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Relationships

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Original poster

H had a fling with a mentally unstable woman.....

152 replies

gerryperry · 02/04/2022 11:22

We separated for 6'months. In this time he had a fling with a woman who turns out is very mentally unstable.
I knew about it. He hasn't cheated.

Over the past 6/8 weeks, we've decided to give our marriage another go. Again, I was aware of the fling with the woman. I knew it was already over between them both. The fling lasted about 3/4 weeks in total.

H ended the relationship with her and granted she was upset. He ended up having to block her as he was getting vile messages. This is before we got back together.

Anyway everything was fine, we were taking things slowly, the odd date night every now and then etc etc.

One morning I got a random Facebook message off OW saying I need to know 'the truth' about their relationship. This was sent at 3 am in the morning. It upset me, I won't lie but I ignored the message. I then decided to block her completely and went back onto the message only to find she had unsent the message. The next minute she had deleted her account completely. I tried to block her myself but I couldn't as she had just vanished.

I met up with friends a few days later and told them what happened. It turns out one of my friends knows the OW and she has bipolar. She started reeling off things that she had done to other men in the last, trying to ruin relationships etc. Shes even cried rape before
(So sorry if that upsets anyone xx) and almost got a friend of hers husband sent to prison but dropped charges at the last minute. It was all lies.

This woman is very mentally unstable. Apparently she's ok strong medication and shouldn't drink alcohol. It makes total sense as every message I've received off her is around 2/3am in the morning:

Anyway the other day I woke to a few more messages off her. She's back. This is what's upset me.

In the message, she says that she was sleeping with my husband much earlier than I thought. It was still during a time where we had separated but it was a time we were both trying to fight for our marriage. H was desperate for us not to separate. It was the week before Xmas they slept together for the first time according to her. I spent Xmas with H. I bought him gifts, we had a normal Xmas. I would be devastated if this were true.

She also said some other things that I can imagine to be true.

I blocked her immediately. Rang H who was obviously very angry and denied that he slept with her before Xmas.

I've had a crappy couple of days. H then starts to recieve messages off her from a different number.

If I get anymore messages off her then I will reply asking her to leave me alone. If she doesn't, I know I can then go to the police for harassment. I really don't want to do this but she's making me very uncomfortable. H seems to think she would be the type to start a new fb account just to contact me so I've come off social media.

I'm mad at H. He could of picked a better woman to have a fling with! Saying that, from the sounds, she had feelings for him and he dumped her.

I've also now got the whole thing of wether he slept with her before Xmas. I'll never find out the truth. It's him against her. The only thing I've got to go in his favour is she is well known to cause trouble and it's blatantly obvious anyway from her behaviour in the messages she's sent me.

Advice? Eurgh...not enjoying this x

OP posts:

Chikapu · 02/04/2022 13:28

How do you know she was ''open and honest about her mental health'' before or during their relationship?

Because the OP states several times that she was.

AskingforaBaskin · 02/04/2022 13:28

@BadNomad so nobody should enter into a relationship with someone with BD?

daisychain01 · 02/04/2022 13:28

Always such a coincidence that it's always the OW who's the psycho, the one with MH problems. Nice easy scapegoat there.

AskingforaBaskin · 02/04/2022 13:29

@daisychain01

Always such a coincidence that it's always the OW who's the psycho, the one with MH problems. Nice easy scapegoat there.

Except that is proven and accepted by the woman in question herself.

BadNomad · 02/04/2022 13:30

[quote AskingforaBaskin]@BadNomad so nobody should enter into a relationship with someone with BD? [/quote]
Of course you can. That's not what the OP's DH was doing though. He was just using her for sex because he was annoyed the OP had a new man.

starskey80 · 02/04/2022 13:31

So by that logic people with mental health issues are a no go for anyone!?!

She could have told him she was doing well on her meds, by ops account, the crazy messages started After he refused to see her.
Againg, flip the sex and the responses would be different.

He is not responsible for her mental health, she is.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 02/04/2022 13:31

@Honor9to5

I'd just find it a turn off that he had a connection with a woman this damaged. What is he looking for out of a connection. Does vulnerability attract him, do it for him..?

You decided to give your marriage another go, but is he a good person? Self-aware? emotionally intelligent? What kind of person ends up in a relationship with a partner with this much dysfunction? So much dysfunction that she's on medication. Who is drawn to that?

An emotionally stable person with a healthy sense of them self? or somebody who is themself emotionally immature.

I agree with you. I don't care if people call me judgemental. I wouldn't get involved with anyone with these sorts of issues.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 02/04/2022 13:31

This doesn't sound like 'bi-polar' to me:

' he told her one night he didn't want to see her. She couldn't handle that and that's when her bipolar came out.'

Manic episodes - depression etc. are not caused by upsetting events.

