How can i get my childs grandma posting photos of her on social media? **Content warning added by MNHQ: thread contains an account of abuse**

[CardiffGymMonkeyMum]

AIBU?

It's been almost 5 years since my childs father has seen his child. So same goes for his parents.

Without going into too much detail. I stopped contact with her father because of the abuse i suffered while i was with him. After councilling from mental health services and other specialists once we were no longer together (He cheated "because i didn't satisfy him anymore). He went on to have another child, a boy. Who's mother also doesn't allow contact with the grandparents. After councilling i realised how dark of a situation the whole realtionship was, Including gaslighting and non-consentual sex (e.g waking up with him on top of me or plying me with alcohol or waiting till i was drunk to have sex with me which would end up with me bleeding or bruised (anal) with him swearing i would ask him to do it, I always said no sober). I recently found out he has been accused twice of similar by other women, one as recently as last year and once about the time we were together. Both women were drunk. He never drinks. One he offered to take home from town and one is a known alcoholic, Police informed me due to social services wanting to put some saftey procedures in place because of the records from my councilling.

Even so. I had already stopped him seeing our daughter around 2018 after my councilling.

I stopped her from seeing her grandad and grandma because i could'nt guarantee that they would keep her away from her dad. I've had all the "using the child as a weapon" "playing god" abuse thrown ar me. But i can't willingly allow her to be around any of them. If i do check their fb they post about grandparents rights or dads rights. aswell. They also continue to post photos and statues about H, the photos are all from ages 1-3. I have asked them not to. and was met with horrible comments about my Gay friends and my black friend being allowed around H. but not thier son. These comments were reported to the police but didnt reach the threshold of hate speech even though slurs were used. I have also reported every time they have posted photos but police say to report it to fb. fb are useless. I also showed them a screenshot from an email from SWP about pressing charges for the non consentual sex which also mentioned the two other accusations. They rand the police and i did get a caution for sharing the email. but they confirm with her the email was in fact from them... But again me and two other women are liars (one didnt press charges because she has lost children to social services, because of her drinking, hence why they wanted me to press charges)

I paid 425 pound for two appointments with a solicitor who says its a civil case. But they have no legal right to post anything which shows my childs face without my permission

I dont even post photos of H.

I feel im being too much somedays. But I can't be wrong if his other childs mother also keeps her son away from them?

Sorry its long winded. Its eating me up and my only option seems to be allow it to countinue or pay thousands to take them to court just so a judge can put the ban in place. Or i press charges for the abuse suffered which means my daughter and family find out at some point.

its not gossip. im not hearing it third or forth hand or from someone who heard my friend talking about it

it seems alot of you just want to create drama between me and my friends. like youre actively trying to fill my head with doubts.

you're all shitty friends, i get that. thats your issue. i would not be were am i today. without my friends. as for being defensive i will definitely always defend the people looking out for H and myself.

however if you aint here to try stir drama. why not actually give your opinion on a family member who has no acess to your child posting photos of your child after being asked not too?

I offered them one photo before the other accusations came to light. stupidly, maybe cause i was thinking about H and hoping it may start a connection but after the homophobic and racial slurs i would not even consider it now.

From a legal perspective, you could ask the social media platform to take down photographs for safeguarding or consent reasons. They may sanction the profile owner. Additionally, you could look into a free solicitor on a no win no fee basis who specialises in data protection breach. They could determine if there was a case for having personal data (photographs) published without consent. I do think this would be stirring a hornets nest personally, and would continue your contact with the father and his family...albeit indirectly. You need to balance the risks from that, and your well being, against your wish for privacy.

OP. You and your friends sound obsessed with this situation and drama in general.

Step back. Actually cut these people out of your life instead of actively following what they are doing and saying. Don't make contact. In what way does it impact you or your daughter's life if a years old photo is posted on Facebook? If they only have limited photos then chances are their Facebook friends have seen them all before several times over. You will be much happier if you let this drama go.

As PP says, I think you might be addicted to the drama. Perhaps you would be bored without it.

People aren't trying to give you doubts about your friends, just pointing out that SM drama is really quite juvenile and silly and this situation could be ended if no one bothered to monitor the socials.

I think you care too much what others think of you. Otherwise it really wouldn't matter what a bitter old fart posted to her friends about you.

Why would anyone in here want to create drama between you and your friends

Maybe you and your friends all enjoy living in the past, bitching about your ex and his family and winding each other up. Maybe your idea of friendship is having people winding you up and then comforting you over it and then winding you up again, and that's ok for you.

Those who have grown up past the teen drama stage realise that sort of behaviour is unhealthy, and the people enabling that behaviour aren't good people. As you will know, having been in an abusive relationship, sometimes you can't see the unhealthy relationships in your life because you're too close too them.

