Anyone ready to give up dating with me

[theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity]

Can't stomach another ghosting, a man who over promises and under delivers, a porn addict, a cheat, a liar, a skinflint , talking to a brick wall, misogynistic ideas ,
superiority complex, entitlement unreliable and downright disappointing encounter ever again
I cannot see any light in this dating game and as I get older I have higher expectations that I just refuse to lower for the sake of being part of a couple
I feel a bit down today x

@Mermaidwaves

I've just gone back on the apps and I will join you single! The men are entitled and just looking for a cheap thrill. I'm a big woman and describe myself honestly, and the amount of who men who ask me to send them a topless pic, its fucking outrageous!! Why do they think they are entitled to ask me that?? There's free porn all over the internet for them to get their thrills so why insult me like this. These are someone's son, brother with jobs and friends who treat women online like cattle, my opinion of men in general is very poor after OLD.

I always wonder what I’m doing differently because despite having been on a variety of apps including very sex-focused ones like Feeld I’ve never been asked to do this nor been sent an unsolicited dick pic.

I don’t know what I’m doing differently although I am incredibly fickle and if someone even asks for more photos if I sense it’s because they’re not quite satisfied with what they see I just stop replying.

Completely with you, OP!

I enjoyed the first few months of dating and had a good laugh with the people I met however the most recent dates have been terrible, one I actually walked out of as he was so incredibly rude!

I’ve deleted the apps as it becoming ridiculous!

Here’s to single life long term!

Apps are damaging to your mental health - get off them. Ignore the outliers who met their one and only on there and just live your life. You might meet someone organically who is a great match. Sure you might also not meet anyone but you're still better off than going through the trauma of dating apps

Agree to large extent with LPC. Over 15-20 years I’ve dabbled a little, but can rarely stomach it for long. The only two men I “met” turned out to be creeps. In my age group 40s to 50s the men were mostly either so down in the dumps or else entitled and full of themselves - rarely a happy in between - that I found the whole thing depressing. Chalice’s observation re dumping also interesting. If you lead an isolated life from men for whatever reason OLD may be one of the few ways of meeting a man. But I think it’s a very tricky pastime indeed for anyone with any sensitivity.

The statistics prove dating apps only serve the very top men on there or the women who are just looking for a casual arrangement.

For the vast majority that fall outside these groups OLD is toxic.

I am a nice normal person who met another nice normal person on a dating app. He is lovely, kind and attractive and I'd have picked him first time round (I'm divorced hence the dating app at age 40+). Just telling this to give the other view. It worked for me.

I just can't deal with it anymore. I don't have the emotional energy and I'm not resilient enough to cope with all the letdowns. There might be plenty of fish in the sea but all I ever found was trash!

I'm going to join too. I've been OLD for two decades now. Met two people I had LTR with, one cheated and the last one turned out to be a prick and I stayed with him far too long - wasted my 40's with him. Now I"m old, unattractive, and have health issues and even when I go out and peek to see what "prospects" are out there none of them make me want to start OLD thing again

Chinese and a film any day - bugger climbing a mountain!!

As of last winter (November) I did just that! I’ve done so much internet dating that it was getting demoralising and I got so dejected with it all too. I’m normally quite resilient and optimistic too so this was a big thing for me.

In November I messaged an ex from 11 years ago just to say hi and ask how he was and found out he was single and still interested in me. We’ve been dating since then and on the whole it’s going well.

I’ve noticed recently that I’ve met far more men organically in real life, the most recent was going through the park a man chatted me up by saying his dog liked my boots! And then at a farmer’s market which has a cookie stall a man there got chatting to me whilst we were sampling the cookies. I had to not take interest as I’m dating but I was quite impressed. There’s also one bar that I sometimes go to and not to brag but if I want to pull there then I usually can. I find the “don’t care” attitude works well there.

Places and people not to look for dates, with 3.5 year old nephew (people assume he’s mine!) and a child friendly museum!

@MardyOldGoth

I just can't deal with it anymore. I don't have the emotional energy and I'm not resilient enough to cope with all the letdowns. There might be plenty of fish in the sea but all I ever found was trash!

That made me laugh

Yep hooked many a rusty shopping trolley and old boot

Im fed up with OLD.

Split with ex husband nearly 5 years ago, was seeing someone on and off for 3 years but he didnt want to commit yet ExH found a girlfriend 10months after us splitting up and they had a baby 15 months after us splitting up although I never knew until 2 days before she was due. They told our DD she had eaten all the pies and had a big tummy (4yr old)
The whole time he wanted me back. I find it difficult to let anyone into my life.

@Lpc3

The statistics prove dating apps only serve the very top men on there or the women who are just looking for a casual arrangement.

For the vast majority that fall outside these groups OLD is toxic.

What do you mean by " top men"?