Bananarama21 · 02/04/2022 13:33

Your dh can't have been that heartbroken if he jumped into bed with another woman and had a short relationship, it sounds like she also vulnerable and he used her until you were ready to give it another go.

starskey80 · 02/04/2022 13:33

Oh ffs, I'm sure she wasnt acting deranged when he first met her, that most likely came after he rejected her. As op said.

Why is he responsible for this, she should be on her meds, not drinking and engaging with the help provided. Not harassing a man she briefly dated's wife.

BadNomad · 02/04/2022 13:34

So by that logic people with mental health issues are a no go for anyone!?!

People are free to use whoever they want. But just don't whine about the consequences after.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 02/04/2022 13:34

She does sound to be angry - jealous - and clever about what will upset each of you. I'd be concerned about the stalker side of things too.

AskingforaBaskin · 02/04/2022 13:35

@BadNomad has she stated that? They were broken up and he had a rebound. Nothing wrong with that. It's not his responsibility to request her current medical and physiological assessments

If she is putting herself out there for dating I medicated then she carried the burden of responsibility. Hopefully someone steps in to ensure she is a safe member of society soon for everyone's sake.

starskey80 · 02/04/2022 13:37

Badhomad how did he use her????

He dated her for three weeks, decided nit for him, as is his right, that's not using. That's two consenting adults.
She's now harassing him. Your victim blaming him!!

BadNomad · 02/04/2022 13:37

Tbh she sounds more like she has BPD rather than BP. A lot of people don't realise there is a difference. BPD tends to be triggered by rejection.

BadNomad · 02/04/2022 13:38

[quote AskingforaBaskin]@BadNomad has she stated that? They were broken up and he had a rebound. Nothing wrong with that. It's not his responsibility to request her current medical and physiological assessments

starskey80 · 02/04/2022 13:40

The lack of sympathy for the man being harassed by someone he briefly dated is actually staggering.

AskingforaBaskin · 02/04/2022 13:40

@BadNomad and again you should thibk any person who opens up about their bipolar should be immediately avoided?

IheartJKRowling · 02/04/2022 13:41

So according to your DH and his friends this woman is well known for having mental health issues and is so mentally unwell she can't keep track of time and doesn't know what is real, she is in fact delusional but is conversely well enough to try and manipulate your husband and destroy his marriage? There is no way in hell I would be in a relationship with a man who treated a mentally ill woman as a sex toy and then disposed of when you said you would take him back. His and your friends are vile too, discussing a mentally ill woman and possible assaults as though it's a soap opera.

AskingforaBaskin · 02/04/2022 13:41

@starskey80

The lack of sympathy for the man being harassed by someone he briefly dated is actually staggering.

Man bad. Man at fault.

Criminal woman victim.

Angrymum22 · 02/04/2022 13:43

I suggest that neither you nor your H reply to any messages from now on. Screen shot them by all means but do not fuel the fire.
It may be worth investing in some discrete cctv to make sure she is not physically stalking either of you and maybe get someone you know to keep an eye on her social media activity.
It can be hard work ignoring her but it’s the only way to get the message across.
DH & I were subjected to low level stalking/harassment when we were first together, from his previous girlfriend ( who had cheated on Hume with a friend of his then gone on to marry the friend). We had ten years of weird phone calls, odd congratulatory cards and Christmas cards, she even organised a visit from the bailiffs, neither DH nor I owed any money.
It did eventually stop, but not without the loss of a number of close friends who I believe she was regaling all sorts of tales to.
Anyway it’s past history. But it was so unnecessary. She is a popular well liked women but obviously has a well hidden problem. I’m so glad it all happened pre internet I don’t know what mischief she would have got up to with social media had it been a thing at the time or smartphone technology. It would have been handy to have cctv at work though when my car was deliberately covered in paint stripper.

Nothappyatwork · 02/04/2022 13:44

@Cyw2018

So your husband used a vulnerable mentally ill women to fill the sex gap whilst you were separated for a matter of months.

Nice guy you've got there.

My thoughts exactly…. My friend has bio polar and is damn good at his job but the moment anything goes wrong despite it being utterly unrelated it isof course due to his bio polar in everyone elses opinion. I’m not saying she’s hundred percent truthful but I wouldn’t automatically discount her as being 100% a liar either and your husband has exactly covered himself in glory here.

starskey80 · 02/04/2022 13:47

Yep, obviously he's the villain in this, what with having a penis.

BadNomad · 02/04/2022 13:49

[quote AskingforaBaskin]@BadNomad and again you should thibk any person who opens up about their bipolar should be immediately avoided? [/quote]
No? I didn't say that at all. I just expect it to be taken into consideration before you decide how to treat someone.

Nothappyatwork · 02/04/2022 13:49

@starskey80

Yep, obviously he's the villain in this, what with having a penis.

It’s not really the actions of somebody who is heartbroken and wants to get back with his wife so is it to be honest.

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