I genuinely hope that you surround yourself and your daughter with better people soon op

@Hope90x

OP it sounds like an awful lot of drama, which could all be easily avoided by ignoring the silly SM posts and asking your friends not to bring them to your attention.

I had a guy on my SM and he continually posted slurs about his baby mama. He may have been the most genuine victim in the world but people's reactions were genuinely more negative towards HIM because of how he was behaving.... Only the people on his level sympathised with him. Which is no real loss to the 'babymamma' I'm sure.

I have also been subjected to slandering posts about myself, by the mother of my husband's child, I have never once felt the need to react because honestly, the ones that were brought to my attention were either laughable or pity-inducing.

These people let themselves down, and anyone half sensible accepts that there are two sides to a story. Don't waste your emotion.

last time i will say this.

if it was the odd photo. i would let it slide.

its the fact its photos. her full name, even birthdate and then rants about me using H as a waepon. arent they doing the same?

I dont slag them off. I dont blast their sex abuser son on fb.

If my friends see it they tell me. i report it to 101 as ive been told to by police.

I just wanted advice on how i can stop it carrying on. that's all.

While i'm reporting it im building up evidence against them. I wish i had 5000 pound to take it to civil court. but i don't.

When H is 13 she can have SM, she can contact them or her dad. send them photos. but atm she is 8 and my responsibility.

I was hoping someone in a similar situation would see this. But obviously it's just attracted people who would rather read between the lines and add drama.

i want it to stop. i'm aware they will do what ever they want to do.

mumsnet was suggested to me, for advice. i've never used it before. but it seems the repetation it has is true.

People have given you advice. But that advice doesn’t play into the drama you seem to be seeking.

Its eating me up and my only option seems to be allow it to countinue or pay thousands to take them to court just so a judge can put the ban in place.

You seem to have answered your own question here. Except you are not 'allowing' it to continue, because realistically you can't stop it. You don't have that power or control. A better wording might be that you have to 'put up with it continuing'.

So put up with it - either with or without blocking them.

The only power and control you have is the choice whether to block or not.

You and your friends need to step back from SM. Your ex DP and his family sound wicked. But there isn’t anything you can do - all you are doing is giving yourself a lot of stress and heartache, which no doubt fuels their vindictiveness. So what if some equal low lives are giving them undeserved sympathy. You have your own family and friends - they don’t matter.

it seems alot of you just want to create drama between me and my friends

Why on earth would anyone be interested in creating drama between you. You've been given advice but don't seem interested in listening

People have given you advice. But that advice doesn’t play into the drama you seem to be seeking

This ^^

Wonder how long before the threads deleted because it's not going OPs way....

I just wanted advice on how i can stop it carrying on. that's all.

Every single person on this thread has told you that you cannot stop it carrying on. There is fuck all you can do. Nothing. Nada.

So you can keep posting and getting pissy with people giving you sensible advice. But the advice won't change because it can't. They can post as many photos of your dd as they want.

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

Why would anyone in here want to create drama between you and your friends

Maybe you and your friends all enjoy living in the past, bitching about your ex and his family and winding each other up. Maybe your idea of friendship is having people winding you up and then comforting you over it and then winding you up again, and that's ok for you.

Those who have grown up past the teen drama stage realise that sort of behaviour is unhealthy, and the people enabling that behaviour aren't good people. As you will know, having been in an abusive relationship, sometimes you can't see the unhealthy relationships in your life because you're too close too them.

I genuinely hope that you surround yourself and your daughter with better people soon op

we dont talk about him or them. they show me. i report it. My friends are amazing. I don't have many. We don't gossip, We dont do drama. We gym , We Work. the post isnt about my friends or who tells me what they post. that is insignificant. you havent given any advice on the subject the post is about? How can i stop them posting? which means youre hear for the drama, the gossip. Firmly still in the teen drama stage of your life.

My friends dont ask anything of me. They do a lot for me and H. They have helped me keep a very busy work schedule, Looked after or taking H away on holiday with them, out of their own pocket taken her to canada. Drove her to wrexham for gymnastic trails.They have helped me overcome a mild eating disorder that is onset by my ptsd. If it's even a bad thing the only time they make me do anything is when the sense i'm off so one has H while one makes me climb pen yfan or do 5 hours in a gym and sauna. I don't know whats toxic about that!!

What were you hoping for OP? Someone on here with a direct line to Mark Zuckerberg who would stop these people posting pictures.

Loads of people have given you kind and polite advice. Your responses have been aggressive and rude.

You sound incredibly immature and like a real drama llama.

The way you keep banging on about your friends , and how we, perfect strangers, are trying to stir trouble with them. It makes you sound about 12.

