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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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How can i get my childs grandma posting photos of her on social media? **Content warning added by MNHQ: thread contains an account of abuse**

128 replies

CardiffGymMonkeyMum · 24/03/2022 17:02

AIBU?

It's been almost 5 years since my childs father has seen his child. So same goes for his parents.

Without going into too much detail. I stopped contact with her father because of the abuse i suffered while i was with him. After councilling from mental health services and other specialists once we were no longer together (He cheated "because i didn't satisfy him anymore). He went on to have another child, a boy. Who's mother also doesn't allow contact with the grandparents. After councilling i realised how dark of a situation the whole realtionship was, Including gaslighting and non-consentual sex (e.g waking up with him on top of me or plying me with alcohol or waiting till i was drunk to have sex with me which would end up with me bleeding or bruised (anal) with him swearing i would ask him to do it, I always said no sober). I recently found out he has been accused twice of similar by other women, one as recently as last year and once about the time we were together. Both women were drunk. He never drinks. One he offered to take home from town and one is a known alcoholic, Police informed me due to social services wanting to put some saftey procedures in place because of the records from my councilling.

Even so. I had already stopped him seeing our daughter around 2018 after my councilling.

I stopped her from seeing her grandad and grandma because i could'nt guarantee that they would keep her away from her dad. I've had all the "using the child as a weapon" "playing god" abuse thrown ar me. But i can't willingly allow her to be around any of them. If i do check their fb they post about grandparents rights or dads rights. aswell. They also continue to post photos and statues about H, the photos are all from ages 1-3. I have asked them not to. and was met with horrible comments about my Gay friends and my black friend being allowed around H. but not thier son. These comments were reported to the police but didnt reach the threshold of hate speech even though slurs were used. I have also reported every time they have posted photos but police say to report it to fb. fb are useless. I also showed them a screenshot from an email from SWP about pressing charges for the non consentual sex which also mentioned the two other accusations. They rand the police and i did get a caution for sharing the email. but they confirm with her the email was in fact from them... But again me and two other women are liars (one didnt press charges because she has lost children to social services, because of her drinking, hence why they wanted me to press charges)

I paid 425 pound for two appointments with a solicitor who says its a civil case. But they have no legal right to post anything which shows my childs face without my permission

I dont even post photos of H.

I feel im being too much somedays. But I can't be wrong if his other childs mother also keeps her son away from them?

Sorry its long winded. Its eating me up and my only option seems to be allow it to countinue or pay thousands to take them to court just so a judge can put the ban in place. Or i press charges for the abuse suffered which means my daughter and family find out at some point.

OP posts:
CardiffGymMonkeyMum · 24/03/2022 17:03

How can i get my childs grandma to stop posting photos of her on social media?

OP posts:
titchy · 24/03/2022 17:07

Does it matter? The photos are from 5 years ago - I doubt your child is even recognisable. You also don't own any photos - anyone can post anyones photo on their SM.

Block them, don't check their SM and move on.

steppemum · 24/03/2022 17:07

the photos are old. They don't have any current ones.

I woudl cut all contact with all of them and block them on everything.

It isn't great that they still post same old photos, but they will soon be so dated that irrelevant.

Keep you and you dc safe away from them all.

CardiffGymMonkeyMum · 24/03/2022 17:18

I feel that my daughter's photos are used to get sympathy. as they always make sure to note how evil and poisonous i am. If it was just the odd photo i would let it slide. But its alway followed by passive aggressive comments. My daughter is 8 and wouldn't be allowed to post or be on SM. I don't do it, my parents respect this. Why can't they? When asked last year if they wanted a recent school photo aslong as it doesnt go on SM because of the school policy of having children in uniform on SM in general. i was met with why? so you can look like a good mum making an effort? they refused. I can't win.

OP posts:
CardiffGymMonkeyMum · 24/03/2022 17:21

@titchy

Does it matter? The photos are from 5 years ago - I doubt your child is even recognisable. You also don't own any photos - anyone can post anyones photo on their SM.

Block them, don't check their SM and move on.

i dont check. mutual friends show me what they post. they are all blocked on mine.
OP posts:
GregBrawlsInDogJail · 24/03/2022 17:21

So stop playing..?

Block them, don't send them any more photos, end of story.

Sirzy · 24/03/2022 17:25

As the mutual friends to stop talking about them with you or vice Versa. If they keep at it then they aren’t friends they are shit stirrers.

Focus on you and your daughter and try to block them as much as possible. If that means walking away from other people to let that happen then so be it.

