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Original poster

If a man said 'she's no Scarlett Johansson' about you

359 replies

Onthetoadagain · 12/03/2022 08:55

Hi, just wanting a sense check on a new man. We have been getting on great but I can't shake a slight feeling about him he said something last night and I felt really upset.

He asked me what I had been telling my friends about him, and I told him the nice things I had said. He proceeded to say he had been saying to a friend that he was happy to be with me, some good points, but that 'she is no (say) Scarlett Johansson but I like her a lot'.

I'm not saying I have supermodel looks but I'm a young looking 30-something and get a lot of compliments so it feels like a bit of a knock! I just don't get why he had to compare me to a movie star, or anyone at all, and find me lacking! As in why would he be expecting to meet an A list star?! Would anyone else be deflated by this?

Am I right in thinking that saying 's/he is no Brad Pitt/ Cindy Crawford/ whoever' just means 's/he's not great looking'?

Again, not saying I am Marilyn Monroe but is this a bit weird. Surely if he was happy to be with me he would only say nice things? He's generally very complimentary about my looks so I just don't get why he had to be backhanded in this way.

I have self esteem and boundary issues hence asking.

OP posts:
Spacecadetagain · 12/03/2022 18:50

It’s either designed to put you in your place to massage his frail ego so that you end up jumping through hoops desperately trying to get compliments from him
Or
You are his “you’ll do for now woman “
Either way - kick him to the kerb , you deserve much better than this

FurStories · 12/03/2022 19:49

To add, OP, if he can’t appreciate you as a real, live, woman in front of him, there is something wrong right there.

Personally, people who are overly-focused on (often bland modern) celebrities, I think there’s something wrong with them. Often ‘real’, flawed, but authentic, alive people are much more attractive when you get down to it.

Else for whatever reason they cannot appreciate you, or you’re not their type etc, it doesn’t matter.

I believe being authentically who you are is most often attractive all by itself, to those who can ‘see’ you. Zero A-list makeover unnecessary…

springtimeishereagain · 12/03/2022 19:53

@SamphiretheStickerist

I'd have probably blurted "and you're no Rhett Butler" and left him wondering if I was dumb enough not to know who Scarlett Johansson is or if he'd just been insulted back.

He is rude. Self assured, confident that you'll react in a way that is beneficial to him.

Not one to keep. Throw him back.

Scarlett Johansson is an actor.

Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara are fictional characters in Gone with the Wind...

GalactatingGoddess · 12/03/2022 19:56

As others have said, classic pick up artist negging.

Make you feel a bit shit about yourself so you appreciate him more and don't think about having other options.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 12/03/2022 20:39

I'm no Carol Kirkwood which is why I chucked my ex!

di2004 · 12/03/2022 20:59

I agree with Pammie .. a very weird thing to say. Give him a wide berth!

Nouveaunew · 12/03/2022 23:39

And this is why we still need feminism

dunno. I really feel shit about this and want to run. It's just hard because it was going so well and we seemed to really like each other

Heed the red flag and don’t be posting back here in 3 years time about how you wish you had tuned in early on.

What a dick

TheBigPeach · 12/03/2022 23:43

Can’t believe he actually told you that that’s a terrible thing to say to someone you are dating. So hurtful

Think I’d have to dump him and say sorry but I’m used to dating better looking.

ladygindiva · 12/03/2022 23:58

@Maunderingdrunkenly

????? Mate dump him he’s negging you
I agree
Downunderduchess · 13/03/2022 02:23

He sounds like a fuckwit. There was no need for him to tell you that. At best he is tactless and at worst deliberately hurtful.

Onthedunes · 13/03/2022 02:33

Well he's no Albert Einstein is he ?

He's a fool, why would you want to date an idiot.

Libertybear80 · 13/03/2022 02:41

Sounds like he told you this to subtly undermine your confidence and to try to make you think he usually dates better looking women. That way he can make you think you’re lucky to be with him.

This^

MinceAndTatties · 13/03/2022 04:01

In absolutely any context that's shitty behaviour with a new partner (and likely any partner). You don't have the track record to risk bants based on taking the piss and even if he thought that, even if he actually said that to his mates deciding to repeat it to you is a conscious choice to put you down.

Fuck that, life's too short.

whenohwhen101 · 13/03/2022 04:22

@LizzieSiddal

He said a horrible thing about you to his friends and then told you he’d done it!!

So that’s two 🚩

He’s not a nice person, get rid of him.

I would agree with this.
AnnieandMiri · 13/03/2022 05:01

Is he doing that thing where men try to give you an insult at the same time as a compliment in order to create low self-esteem and make you feel you should be grateful he is with you? I can't remember the name. Anyway, it sounds like this. I'd be furious.

Chocolattay · 13/03/2022 05:06

Get rid

LadyPropane · 13/03/2022 05:10

Very strange thing to tell someone that you've said about them. I can't see how you could interpret this in any way other than he's doing it on purpose. Whether that's to keep you on your toes/keep you down/bad joke or he's just an unpleasant twat, I don't know. But you can be sure that he's told you something hurtful intentionally for some reason or an other. I don't think any of the possible reasons are positive and it would make me rethink the whole thing.

Feather12 · 13/03/2022 05:15

I'm a young looking 30-something
Scarlett Johansson is almost 40 and stunning. Maybe he likes more sophisticated women? Looking young is not necessarily desirable.

mathanxiety · 13/03/2022 05:16

Don't tell him you can't move past what he said. That makes him think you're the problem.

Tell him it's not you, it's him.

Then block.

Negging is what sad, inadequate little men do.

bridgi70 · 13/03/2022 05:30

Why do women continue to put up with shitty men and make excuses for them and find reasons for their shitty behaviour.

lothermand · 13/03/2022 05:46

For me, when someone says "what did you tell your friends/family about me" tells me they are insecure, lack confidence, and quite immature.

For him to relay "she's no what's her face" to you is terribly disrespectful (I'm being generous here) I would be most likely to tell him, in a 'Scarlet Johanssen' hushed voice to fuck right off!

What an absolute wankerHmm

DO NOT let this twat undermine you.

FFS I'd LOVE to go on a date with him..I'd put him straight!!

PurpleFlower1983 · 13/03/2022 05:56

Dump and move on, what an arse!

kmbegs · 13/03/2022 05:56

I think this is a massive red flag and if you keep seeing him could end up in a scary place. I would end it and tell him why. Find someone who thinks scarlett Johansson has nothing on you!

JedEye · 13/03/2022 06:03

He is not good enough for you. You can do way better. Dump him and don’t look back.

RedRobin100 · 13/03/2022 06:09

That’s really grim OP - get rid

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