@CardiffGymMonkeyMum

I feel that my daughter's photos are used to get sympathy. as they always make sure to note how evil and poisonous i am. If it was just the odd photo i would let it slide. But its alway followed by passive aggressive comments. My daughter is 8 and wouldn't be allowed to post or be on SM. I don't do it, my parents respect this. Why can't they? When asked last year if they wanted a recent school photo aslong as it doesnt go on SM because of the school policy of having children in uniform on SM in general. i was met with why? so you can look like a good mum making an effort? they refused. I can't win.

Why are you having anything to do with them?

Just block them all and forget them.

I feel so sorry for the poor child caught up in all this

It’s an old picture

Just block them so you don’t see anything and move on

you havent given any advice on the subject the post is about? How can i stop them posting?

You can't. But I did post advice upthread.

Its frustrating to see someone posting that they have left one abusive relationship and become reliant on more toxic people, especially toxic people who seem to have deliberatly made you, and worse still, your dd, reliant on them.

Try the freedom programme op, it will help you realise a lot about yourself and the people around you.

Its not easy, I jumped straight out of an abusive relationship and into toxic friendships, that I didn't recognise as toxic at the time, but one day you'll look back and realise the people fuelling this drama and anxiety in you aren't good people

@Kinneddar

it seems alot of you just want to create drama between me and my friends

Why on earth would anyone be interested in creating drama between you. You've been given advice but don't seem interested in listening

People have given you advice. But that advice doesn’t play into the drama you seem to be seeking

This ^^

Wonder how long before the threads deleted because it's not going OPs way....

the advice i got

block them... have been for a year
get new friends
ignore it. I do

advice i havent got

what the post is about.

how would you attempt to stop them posting.
because if i am ok with it or not. if i have to let it go, i can...

but my 8 year old daughter's privacy thats the issue. how about you all let me post your childs name and face and on my SM? i'll never have access to them. but thats fine. i'll write what ever i want about you as parents and your kid can google search thier name in a few years. none of you have a problem with that. and if a friend finds the post and tells you because the care about you and your child. you can tell them to f off because they are just toxic gossipers lol.

@CannaBelieve

I feel so sorry for the poor child caught up in all this

let me put your kids on my social media. you can block me. then you dont have to worry about it.

Youre being aggressive, its abusive, I wouldn't be surprised if people stop responding to you on here.
You would be a negligent parent if at 13 you allowed her to have contact with her grandparents online, for them to be able to communicate with her. You're trying to prevent damage now but you'll leave her to it with them when she's a teen? The police have advised you to keep logging what they are doing as harassment, it is making your life harder, but you would allow your daughter, a child, to decide if she can keep herself safe from them? She can't, she won't be capable, that's your job. That's not ok. There isn't anything else you can do to stop them, other than the legal advice you've already had and the great advice one here about limiting what you ate exposing yourself to

It does sound like you have the support of the police to go ahead with their case against him for raping you and other women, this would be the thing to focus on with proper support in place for you and your daughter. If he is convicted it will strengthen your position and safety from him and his family. You need counelling, therapy, support through all this, you don't sound safe, emotionally or able to focus 100% on positive energy with your daughter, the way your life is is impulsive and damaging. Get some more help with what you are dealing with, follow the advice of the police. Monitoring what his family are doing isn't keeping you or your child safe from him, they're all dangerous people for you. Focus on the bigger problem of what he did to you.

You can't stop them, but you could help the police stop him.

@CannaBelieve

I feel so sorry for the poor child caught up in all this

but yeah that my whole point she searches her name in a few years or her friends and it's just post after post about how shit her mum is. She is 8, she isnt caught up in anything so no one should be posting her full name on social media while slagging off her mum. i dont retaliate on Facebook and i could. i have written proof her dad has been accused of two sex crimes. plus my experience with him. but i don't want it cominh back on H in a few years when other kids could fing it and bully her over it.

I think the only way to deal with such awful people is treat them as dead and live your best life.

In due course you may need to tell your child some of this information but for now they don’t exist.

mumsnet was suggested to me, for advice.

Who suggested it to you? Your friends?

And you've been given advice, it's just not the advice you want to hear (I'm not sure what that is, actually).

@OakRowan

You can't stop them, but you could help the police stop him.

well at 13 shes allowed SM so they could contact her. if they were civil i would leave it up to her. i wouldn't just be like go ahead form a realtionship. i'd monitor the conversation. i would have to be wary. but what would stop her contacting them behind my back. could i stop her at 16 or 18? why does 3 or 5 years make a difference. if im hard on here without explaining and it just point blank refuse whats to say she won't rebel and do it anyway. i'm not being aggressive, i'm shutting down comments that have no advice for whats asked in the OP. or who are reading into the unimportant bits.

im defending my friends from strange paranioid antidotes that are way past the mark.

i have spoken to police. I have given my approval that my councilling records, conversations and stuff can be read by a judge if the other women press charges.