Oh I gave up a long time ago.. Once you do, you find peace and contentment in your simplistic life

@BridgesofMadisonfan .. I suspect those that are still perceived as an Alpha Male.. more reserved guys who don't go white water rafting simply get passed over.
I feel the perception amongst some women is that if a guy isn't an alpha he will be "needy"..
As a youngster it frustrated me that the "nice" girls went off with the bad boys.
I don't think things have changed a we get older. I suppose it's a food chain thing.

@Snoopfroggyfrogg

Sending solidarity OP. I've just ended a short but eventful fling with a man I met OLD. Shame, as we really hit it off, but were too different for it to work and there were a lot of disagreements. I want to meet someone and have a family but can't face the apps again. I might have a couple of weeks' break then brave it again as I'm unlikely to meet anyone through work or my interests

@Snoopfroggyfrogg If you want a family, have you considered doing it alone?

I'm a solo parent by choice and have a sin using a sperm donor. Best decision ever and no regrets. And no longer on the dating apps trying to find a suitable partner to have a family with. OLD when you're desperate for a family for me was the most anxiety ridden experience of my life. I'm glad I no longer need to waste time on it it was genuinely soul destroying

I’ve been very happily single for 7 years, thought I’d give OLD a go (mid 50s) see what happens. Oh god!!!! Horrendous. As another poster has said, my spare time is precious and I don’t want to spend it talking to entitled, misogynistic cavemen. Or get ghosted. Or fending off men much younger who just want a shag or men mid 70s who think being a creepy letch is attractive. I am just looking for a kind guy with a nice smile, to let a slow burn develop. I give up!

dating does not equate online dating though. I agree apps are toxic, but you can always meet people IRL and go from there, no?

@Frogium I guess OP is saying its so hard to meet in real life but the apps are a necessary evil. I'm a single parent working from home so I only see humans on the school run!

I have the time to date as can get regular childcare but meet men with issues who seem happy just to stay home and stress about everything and anything whereas I have small children and a full time job and still have time to date!

Rant over.

I think there is a backlash against dating apps. They are such a lottery and a drain on your time and energy.
Better off just living your life and what will be will be.
I think being in a long term relationships is going to become rarer and rarer in our society and if you're not one of the chosen few then you have to design your own life and make it as great as it can be.

^I think what Schitt says has a ring of truth, though I'm not quite sure why. Maybe its worse for sensitive types.

But yes, I'm planning and enjoying my own life at the moment without a man in the picture and it feels pretty good mostly, though occasionally I have a little pang! At my age 50s, interesting and personable, OK-looking men on OLD are very rare it seems.

[quote Shunter350]@BridgesofMadisonfan .. I suspect those that are still perceived as an Alpha Male.. more reserved guys who don't go white water rafting simply get passed over.
I feel the perception amongst some women is that if a guy isn't an alpha he will be "needy"..
As a youngster it frustrated me that the "nice" girls went off with the bad boys.
I don't think things have changed a we get older. I suppose it's a food chain thing. [/quote]
@Shunter350 @BridgesofMadisonfan

I don’t think that if a man is an alpha male he’s needy. But one man I was speaking to OLD and then texting, he wasn’t an alpha male but was a bit needy/geeky/nerdy. Because I liked him at first I overlooked this as he seemed lovely but then the geekiness/neediness emerged more, he also mentioned something he’d done with his ex (asked her to marry him in public on a tube train after being at a musical) and I could see why he was single and called it off. Found him a few weeks later back on the site with a message urging women to be honest, not mess men (him) around, he’s a nice normal guy etc. Yeah ok if you say so!

@Eesha respectfully I disagree. If people have time to go on a date with a new person once a week say, they have time to dedicate that once a week time to an activity that enhances their life.

But we don't do this.

Because dating apps are designed to give the impresseion that the perfect match is a swipe away, so like gamblers with a slot machine we keep swiping and going on dates hoping that the next person would be the right one, and that "plenty of fish" mentality makes us picky ("no chemistry", "he is into outdoors activities", "she used a snapchat filter" etc), and even if there is a promising match, someone usually is on the lookout for a better opportunity, hence low effort dates like netflix and chill. Because even if you are perfect for someone, what if there is a perfect-er match out there, so they make 20% effort and keep an eye out. And so we stay on the apps for years. And there is always that urban legend of friend of friend's cousin getting married to their tinder match next week.

Anyway my point was just this: yes apps don't work, but no need to close oneself to dating/relationship altogether and give up.

tbh, I think Shunter's assertion that men have to portray themselves as Alpha Males or will be seen as "needy" - is ridiculous. Maybe some women like Action Men, but they are not the majority. The Bad boy thing, well thats a whole essay, but I don't think relevant here either.

Frogium I don't think I'm that picky, I really don't, and I don't have the sweetshop mentality ... but maybe I would be interested in a man who is vaguely attractive, has some interests, not bolshy though. To dream the impossible dream?

Have never tried OLD and now divorced have absolutely no interest in starting. I honestly cannot imagine a worse way to spend my free time. I do have a morbid fascination in reading all the threads on it on here though as I just can't understand why people put themselves through it.