I like laughing and I love walking and beaches and dogs. I love food. I've got some nice clothes and I am caring and love cooking for someone I love etc.

The only men who I have attracted in the last 2 years have been
Abusive, on drugs, pot heads. Men that live at home again at 40. Men with 5 kids and see none of them. Men that are grandads at 35 with 4 exes and loads of kids and drink red bull and have a spliff before bed.
men with bald heads pushing 50. I'm 33 I don't want them. Or I get those scruffy geeky looking lads that have circled Facebook for 12 years now remaining ever single and chasing after girls far too pretty.

All I want is an average looking bloke. Not depressed. Got his own house and a tiny bit of money just incase the fridge breaks or something. Someone that's present. Not on drugs. Wants to just do normal things like walk the dog and take the kids to the farm. Maybe have a nice little garden and a weekend away occasionally. Doesn't cheat on me. Can wipe his own backside and occasionally take care of me haha. I'll keep dreaming as these nice guys are already taken or they want someone hot as!