Holidays can be fun?

[SunnydaleHSAlumna]

I've been with my DH for a long time and I've been questioning our relationship and I've had an experience this weekend which has kind of blown my mind.

I went down to London this weekend with my sister for the night to see a show, something which I've never done before as I've only been away with DH (no DC).

But I feel really almost confused because it was so... easy. It was relaxed and fun and lovely and we got along well and were thoughtful of each other and I wasn't constantly in my head, giving myself a pep talk to get through it. I can't stop thinking about how easy and stress free it was, and how much of a contrast to going away with DH.

I wanted to post because I wanted to know if other people have fun when they go away with their partners? I think I kind of always assumed that holidays or nights away were just always stressful. Was being away with my sister just a completely random fluke of loveliness or is this what life really has the potential to be?

I have had low self esteem and self confidence in the past, he hasn’t changed he was like this before I married him but I didn’t think I deserved any better, I thought I was lucky to have anyone at all, it’s because I’m changing now ...

Op, I'm so glad this is changing.

You can't stay with this abusive, defective, weirdo (im sorry but that's what he is, he had serious issues) because you, wringly, believe you can't get anyone else.

And even if you did accept this behaviour and keep being controlled and abused like this, what about kids? Most people want them and have them sooner or later. You can't subject little kids to this man.

I have no doubt he'll fight hard to keep you ifvand when he realises you might leave his crazy self; its hard to find somekne who'd put up with this, and he's invested a lot of time into training you.

He may say he'll change or look like he has, but I doubt he'll sustain it.

I have lots of friends who have more active partners, but they acknowledge this and the more active one will run first thing, or walk back from somewhere or cycle home from a day out while the less active one brings the car back. There are definitely ways for him to be intense without forcing you to, but you'd need to stand up for yourself and there's also a danger he won't like that, but if that's the case you are better off without him.

When you go out, suggest take a small rucksack with water & snacks or a picnic

One night with TV, one night with sunset
If he doesn't want to watch the sunset, watch it by yourself

If he wants to stomp off walking, you can stay by the pool with a book & lunch in a cafe

It sounds like you are both not communicating & not compromising

Holidays should be fun

Book some holidays with other people

What you experienced with your sister is how holidays should be. Give and take, able to do the things you want but accept that the other person might not want to do the same so you go solo.

It sounds like you are both not communicating & not compromising

This is so bad its almost funny; he communicates very well indeed, he communicates what he wants, he communicates what his rules are, he communicates his extreme displeasure and disapproval ......

....we got back to the room we had a massive argument, he told me I was fat and lazy and he was having an awful time and he was bored and I had ruined his holiday....

It's rare to see someone miss so completely that someone is an abuser on here.

Also to miss that that op is doing all the compromising, he is not doing really any, and that what opnis being expected to compromise in the direction of is extreme and unreasonable.

@Flight00Fancy

When you go out, suggest take a small rucksack with water & snacks or a picnic

One night with TV, one night with sunset
If he doesn't want to watch the sunset, watch it by yourself

If he wants to stomp off walking, you can stay by the pool with a book & lunch in a cafe

It sounds like you are both not communicating & not compromising

Holidays should be fun

Book some holidays with other people

And the prize for not picking up so much vital information goes to

He wants to walk a lot, just walking for the sake of it. My feet will be killing and he still want us to walk more. And I like walking! He’s just extreme. He doesn’t like looking in shops or sunbathing. He uses food or drinks as kind of rewards, even water. He will go in the pool but wants me to be playing games with him else he says he’s bored. He is impatient. He sometimes seems almost embarrassed if I want to sit on a bench or have a rest. I end up looking forward to being home. Everything always is a rush. He hates queuing so we are always the first ones out for dinner. In bed early and up at the crack of dawn. Likes to go back to the room to watch TV for a few hours but it almost always ends up being over sunset which I love and miss.

Yeah op is definitely needs to compromise.

It's not that he's controlling, domineering, unreasonable, abusive and batshit crazy.

@Blanca87

Op are you the poster who works for her husband and you have almost left a couple of times? If you are, sending you strength and love.

I was just thinking that too, hope she's ok.