Redglitter · 24/03/2022 17:25

I feel that my daughter's photos are used to get sympathy. as they always make sure to note how evil and poisonous i am

Sounds like you'd be better off blocking them & letting them get on with it. Even if they are posting negatively about you, people aren't daft. I bet that most folk are aware fully what they're like. As pp said the photos are already out of date. Just ensure they don't get more up to date ones. It's really not worth what you're putting yourself through

YABU however reporting them to the Police for posting photos. As they've said its not a Police matter so please stop wasting Police time because there's nothing they can do

trevthecat · 24/03/2022 17:25

My ex does this. I leave him to it. He has no contact and only has a handful of photos. It's pathetic! But I don't care what people think of me, I know the truth of why him or his family have not seen the kids for 9 years. You have to learn to just let it go

Hospedia · 24/03/2022 17:26

Block them on all devices, on all social media accounts, and delete/block their phone numbers. Don't go seeking them out, don't check their pages, don't respond to their messages, don't take their calls, don't offer then photos or updates. Make it 100% no contact, if they want to get in touch with you they can do it via solicitor (which I'll bet they won't).

Look at applying for a non-molestation order which will ban him from contacting you and his representatives/family from contacting you on his behalf. It's free to apply, the process is fairly straight forward, and there are organisations who can help you through it. If he breaks the order, he gets arrested.

Kinneddar · 24/03/2022 17:27

I dont check. mutual friends show me what they post. they are all blocked on mine

So next time tell your 'friends' you're not interested and don't want to know

Hospedia · 24/03/2022 17:28

And tell your mutual friends that you don't want them to show you their posts/photos any more, make it clear that anyone who carries on doing this will also be deleted and blocked. You'll quickly figure out who is actually your friend and who is a winged monkey just there to stir up drama.

katicomps · 24/03/2022 17:29

Are your friends shit stirring... Do they tell you to cause drama and fireworks? Ask yourself that.

CardiffGymMonkeyMum · 24/03/2022 17:30

I dont send any the photos are her as a baby/toddler. I did offer then her school photo last year. but was met with abuse and racist and homophobic rants about my friends.

OP posts:
titchy · 24/03/2022 17:31

Just ignore. Tell your so called friends to ignore. Nothing police or a solicitor can do.

CardiffGymMonkeyMum · 24/03/2022 17:33

No they know i've asked them not to share they show me the comments about me being a shit mum. if the comments didnt always follow every photo i think i could let it slide. its the comments and lies and the fact thier son is a saint in thier eyes that really get to me

OP posts:
Josette77 · 24/03/2022 17:36

Why are your friends feeding the drama???
Ignore and move on.

Freshprincess · 24/03/2022 17:36

They’re old photos, so what does it matter? If it’s been going on for 5 years all their friends will be sick of hearing about it.

Block them all. Don’t offer any new photos. Tell your friends you don’t want to know what they’ve been saying.

You’re out of all that crap now, just focus on your daughter and living your life.

CardiffGymMonkeyMum · 24/03/2022 17:37

can i just ask if any of you as parents would clearly just allow photos of your child, her full name etc and comments slagging you off to just continue? they stay on SM, one day H may see them?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 24/03/2022 17:37

But why would a friend show you something they knew would be so distressing to you? I think you need to really think about these “friendships”

Gizacluethen · 24/03/2022 17:43

The photos must be really old. Absolutely never offer or give them any photos of her.

Do they also post pictures of the other grandchild? Do people even support them, I can imagine seeing these type things and thinking the person was an absolute nutter.

Redglitter · 24/03/2022 17:50

one day H may see them
.
If she does it'll reflect badly on them, not you, and it'll let her see why she never saw them while growing up

CardiffGymMonkeyMum · 24/03/2022 17:50

ffs i'd rather have friends who make me aware than just ignore it. if the didnt i would not class them as friends. These are friends who have been with me through all the shit. who have help raise H. babysat while i worked three jobs so i could move house. had her for a month while i was starting couciling after a suicide atempt when H was 3. They know about her dad and how he treats women. They have been the brunt of homophobic and racial abuse for sticking up for me. I have the best group of mates. I don't know how you feel about your mates but if i thought they were stirring the pot i'd tell them. They are respecting my daughters privacy. She is 8! she couldn't join SM and post her own photos. Why should her grandparents be allowed to?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 24/03/2022 17:51

And yet they are still friends with the people at the centre of al this? Hmm

steppemum · 24/03/2022 17:53

OP - everyone is saying ignore and let it go, but you can't can you?

You are really emotionally tied up with them. They are nasty people, disangage yourself. Who cares what they say? Who cares what they think? They are going to post things to wind you up. And it works, you get wound up.

Ask yourself - why do you care what a bunch of horrible people think?
The people who matter know it is rubbish.
The people who matter know they are nasty.

You need to really let them go and live your own life. Block everything. Don't send them anything.
you and dd are better off without them.

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