He doesn’t ask me anything…

[Pavesi]

Hi all,

So I’m talking to a guy I met on Hinge, we’ve exchanged numbers and are due to meet on Saturday but he doesn’t really ask me anything.

He will text first (as will I, I’m not into games) and we can chat away but it’s usually in reference to what he’s been up to or the event that we’re going to in the weekend but he hasn’t once asked how my day has been, what I’ve been up to, or any personal things about me.

Are some guys just a bit rubbish when texting? He has been very busy as he’s got a few days off to refurb his house and we’ve still spoken each day but it’s somehow lacking.

It’s put me off the date a little I must admit.

Does anyone have similar experiences or any wisdom to share?

Sounds familiar OP. Not sure it’s a man thing - I just think some people have poor conversational /social skills, which is what this is.

You could try gently reminding him that you like to be asked stuff too - see how he takes it. If he’s got any perception or awareness, he’ll get it and pull his socks up! If not, we’ll then you have your answer and conversation with him is doomed to be unutterably dull …

I disagree about asking someone to be more thoughtful. I think in those early days just sit back and watch how they are. If you don't like it, move onto someone else. There's absolutely no point trying to change someone.

Ask upfront "Wouldn't you like to know anything about me?".
You will be able to decide about the date depending on his response. Some people are happy to go with your conversation if you are chatty.

I had an ex like this. Dated for years and never asked me any questions. Unless they were sex related. He wouldn’t have known a thing about me if I just didn’t volunteer the info, I’m not sure if he knew where I was born or where I grew up. To me that just made me feel like he didn’t care much about me at all. Honestly this guy prob won’t change, I believe yiu are prob seeing the most you will get out of him now, it won’t get better.

Well, he may be waiting until you meet in person before asking more personal questions, and just keeping it light hearted for now until you meet.

But similarly to a pp, I had an ex who generally didn't ask me any questions and I would end up volunteering the information myself. It feels a bit miserable and as if they don't really want to get to know you as a person.

I'd probably go on a date with him and see if he is self-absorbed in person too. Maybe he will notice your eyes glaze over, realize he hasn't asked any questions of you and correct himself.

I don't think it's a man thing. Unless I've just been fortunate (and I have limited experience, chatting to two guys on Bumble which then led to relationships). The first one and I got to know each other by text, we never spoke on the phone until the day we met when he phoned to say he would be late. So all of our conversations were written and he asked me loads.

Number 2, the lovely chap I'm in a very happy relationship with, phoned me within 10 minutes of matching on Bumble (I was reckless and gave him my number immediately) and we talked all day and into the night asking each other questions and then expanding on the answers. He still asks me what my plans are, how my day has been, what have I been up to, every day when we speak - he lives an hour away so we only see each other once or twice a week in person.

I think in your case I would possibly meet up and see whether he is interested in your views and plans, but he might be quite self absorbed.

Alot of men don't like long messages or texting. My boyfriend is a grumpy bum with his phone at times. He hates conversations in messages. Although he always does message and ask of I'm OK in the morning etc. You can only really meet him and judge it then can't you? Real life is the main thing. As long as he shows interest then. Maybe he's just not into small talk. My boyfriend will ask me what I'm doing and stuff. But its rare he will say how was your walk etc.

To me conversation is very important. I spoke to my dp for about 6 weeks before meeting and we talked for hours about everything.

Meet him and see what he's like

LOADS of men are like this (possibly women too but I only dated men)
They are the OLD process as a chance to tell you all about them but forget it's supposed to go both ways. It's boring and self obsessed and I'm not sure why you are contemplating meeting someone so dull?

Far too many men are like this!

I've experienced it myself numerous times and it's slightly soul crushing. They aren't asking questions because they aren't interested enough to care. They are just looking for a person to fill the woman shaped gap in their lives. Someone showing an interest in you is the bare minimum. Don't waste your time with anyone who doesn't. Please don't go on a date with this guy. You'd be better off doing something nice for yourself. I guarantee he won't be any better in person.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee I date both and it is most definitely more of a man thing!

