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Original poster

Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

605 replies

Milomonster · 10/03/2022 21:22

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

OP posts:
Original poster
Milomonster · 10/03/2022 22:37

@AddictedToOlives intelligent, articulate, elegant man. All his previous texts have been well-composed. He came across in person how he conducted himself on text ie decent and kind. There were no red flags before this text, but I don’t get why it took 20 mins to write it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/03/2022 22:38

@Dee00

I wouldn’t sack him off just yet. He could just be trying too hard to sound like he’s got a busy social life & lots of friends. Or, he could be being honest, he might be busy and can’t see you 3 times a week.

Stick around for a second date, if he likes you he will make time for you no matter how busy he is.

It's so depressing to think that any woman's standards would be this low.
Namechangeof2021 · 10/03/2022 22:38

I would definitely ask him to clarify what exactly he means. It's not clear.

Yes he's supposedly such a busy man bla bla bla, but does that mean he isn't interested in reasonably frequent dates?

Does he only want to meet up once every few months?

Is he telling you that he won't be able to be relied upon to keep to arrangements once plans are in place?

He sounds far too vague and waffly for me but if you like him then don't immediately discount him, see what his next message says and go from there.

frostedfruit · 10/03/2022 22:38

I may be being very cynical here but I think that is a pre-written, general message that he send to every person he has had a date with. Then he's free to keep everyone in their little boxes.

Jansobieski · 10/03/2022 22:39

Only you know what he was like on your date. Rest of us are just making unfounded presumptions. God knows how a random MNetter can pronounce someone a narcissist on the basis of a text message Confused
He may be tosser, might not. If you do meet up again, go in with your eyes fully opened and get to the bottom of what he meant. When you mentioned up thread that you were really busy that weekend maybe he felt a bit of a billy no mates ?

BikiniB0tt0m · 10/03/2022 22:39

Umm I would reply with "Ah well you've missed your window of opportunity with me" haha not really, I probably just say "ok nice to have met you I guess it's not mean to be." Too much hassle that one, by the sound of it.

lilmishap · 10/03/2022 22:40

@TheBigDilemma

Maybe he’s worried I’m too interesting and busy for him, and threw a bit of reverse psychology into the pot.

Nah… definitely NOT that. Men are not like that, unless they are too insecure and in such case the same applies: RUN

Disagree. No one announces that friends mock them for having such an active life....unless they don't have friends or an active life.

Is his wife housebound? I'd ask outright.

Macaroni46 · 10/03/2022 22:41

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping I was thinking the same about the 'too'! He'd have to be let go just for that 😂
On a serious note, he sounds pompous and up himself. He's not going to make seeing you a priority so what's the point. I'd bin him off.

Ocsetldil · 10/03/2022 22:42

You need to read Men are From Mars.

Original poster
Milomonster · 10/03/2022 22:42

@lilmishap he said he’s divorced. He spoke about it. No hint that he was lying. I could tell he was affected by the experience.

OP posts:
lilmishap · 10/03/2022 22:43

[quote Milomonster]@AddictedToOlives intelligent, articulate, elegant man. All his previous texts have been well-composed. He came across in person how he conducted himself on text ie decent and kind. There were no red flags before this text, but I don’t get why it took 20 mins to write it.[/quote]
Eh? No red flags but he's intelligent articulate elegant and single???? Well composed texts are indicative of a manipulative person as well as a great texter.....but a great texter wouldn't take twenty minutes.

Crikeyalmighty · 10/03/2022 22:43

I think sadly he’s partnered up OP and managing your expectations very early on— windows of opportunity will be partner is away/working late/ etc

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/03/2022 22:43

but I don’t get why it took 20 mins to write it.

It might not have. I sometimes start a message on WhatsApp then get sidetracked by DS wanting something or breaking something. By the time I get back it looks like I spent 15 minutes typing "OK, what time suits you?"

Anyway, it doesn't matter how long he took - run like the wind.

ChameFangeNail · 10/03/2022 22:43

That’s a lot of words he’s used to say: “don’t call me, I’ll call you…(maybe)”.

Even if you are okay with meeting for a drink and a shag once every ten days, it’s deeply unsexy for him to so explicitly spell out the fact that you’re essentially an afterthought for him.

He must think an awful lot of himself, and very little of you, if he believes there is nothing wrong with sending a message like that.

Also; he sounds married.

lilmishap · 10/03/2022 22:44

[quote Milomonster]@lilmishap he said he’s divorced. He spoke about it. No hint that he was lying. I could tell he was affected by the experience.[/quote]
He can tell you what he wants and create the impression it mattered. Your spidey senses are going for some reason and I would trust them.

Original poster
Milomonster · 10/03/2022 22:44

@lilmishap agree. I meant before wanky text, no obvious red flags. Just came across as normal and decent.

OP posts:
k80pie · 10/03/2022 22:45

That is awful, sorry OP! I would just not go there at all. He's already trying to get you to agree to settle for less! Don't even reply

viques · 10/03/2022 22:45

I think it means keep a pair of spare knickers in your bag for when he has half an hour spare to call .......

Onlinetherapist · 10/03/2022 22:47

“That’s fine, I have quite a few dates lined up so won’t be available much myself”

Sportslady44 · 10/03/2022 22:47

Don't reply. No response is a response

5thnonblonde · 10/03/2022 22:48

OP when I met my (now husband) on OLD he was crazy busy as one kid was competing nationally in their sport and all over the country both EOW and mid week and he was in the end stages of his firm renovating a local public building. He sent me some broadly similar messages (not one big essay it was more a dialogue) but included links to his son’s team’s fixture page and had already shared some tweets and publicity about the work. It was specific and time bound and I didn’t get the feeling he was hiding anything- I was excited to have a bit more insight into his life I guess. Plus sending it in a chattier way meant I asked lots of qs without feeling like I was interrogating him or putting forward some sort of case/position

I mean, I think he sounds married tbh. But even if he wasn’t the way he’s handled this (my way or nothing) would piss me off

Beachbreak2411 · 10/03/2022 22:48

Reckon we’ve dated the same person OP 😂

Lorw · 10/03/2022 22:48

He’s married/has a partner OP and wants to try fit you in between, atleast that’s what it sounds like. I’d say trust your instincts.

lilmishap · 10/03/2022 22:49

Reply "That's fine just make sure you answer my video calls I like em late at night, when I'm in bed just before I crash out, I won't encroach on your daytime at all"
See what the response is.
Everyone single is free before they go to sleep (apart from hookup nights)

trackerby · 10/03/2022 22:50

He told you he had a free weekend. You told him you didn't.

Ego dented.