I've left after my husband assaulted a child - reeling and need help!

[Help19376]

Hi everyone. Been reading some threads here and hoping for some advice. I know I've done the right thing really, but the gaslighting is strong and I'm just finding it really tough.

Short version of the story is, husband and I have been on the rocks for a while (truthfully since our child was born 6 years ago). We haven't had sex at all, he hasn't a job or any friends and does very little in the house. Has a pattern of never taking responsibility for any of these things and getting very angry when asked to.

Last week he physically assaulted a kid from our child's school in the play park and gor into a verbal altercation with the kids mum (sustained shouting and screaming in her face, pointing his finger in her face etc). I intervened, got him away from her and let her know inwould support whatever action she wanted to take going forward. There were several other kids present including ours, 2 of whom were in our child's class.

I left that night and stayed with a friend. I returned to our home the next day to tell him we were done and he needed to leave. He:

• told me I was too crazy to be trusted with our child and if I was going to split uo the family he would need 100% custody to protect them from me

• said he would take our child to his home country

• said he had spent years dealing with my anger and it was rich for me to leave after 1 event

• changed tack and said would I reconsider if he admitted himself to psych hospital.

• said he was suicidal and shouldn't be alone

I got him a cab to a and e for psych assessment and predictably they didnt admit him. Since then he has not left the house.

The school are aware after i told them everything and are very supportive. My child and I are with my family 200 miles away. Women's aid said my response is proportionate and legally I will be in no trouble; after i told them what he did and also some details about the relationship they said it was abusive and I can therefore also call on Monday morning and seek a refuge place.

I am reeling with having to face that this was an abusive relationship. He is doubling down on centring himself, saying I don't care about his feelings and am punishing him. I'm terrified of having nowhere to go and of the impact on our child.

Sorry if this is garbled, am sleep deprived and anxious. Any help gratefully received!

Help19376 ignore the silly troll post from the random collection of letters above.

I have no specific advice but I'm glad you're safe with your family. Keep talking to women's aid and get the divorce wheels in motion when you can face it. You might want to talk to women's aid or a lawyer about making sure he can't take your child out of the country without your permission - is your child's passport still in the house with him?

Goid luck

You absolutely did the right thing OP. Well done and stay strong x

Dear OP - well done for being brave and doing the right thing. I hope you get all the help you need to start your new life. Do not listen to a word he says.

xgze you're completely out of order.

Reported the troll, who should just fuck right off. Op you did absolutely the right thing and I hope that you’re getting the support you need in rl.

Also reported. Hope that's not him.

Can you afford to see a solicitor?

You definitely need to get away from him.

Were the police involved?

Good luck

@JulesRimetStillGleaming

Also reported. Hope that's not him.

It's not. They've said other ridiculous things on other threads. I've reported.

Thanks everyone for reporting - think yer man got lost on the way to 4chan there.

It's so helpful to just be reassured I'm doing the right thing, thank you. I read back my post and I know I'd this was a friend saying these things, I'd bundle them into my car and get them straight out of the situation. But somehow I still feel guilty / obligated to him. And I want the best for our child obviously, and feel horrible about them being apart (even though I know their contact will need to be carefully managed moving forwrd).

I have our child's passport and birth cert so safe for now. He's insisting he never made the threat to take them out of the country and I must have misunderstood him, but I know exactly what I heard and so do the school.

@Nanny0gg I could find the money if I need to. Which I'm realising I probably will - it's all coming in waves atm.

The other mum has not pressed charges, but there were several witnesses to what he did. The poor boy was shouting 'you're choking me'.

Really glad you have the passport and birth cert safe. The country to which he has threatened to abduct your child: is it a signatory to the Hague Convention? If not, be even more careful.

Have his actions been reported to social services? This incident needs logging officially, especially if he is likely to cause issues re: custody. Do not give him unsupervised access to your child. If he can assault an unrelated child in public, goodness knows what he would do behind closed doors.

Glad you have the passport and birth certificate. If you think there's a risk he'll try to take your child out of the country you can still have all port authorities alerted (they have lots of children listed as at risk of parental/known adult abduction who bring up automated alerts). It has to be done through the court but is fairly straightforward- women's aid will be familiar with what to do and able to advise.

Hi I’ve hidden the troll posts and will be hiding others that include troll quotes
Hope you’re ok, OP

Wowzers...you're so strong! You've done amazingly to get out so quickly. You can do this!

I hadn't thought to report it myself. I'll definitely look into that - thank you.

I know logically that of he can do this, he can definitely hurt our child. But I think I'm reeling because although I've seen this side of him before in hindsight, it has never been this pronounced and he had never touched our child. He's telling me that the mental health crisis team told him that a) he's not a threat to either of us and b) I need to seek help because my reaction is overblown. I am aware this could just be lies, but it's living rent free in my head and making me doubt myself

I'll definitely raise the flight risk with WA again too. His home country is a signatory to the Hague Convention so there's that at least.

He assaulted a child. Of course he is a risk to your child. I would be a lot more comfortable if his assault on a child were reported to the police.

Please report him.
This is important so that he won't see his children unsupervised in the future.

I would report it. If he's going to cause problems over custody, you definitely need it on record.