This could be long so apologies in advance!
I’m 35 weeks pregnant with mine and DP’s first child and in the last few weeks have begun to feel even more protective of my baby, and thinking about how I am going to ensure she’s kept safe when she is born - ensuring nobody kisses her, kept away from smoking etc. All sensible things.
I’ve also been concerned about my ILs (particularly MIL) and setting boundaries. MIL made it clear she wanted a boy as she has 4 granddaughters already (only 2 biological) and was disappointed when she found out we were having a little girl but I just ignored that, and have ignored the subsequent anecdotal evidence of scans being wrong. She has also said that she wants to know as soon as I’m going into labour so she can come down, and has gone on about wanting to bond with the baby and see her within a few days. I just feel suffocated. She has criticised things I’ve bought for the baby (sensory stuff she doesn’t understand, and the monitor because it was too expensive), whilst buying her things that are totally inappropriate.
Anyway, this is all trivial compared to what happened a couple of weeks ago. ILs booked to take DP and I away for the weekend for DP’s 40th birthday, all very nice. However in the days leading up to the weekend they were looking after their 11yo granddaughter while her parents were away for a few days, and in that time she tested positive for covid. They didn’t isolate from her even though her mum told them to (not easy I know), and then came to us without testing. I didn’t ask them to test but did a test myself in private before we went, I’m kicking myself for not asking them to test and I know that was wrong, but they were in our house then (they lied and said that they only found out their granddaughter had covid when they were on their way to our house) and I wanted to make an effort, knowing that my dislike for them was probably a bit irrational.
Anyway we all started feeling unwell and tested positive on the Sunday, them in the morning and DP & I in the evening. They are vaccinated but they are also covid deniers now and fed up with the rules so they didn’t isolate and still went out for a pub lunch afterwards whilst DP and I isolated from them. I was so cross, I didn’t need covid at 34 weeks pregnant, was worried about the baby and just so angry at their ignorance and lack of consideration. The following day when we were due to go home I just didn’t speak to MIL and when she said she didn’t think and started crying, I just told her I didn’t want to hear it. I’ve been thinking about keeping my baby safe for 7 months and she was just careless. I was pretty unwell for 10 days, luckily baby seems unaffected. My mum also caught it from them as we went out for dinner the night they came to us, she was pretty unwell too.
Since then I’ve not spoken to ILs and made it clear to DP I need time and that I am not happy with them. I have enough on my plate without worrying about what they think, I’m just sad for DP that he’s having to manage both relationships, which he’s accepted. Essentially I don’t want them with my baby unless they’re supervised and I don’t want them coming as soon as she’s born. I can’t trust them, and I don’t want her to get needlessly hurt and for MIL to say “I didn’t think” and expect me to be fine with it. I know accidents happen but she is careless and to put it bluntly, pretty thick.
But have I taken this too far and should I back down a bit, to help DP? I would happily never see them again, they don’t add anything positive to my life, but then I think it is cruel to not let them see the baby. My parents are going to be pretty involved and I don’t want DP to resent that either, even though he has a good relationship with them. I just need some advice with navigating this.
Thanks in advance x