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Original poster

Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

605 replies

Milomonster · 10/03/2022 21:22

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

OP posts:
AddictedToOlives · 10/03/2022 22:50

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea

I read this as....

So I need to be completely open with you

  • this is like saying 'to be honest' generally means the complete opposite

and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance.

  • i wont be going on a nice date with you again soon, or often, or maybe at all

I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual.

  • im shagging other women

I’m sure you do to, which I think is great.

  • i dont care if you shag other men

Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you.

  • the last person i dated found out and hates me

My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure.

  • all my mates know Im a serial shagger

Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.

  • are you up to being one of booty calls?
Oh…. Now I feel naive… maybe this…?

Previously posted give him a chance - thought you should wait and see how it turned out. But the above rings true…

No wonder you asked for advice OP, I don’t know what to think either…

Still want you to let us know in couple of weeks though what you decided to reply, or do. Please title your update ‘align our schedules’ or ‘window of opportunity’ so we don’t miss it 🤣

Many thanks - and good luck, if you do go for 2nd date (I must be eternally optimistic and trusting)

userxx · 10/03/2022 22:51

@Sportslady44

Don't reply. No response is a response

Absolutely this. What a knob.

Hen2018 · 10/03/2022 22:51

His poor writing would put me off.

Also - what a twat.

Hope90x · 10/03/2022 22:51

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea

I read this as....

So I need to be completely open with you

  • this is like saying 'to be honest' generally means the complete opposite

and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance.

  • i wont be going on a nice date with you again soon, or often, or maybe at all

I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual.

  • im shagging other women

I’m sure you do to, which I think is great.

  • i dont care if you shag other men

Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you.

  • the last person i dated found out and hates me

My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure.

  • all my mates know Im a serial shagger

Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.

  • are you up to being one of booty calls?
Haha spot on!!

Send him this exact breakdown, for the laughs 😂

Beautiful3 · 10/03/2022 22:52

I think that it means that he won't make you a priory, just a booty call whenever he has time. I don't like it, at all.

stripeyflowers · 10/03/2022 22:52

What a great, steaming pile of horseshit.

lilmishap · 10/03/2022 22:52

Throw in the possibility of some 'funtime' video calls and any hesitation is your answer.
All players come across as decent until you get that first tingle that something is amiss, then you realise the whole thing was.

Flyinggeese1234 · 10/03/2022 22:52

OP what do you want to do? Maybe just reply with something very short along the lines of ‘OK thank you for letting me know’. And then just see what he says?

Just be in your guard and carry on with any other dates etc.

He may have had experience of people being too demanding/expecting daily messaging etc and he’s not comfortable with that. He’s messed up here though as the wording is awful.

Flyinggeese1234 · 10/03/2022 22:53

I mean carry on with meeting others if that’s what you’d like to do.

Iamadietstarter · 10/03/2022 22:53

oh OP he's playing you like a song.

His modus operandi, is be so lovely on the first date that you will actually believe the crappy text he sends the next day. If you want a booty call - your goods stick with it. If you want any more walk away now and see the writing on the wall.

Enough4me · 10/03/2022 22:53

When I was online dating, when a man said he was very busy and would be in touch I'd say I'm busy too. Then I'd give him space and carry on with family/friends/work and if he didn't step up to show interest in meeting after a week I'd acknowledge our schedules didn't work and try online dating again.

Funnily enough every time I walked away and was looking online again I'd get a "how are you/I miss you text", but I knew to just wish them well as being someone's vague option is not being of any real value to them.

When I met my partner we positively planned time together when we could, rather than moaning about busy schedules.

PinkCheetah · 10/03/2022 22:54

It already sounds like hard work and after just the first date. And he grates on me. LTB.

k80pie · 10/03/2022 22:54

Also - if he was genuinely really busy - he would still move heaven and earth to see you, if he was truly into you.

There is NO way you would get a lame-ass message like that.

Hen2018 · 10/03/2022 22:56

After more thought, I’ve composed my reply, after which I would block him:

*too

AddictedToOlives · 10/03/2022 22:56

[quote Milomonster]@AddictedToOlives intelligent, articulate, elegant man. All his previous texts have been well-composed. He came across in person how he conducted himself on text ie decent and kind. There were no red flags before this text, but I don’t get why it took 20 mins to write it.[/quote]
I think it took 20 mins because either he got distracted away from phone for a while…
OR
He really likes you and worried about what to put (but cocked it up)

Cocogreen · 10/03/2022 22:56

I don't think it's a terrible message as such except for the " life full of adventure" which makes him sound like a total wanker.
I think he's on OLD to build up a harem of women he can ring when he's got available time. If you're not available he'd go on to the next one on his list.
I'd pass on him.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/03/2022 22:58

Just sounds to me as if he doesn't want to be tied down to the normal 'expectations' of an exclusive relationship. Nothing wrong with that as long as they're up front about it, and he was. It doesn't necessarily mean he's looking strictly for booty calls. Maybe he just doesn't want to be tied down for other reasons. There are other reasons for wanting to be single than being a serial shagger. There are many women on MN who have said 'never again' to marriage or a serious relationship, but who would still like to date or have a 'companion'. No one accuses them of being serial shaggers looking for booty calls.

If you're looking for an exclusive, potentially long term relationship then he's not for you. But if all you want is a date now and again and you enjoyed his company, why not see him if/when you're both free? Sex is optional. And feel free to date other people.

Honeyroar · 10/03/2022 23:00

No wonder he’s got no time to “align” with anyone if he’s typing flowery bollocky shite to everyone he goes on one date with!

AddictedToOlives · 10/03/2022 23:01

@lilmishap

Reply "That's fine just make sure you answer my video calls I like em late at night, when I'm in bed just before I crash out, I won't encroach on your daytime at all" See what the response is. Everyone single is free before they go to sleep (apart from hookup nights)
Actually really good point - I’m going to remember this when I’m trying to suss out who might really be married… thanks!
Bringsexyback · 10/03/2022 23:02

He sounds like a pillock, ive got the ick just from your description

SofiaSoFar · 10/03/2022 23:03

He started his message with "So". That's enough to never want to hear from the prick again!

What a knob!

Seemssounfair · 10/03/2022 23:03

"So I need to be completely open with you too, in all my years that is the wankiest text I have ever read, I am literally pissing myself here 🤣 and so are my mates. Thanks for a great night, enjoy your adventures, over and out"

Dreamstate · 10/03/2022 23:05

@AcrossthePond55

Just sounds to me as if he doesn't want to be tied down to the normal 'expectations' of an exclusive relationship. Nothing wrong with that as long as they're up front about it, and he was. It doesn't necessarily mean he's looking strictly for booty calls. Maybe he just doesn't want to be tied down for other reasons. There are other reasons for wanting to be single than being a serial shagger. There are many women on MN who have said 'never again' to marriage or a serious relationship, but who would still like to date or have a 'companion'. No one accuses them of being serial shaggers looking for booty calls.

If you're looking for an exclusive, potentially long term relationship then he's not for you. But if all you want is a date now and again and you enjoyed his company, why not see him if/when you're both free? Sex is optional. And feel free to date other people.

I agree, he is just being upfront and direct, most likely because in the past women have wanted more.

Why does everyone also jump to such negative and nasty conclusions, making up assumptions when there are no other facts.

mycatisannoying · 10/03/2022 23:05

It's basically a vote of no confidence. He's effectively telling you that it will go nowhere.
I wouldn't like this either, OP.
Best of luck x

TatianaBis · 10/03/2022 23:05

Just ask him straight: “what are you trying to say”?