I’d bin him and move on
When I was OLD I had a few like this
Me- so what do you do
Him- electrics

Me -how was your day
Him- fine
Etc.

It’s hard work and actually quite boring

New bloke is always asking me things about myself because he’s actually interested in me and understands that conversation is a two way street

Do you ask him about himself or does he just volunteer the information? If so, he's may be expecting you to do the same. Or is it that you can't get a word in as he talks about himself so much?

[quote CrumpetStrumpet]@CloseYourEyesAndSee I date both and it is most definitely more of a man thing![/quote]
I suspected

You're taking this far too seriously and you seem to be 'upset' already that e isn't doing what you'd want him to be doing. OLD is designed by nature to keep you on the apps for as long as possible, and many matches don't go anywhere, so keep it light hearted until you meet multiple times

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

LOADS of men are like this (possibly women too but I only dated men) They are the OLD process as a chance to tell you all about them but forget it's supposed to go both ways. It's boring and self obsessed and I'm not sure why you are contemplating meeting someone so dull?

Maybe she can't do better? Some people dont have much choice in the matter and take what they can get!

See how the date is.

This is a good sign for me. Any man who is getting too deep or too invasive before dating is usually trying to build fake intimacy and inject himself into your routine before he’s even had a chance to impress you or do anything.

Also agree about you taking this too seriously. Why do you care? Why are you upset? You don’t know this man and he doesn’t owe you anything. Wait for the date, and if it’s good and you like him- I’m sure more convo and questions will come.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

LOADS of men are like this (possibly women too but I only dated men) They are the OLD process as a chance to tell you all about them but forget it's supposed to go both ways. It's boring and self obsessed and I'm not sure why you are contemplating meeting someone so dull?

Dull is text ping pong and ‘good morning beautiful!’ texts when you haven’t even had a date

They are meeting on Saturday

There is nothing to get upset about yet

@Heatherjayne1972

I’d bin him and move on When I was OLD I had a few like this Me- so what do you do Him- electrics

Me -how was your day
Him- fine
Etc.

It’s hard work and actually quite boring

New bloke is always asking me things about myself because he’s actually interested in me and understands that conversation is a two way street

Maybe he is interested to get to sex quicker? Just because they're asking questions the motives could be very different to what you think!

He wouldn't have got to the date stage with me. Fun/banter/chat on text is important to me. If the conversation isn't flowing both ways on text, I would have moved on to the next match.

Maybe he's waiting until the date. I am not a man, but I hate long text conversations.

I've had several long term relationships spanning 15 years but its only in the last yrlear i realised that every single one of my relationships has either been like this or ends up like this after the initial honeymoon phase (all men) some of them were lovely, but as a PP noted above they were more interested in a woman who made them feel good to fill a woman shaped hole in their life than in me as a person. They behave devastated when you break up but they didnt really know me? Not once has a man asked what my hopes or fears are, or where i want my life to end up. It was an incrediy depressing realisation that has taken a massive hit on my self esteem if im honest, am i just not interesting?
I think half the problem is that i DO ask questions, and boost them up, and compliment them on their skills or personality traits rather than just their looks, which leads them to believe we have a deep and meaningful connection, but its all one sided.
Sorry... bit of a ramble... id try going on the date and pay attention to this - dont get caught in the trap of trying to fill the conversation - let him do some of the work and see what hes like then.

I recently went on a dare with a man like this, thought he was probably busy and not much of a texter but in person he didn't ask me a single question either!
Me: So where did you grow up
Him: Sheffield
Me: Oh, I've been there a few times. When did you move here?
Him : Reply...
Seriously, not one question back.
Boring and selfish.
He did pay though and for the 1st time ever I didn't argue it 😆

I dated someone like this. Initially, I put it down to nerves - he had been single for a while and I met him through friends - but it turned out to be indicative of someone who was early selfish and self centred who only cared about himself 🤷🏻‍♀️