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Original poster

Is this weird - fiancé and colleague

149 replies

jjanice842 · 29/03/2022 21:59

My fiancé is going to his mum’s new holiday home this weekend to do some stuff like cleaning, organising, gardening etc. I’m out with friends and not going. He said he has asked his (female) colleague to go with him for the day. I’ve met her briefly before (she was really nice) she is single and very attractive. I know they are good friends and occasionally meet at lunchtimes during the week (we live not far from each other). I’ve never suspected a thing but the thought of them spending a day together a few hours away feels a bit odd. Should I be worried?

OP posts:
ItsLisaLou · 30/03/2022 11:24

I hate to say it OP but yeah, doesn’t sit right with me either. Feels like one of those situations they’ll both be telling themselves they’re going into innocently, but once they’re together and the house is empty, I’m thinking the vibe will shift…

housemaus · 30/03/2022 11:32

Apparently I'm the only one who thinks so but in case you want a range of views, this wouldn't bother me at all.

If it does, it's because you don't trust your fiance.

Otherwise it wouldn't matter if she were Gal Gadot - you'd trust that even if he couldn't fail to notice that she was gorgeous, that he wouldn't act on it and had no intentions other than being a friend.

housemaus · 30/03/2022 11:34

Also I don't see what the distance from home or the duration has to do with it. If they were going to fuck they could just as easily do so in your house when you weren't there, or in a few minutes in a cupboard at work.

So them being together for a day, or a few hours away doesn't actually make it more significant.

Suzi888 · 30/03/2022 11:52

I think it’s odd that she would want to go and spend her day off cleaning someone else’s house. Hmm Doesn’t she have enough to do. Odd he should ask/expect this too.

I wouldn’t like it OP. I’d go too Grin. I don’t know how long you’ve been with him, but think you need to have a hard think about whether you trust him.

RantyAunty · 30/03/2022 11:54

It's never 55 year old Jane from accounting who has much more experience in gardening and organising, is it?

KirstenBlest · 30/03/2022 12:02

Yes, it's weird

5128gap · 30/03/2022 12:07

[quote Catapultaway]@5128gap I'm curious, do you fancy all your attractive male friends, or do you only have unattractive friends when in a relationship.[/quote]
I don't consider any of my male friends to be attractive. Whether or not other people would, I can't say, but I'm quite fussy and fancy very few of the men I meet, so it's not been an issue. Theoretically though, if I were single, liked a man enough to want to be his close friend, and he was attractive, then I'd be dating him, as what more could I want than that? If I were in a relationship I valued, then I'd not allow a close friendship to develop with someone i was attracted to, as who needs that complication?

SunflowerTed · 30/03/2022 12:14

@thenewduchessoflapland

If he's going to cheat on you with her or break things off with you go pursue her it'll happen if they go to this house for a day alone together or not.

I see it time and time again on here;the OW is nearly always a colleague or someone they've met via work.

This
SunflowerTed · 30/03/2022 12:16

@Marvellousmadness

Affair! definitely.

Hidden in plain sight.

Yep
JudgeRindersMinder · 30/03/2022 12:22

@JungleJimbo

I'm pretty chilled as they go and I wouldn't be happy about this

Completely agree men and women can be friends- but there has to be some boundaries

I feel exactly the same. I don’t feel any woman friend of dh’s is a ‘threat’ to me, but I find this a bit weird
justandfair · 30/03/2022 12:29

Very odd no doubt.

shssandhr · 30/03/2022 12:36

This seems off.
It's not a quick lunchtime walk in the park with a colleague, it's a whole day driving somewhere and then cleaning and gardening. Supposedly.
It's overstepping a boundary really.

Just a thought which no one else has mentioned yet, do you think he's taking her as an "up yours" statement because you were not able to help this weekend due to going out with friends? Is it a bit passive aggressive, if you won't help be I can EASILY find someone else who will?

Mermaidwaves · 30/03/2022 12:43

From my observations this is how affairs start, especially with work colleagues and initially they convince everyone and perhaps themselves that it's all innocent. They will find any excuse to spend time together under the guise of friendship, all the time they are bonding more with each other, but hey it's ok because it's all out in the open!

I'm going to say that being a cool wife and too trusting is a bit of a mugs game. How often do you see this situation here and it turns out to be the start of something. Why on earth would this woman choose to give up her day off she could spend with friends or family to clean and garden some blokes holiday home? Hmm unless there was some desire to spend time together alone even if there's no shagging? It's a chance to get closer and be in each others company. Likewise the staying out together at night after everyone has gone home.

Come on OP you know somethings off, you have to have it out with him. Alternatively show up unexpectedly at the holiday home and watch their faces fall, this will tell you everything.

Bookworm20 · 30/03/2022 12:49

Do you have another car?

It’s worth thinking about turning up just after lunch and seeing their reaction. Also seeing if they are busy cleaning and gardening. Or in fact how much cleaning and gardening appears to have been done.

Chickychickydodah · 30/03/2022 12:53

It’s a nope from me. They don’t need a overnight stay to do anything 👀

KirstenBlest · 30/03/2022 12:58

@RantyAunty

It's never 55 year old Jane from accounting who has much more experience in gardening and organising, is it?
Ageist and sexist.
Bookworm20 · 30/03/2022 13:01

@KirstenBlest

but sadly true.

Daisydoesnt · 30/03/2022 13:03

Oh dear OP this isn't good at all. They're either about to fall in love (or they are already), or maybe it will just be a fling. In either case, this is really stepping over the mark. A young single woman hasn't got anything better to do with her precious weekend than help to help a male, engaged colleague with cleaning and sorting a holiday home. Eh? She's got her eye on him and it's very much mutual.

THisbackwithavengeance · 30/03/2022 13:05

You missed the point Kirsten.

These female work "friends" that we hear about on MN are never the married, older and hence less attractive women. These men manage only to befriend the younger, attractive, single ones.

Funny that.

My DH has lots of female friends and I am generally laidback about this kind of thing but even I would find this disrespectful.

RebeccaCloud9 · 30/03/2022 13:05

Sounds like a lovely date they're about to go on.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 30/03/2022 13:10

It doesn't feel right to me OP.
One or both of them has the hots for the other (I believe). They think that having their arrangements out in the open, you knowing about it etc, makes it all ok. They might even have convinced themselves that it's all above-board.

KirstenBlest · 30/03/2022 13:11

A male friend told me that a man would not be spending time alone with a woman unless he fancied her. I tend to believe him

girlmom21 · 30/03/2022 13:11

@KirstenBlest

A male friend told me that a man would not be spending time alone with a woman unless he fancied her. I tend to believe him
Do you spend time alone with him?
Fupoffyagrasshole · 30/03/2022 13:16

So you can never make a new friend again once you have a partner ?seriusly?

I met a guy at work about 4 years ago and we became very close friends and do loads of stuff together

I call round his house when I’m passing we go on nights out together, giga and stuff

I don’t see it as different to making a female friend at work

A lot of very insecure people on here 😂

We have a baby now so my husband and I can’t always get out together and to stuff as one of us needs to look after baby so I go out with my friends to stuff instead

KirstenBlest · 30/03/2022 13:27

@girlmom21, Not any more, as we didn't want the same from the friendship. He's nice and good company but I didn't fancy him

I have befriended colleagues. If the colleague is married then one needs to be aware that no lines are crossed, If both friends are single, then as long as there's no stringing along and that if anything happens and you fall out, you will lose a friend