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Original poster

Am I in the wrong or is he being pathetic?

111 replies

IdiotIntrusion · 26/03/2022 12:51

Brand new job. Been here a few weeks. Went away for business for two days/one night to visit one of the other offices and whilst I was there, swapped my laptop bag with manager's.

Get home, start getting questioned on why I smell 'like another man' and that I can't even be trusted to go away once. I stated it was the new bag - pointed to the evidently different bag to what I left the house with - and asked if he was joking. Yes, the bag does smell strongly of manager's aftershave but there was no 'man scent' on me or my clothes.

Then he starts questioning what 'that smell is'. Saying it smells like 'human sweat'. So essentially saying I also smell like sex. Keep in mind it's bloody roasting outside and I'd been sat in a car for 3.5 hours so clearly wasn't going to be in the freshest condition.

When I ask why he doesn't trust me he states he does but his ex cheated on him. I have no time for that excuse as I found out my ex husband had several secret families (incl. children) whilst we were married so it's a pathetic excuse to use.

It's now been two days and he won't talk to me. All this because I swapped a laptop bag with my manager. I understand him asking what 'that that other man smell is' but this is just getting ridiculous. I'm going to be expected to go away for business frequently with this new role and I feel like I'm going to have this every time I go away or I'm just going to have to end the relationship.

Is it actually me that's in the wrong here for going away for business for two days or is he being an absolute pathetic man child?

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/03/2022 12:52

He's being controlling and abusive. Is this the first time?

Daffodilis · 26/03/2022 12:54

He is being an utter dick, awful way to treat you. Does he have form for being abusive?

Mummytobe93 · 26/03/2022 12:54

@IdiotIntrusion

Brand new job. Been here a few weeks. Went away for business for two days/one night to visit one of the other offices and whilst I was there, swapped my laptop bag with manager's.

Get home, start getting questioned on why I smell 'like another man' and that I can't even be trusted to go away once. I stated it was the new bag - pointed to the evidently different bag to what I left the house with - and asked if he was joking. Yes, the bag does smell strongly of manager's aftershave but there was no 'man scent' on me or my clothes.

Then he starts questioning what 'that smell is'. Saying it smells like 'human sweat'. So essentially saying I also smell like sex. Keep in mind it's bloody roasting outside and I'd been sat in a car for 3.5 hours so clearly wasn't going to be in the freshest condition.

When I ask why he doesn't trust me he states he does but his ex cheated on him. I have no time for that excuse as I found out my ex husband had several secret families (incl. children) whilst we were married so it's a pathetic excuse to use.

It's now been two days and he won't talk to me. All this because I swapped a laptop bag with my manager. I understand him asking what 'that that other man smell is' but this is just getting ridiculous. I'm going to be expected to go away for business frequently with this new role and I feel like I'm going to have this every time I go away or I'm just going to have to end the relationship.

Is it actually me that's in the wrong here for going away for business for two days or is he being an absolute pathetic man child?

He’s certainly pathetic

It reminds me of my uncle who accused my auntie of cheating based on finding a hamburger wrapper in her car (she’s vegetarian)… 😪

Twizbe · 26/03/2022 12:55

Oh my god, get rid now. This is only going to get worse.

SamphiretheStickerist · 26/03/2022 12:55

Ye gods!

How long have you been with him? That sounds exhausting. I can't imagine ever finding him sexually attractive again.

Sorry, but it does sound as though you have picked a sad man-child. Could stem from jealousy of your new job or just general insecurity. Either way, he's being a twat!

TibetanTerrah · 26/03/2022 13:01

Controlling, insecure, and yes, pathetic. How attractive.

I especially love how he's not talking to YOU when he's the one who created the whole argument out of his imagination and paranoia. Please just end this. If you let him get away with this behaviour, he will do it again and again, and it will escalate over time.

Pretty soon you'll find it'll be easier to never go anywhere or see anyone as you can't be arsed with the fall out and silent treatment.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 26/03/2022 13:03

I hope you are currently planning to Ltb op.
What a twat.

Watchkeys · 26/03/2022 13:05

You already know the answer, the question really is why you're not listening to what you know, deep down. What is it that stops you listening to that knowledge?

