Friend ignoring me since they had a baby

[Nisse23]

I have a close male friend whose wife has just had a baby. It’s their third child, and she’s a full-time SAHM. I am not friends with his wife.

For the past two and a half years, we’ve spoken more or less every day and hung out regularly. He’s described me as his best friend and has gotten a little upset with me when I haven’t responded to him within a couple of days on occasion. He’s usually the first to instigate conversations and tells me he misses me if we haven’t talked much. He’s not scared of double texting!

Before the baby arrived, he was very cagey about telling me the due date, never told me the gender, and showed other people scans but not me. I’m not super interested in his children, but I’ll always listen when he brings them up. I asked him in advance what I should expect from him in the first month - if he would want space, if he’d disappear for a bit, that kind of thing. He said he didn’t know what to expect but of course he’d want to speak to me. He was texting up until 10pm the day before the baby was due.

On the day she was due, I texted wishing them a smooth delivery. He sent back a short response along the lines that it went fine. And since then, crickets.

I’ve not had a single message from him. I can see he’s on LinkedIn all the time, has seen other friends to do some podcast creation, and posted about the new baby on Instagram. He’s also back at work. We use an app to talk where I’m his only contact, and I can see he was online a week ago, once, but didn’t message.

I feel… really confused. He’s basically cut me off. I’m wondering whether I should send a message to check in on him and ask about the baby, but it seems like it would be unwelcome.

I really miss my friend. I don’t have many friends, so this really hurts and I’ve felt really low. Is is strange for a new parent to do this and not share any info on their newborn? I’d understand if he was so overwhelmed he had no time to message anyone, but he has been seeing other people who he likes less than me! And finding time for side projects.

Should I reach out, or accept that for some reason he doesn’t seem to want me anymore?

@Nisse23

I thought I’d come back with an update.

He reached out today apologising for being absent. There were some initial difficulties post-birth, so he’s been (rightfully) focused heavily on the newborn’s health. I told him to take all the time he needs and wishing them all well.

And I think we should probably put this thread to bed now.

Yes and now back off and leave them to it.

Most people on this thread have been supportive so get on with your own life.

I think it's your intense friendship that needs putting to bed really.

@Nisse23

I thought I’d come back with an update.

He reached out today apologising for being absent. There were some initial difficulties post-birth, so he’s been (rightfully) focused heavily on the newborn’s health. I told him to take all the time he needs and wishing them all well.

And I think we should probably put this thread to bed now.

Ah good now you know baby is OK you can leave them alone.

@Nisse23

I thought I’d come back with an update.

He reached out today apologising for being absent. There were some initial difficulties post-birth, so he’s been (rightfully) focused heavily on the newborn’s health. I told him to take all the time he needs and wishing them all well.

And I think we should probably put this thread to bed now.

I sincerely hope you are going to give this guy a wide berth in future .

Leave them alone.

IM in Scandinavia too OP (copenhagen) — the men are very family minded compared to UK and yes whilst they are more relaxed about friendships of the opposite sex the women are extremely feisty because they have a lot more security than the UK- they really don’t stand for any nonsense. I suspect this guy has been less than truthful with you and his wife was unaware of meet ups, exactly how much texting was going on and suddenly became aware. The fact is you may indeed think it’s just a nice friendship, most women will not see this level of intensity that way at all and they will not be ok with it. That’s all you need to know — back off and see if he gets in touch and even if he does then dial it back to occasional contact and not to me what look like dates. Does your own partner not care about all this contact and meeting up or doesn’t he know?? You need to meet new people so you aren’t just focussing on one person and preferably not married men

“ I asked him in advance what I should expect from him in the first month’’

You sound like you were in a innapropriate relationship with him, emotional affair territory. His wife may have reslised and put her foot diwn. Leave him alone you’ll only make a fool of yourself.

Wow get a grip op . In your head your having an emotional affair . He loves his wife and they just had another child . If I was his wife I'd be putting a stop to it too . You sound rather obsessed with him. He doesn't like you op if he did he would leave his wife but guess what ..... they never do so grow up and move on

You were clearly more than friends or wanted to be. And to have an app that only you and he communicated on is very weird. I think he realised after his baby was born how much he'd been disrespecting his wife, or got found out, or both.

An app that only you talk on🧐 as a wife with children I imagine his wife has told him how completely out of line he is being.

I would concentrate on your own life and leave him to his wife and children

@Incognito32

Not a single friend - NOT ONE - asked me 'what should they expect' during the first month of my child's life and whether I'd need space/disappear for a bit.

And right there OP is where you know just how absolutely inappropriate this "friendship" is.

My husband has 'female friends' - that I don't know from work - they sent cards and presents to the both of us after our baby because friends do normal things and they aren't 'secret'.

This!

I'm going to come on here and create a thread about my emotional affair and hope people tell me to go for it and that I've done nothing inappropriate and that I'm so considerate to say a married man should take all the time he needs with his family. Wow.

It's the fact that he has an account he only messages you on that makes me a bit uncomfortable about this, along with everything else.
Could he maybe have felt you were becoming a bit too needy? That's how it comes across to me.
I know if it were my husband I wouldn't be happy at all about this situation. I think you need to back off and concentrate on your relationship with your own partner and let him concentrate on his wife and family.