It's good to look into this because it'll stop you staying in all situations in your life that make you unhappy, as well as this one. Recognising and responding to that inner voice is self respect, and that's what you're lacking here. You're not respecting your own boundaries, and so you're accepting someone else not respecting them either.

dontdoubtyourself · 26/03/2022 13:12

I'd be wondering what HE got up to while you were away.

Original poster
IdiotIntrusion · 26/03/2022 13:14

I think it's the worry of leaving him that's keeping me here. It's not always bad, in the grand scheme of things he's an amazing human but when it comes to things like this it's unbearable.

Agree over the whole 'not going anywhere or seeing anyone' because it's easier. Kind of already at that stage.

I was so excited to land this job and I feel like he's just completely ruined it.

I'm now returning back to the other office on Wednesday to return the bag because it's not worth the argument.

OP posts:
Original poster
IdiotIntrusion · 26/03/2022 13:15

I feel humiliated.

OP posts:
SamphiretheStickerist · 26/03/2022 13:20

You can stop that feeling. You know you can

thequeenoftarts · 26/03/2022 13:21

It wont get any better, can you endure this every time you go out and come back in? I was accused of having multiple affairs by my ex, it broke me as a person. I was staying in to keep the peace and still being accused and in the end I thought fuck it, if I am getting the grief I may as well have the fun. To be fair our marriage was over at this stage, sep bedrooms, no sex in 10 years, I had also started the divorce process and he still got offended when he realised I was meeting men.

Daffodilis · 26/03/2022 13:25

@IdiotIntrusion

I feel humiliated.
Do you have children or anything that ties you to him you need to unravel? Why do you think you should just put up and shut up with his behaviour. How much of your life is worth trading for this abuse. He will eventually have you afraid to breath in the wrong direction, nothing with make him happy. He will grind you down and down, till there is nothing left of who you are. I've been there, 14 years, I'm still not recovered from the trauma, but at least I'm not scared to live anymore.
Original poster
IdiotIntrusion · 26/03/2022 13:31

No children.

He's happy to comment on how 'attractive' other women are or talk about his past sexual encounters but I can't carry around a bag that has another man's scent on it.

OP posts:
pointythings · 26/03/2022 13:32

Don't let him make you feel humiliated. This is all him, not you. Tell him once and for all to stop being a jealous insecure twat, and that his other option is to ship out.

Allthecheeseplease · 26/03/2022 13:32

A lot of abusers are "amazing humans" when they are not abusing. If you feel as though you are walking on egg shells, in any capacity, then you ned to examine your relationship.

Gooders1105 · 26/03/2022 13:35

Yuck! Horrible and abusive. Leave. He’s not amazing if he does this.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/03/2022 13:35

He's not an amazing human in the least. You're I. Denial.

Original poster
IdiotIntrusion · 26/03/2022 13:36

I can't believe I've managed to get in to this situation again. I left my ex husband due to emotional/financial abuse and I've gone and put myself in it again.

OP posts:
Original poster
IdiotIntrusion · 26/03/2022 13:38

I think it's because we live together that I feel like I can't leave. It's 100% my house (owned). We're only in a relationship so he has no legal standing here.

OP posts:
Daffodilis · 26/03/2022 13:38

@IdiotIntrusion

No children.

He's happy to comment on how 'attractive' other women are or talk about his past sexual encounters but I can't carry around a bag that has another man's scent on it.

You know when the moment was that I'd had enough? I went to an Italian nightschool class and he agreed to babysit his own children. I had a call from him whilst I was there from him, he screamed at me that my eldest son had choked to death whilst I was out whoring about! Rushed home, he was fine, ex had funked off and dragged my neighbour in to care for my children till I got home, I cannot explain the horror I felt that night. These men are sick in the head, he will never change, but he will wreck you!
Daffodilis · 26/03/2022 13:39

@IdiotIntrusion

I can't believe I've managed to get in to this situation again. I left my ex husband due to emotional/financial abuse and I've gone and put myself in it again.
You got out of that, so you know you can do it again. None of his behaviour is your fault.
Gooders1105 · 26/03/2022 13:40

Have some counselling, OP, so you can find out more about why you allow these behaviours. Counselling has been the most amazing experience for me.

TibetanTerrah · 26/03/2022 13:40

@IdiotIntrusion

I think it's because we live together that I feel like I can't leave. It's 100% my house (owned). We're only in a relationship so he has no legal standing here.
What do you think he'll do if you ask him to move out?