Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

[Milomonster]

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

Thanks for the honesty and I had a great time. If I read your message correctly, you’re saying you probably can’t meet more than once every few weeks and would often cancel including at short notice? I’m sure you understand many people, including me, aren’t up for that.

@Hankunamatata

See I wouldn't let one odd message put you off if date went well. I'd give him another couple of dates. He could be pompous or could be that he is serious about dating and doesnt want to waste your time.

Ok but either way it’s a clear non commitment to dating.

So if it’s doesn’t respond she doesn’t lose but maybe he’ll decide she’s worth more effort.

Or he’s a douche and Op hasn’t invested any more time and emotion on him.

Better to cut him free and see what happens than get dragged along.

Could just be as simple as in the past other women have wanted more time and that isnt the type of relationship he wants which is fine. He wants something more casual in terms and you OP have said the same too. That you also aren't expecting or have time to meet 3 times a week.

So maybe to save the trouble or leading a person on he is just being a bit direct in saying so. Nothing wrong with that.

I would continue to see other people whilst seeing if anything happens with him, after all you only had one date so its not like you can't meet other guys.

I dont think what he wrote is more than just being honest. Least expectations are set so if your looking for more you can go elsewhere. If your on same wavelength as him in terms of how often you meet up, more casual and less often then it could work our fine.

what's breadcrumbing?!

I read this as....

So I need to be completely open with you

• this is like saying 'to be honest' generally means the complete opposite

and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance.

• i wont be going on a nice date with you again soon, or often, or maybe at all

I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual.

• im shagging other women

I’m sure you do to, which I think is great.

• i dont care if you shag other men

Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you.

• the last person i dated found out and hates me

My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure.

• all my mates know Im a serial shagger

Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.

• are you up to being one of booty calls?

I forgot to add, he was typing that message over a 20 minute period (I could tell from “typing” on WhatsApp; he’d a message just before that). It wasn’t spontaneously written, and was giving it a lot of thought. Deffo wasn’t a copy and paste job.

Oooh for me I wouldn't like it , I mean come on we are all busy in our own lives even if it just comes down to work, housework and walking the dogs but the way he writes it makes me think he feels he will be fb you a favour to "fit you " into his busy life schedule

Send him a link to this thread.

@dozyjosie44

Wankiest message ever. He's basically saying he is far too busy and important to be able to prioritise you so don't expect anything from him. He will see you when it suits him.

I'm not surprised it's killed your enthusiasm. It's incredibly off putting. Please don't make yourself available at his beck and call.

This exactly

@Milomonster if he takes that long to compose a message no wonder he's too busy 🙈🤣

@Milomonster

Yes, it was a really odd message! He’s divorced (or so he says). I don’t have time for a full on relationship but putting this out there so quickly killed my enthusiasm.

Love it, means you don't have to waste your time on him :)

I take it to mean I’m busy, my time is more important, if your happy to be available when I click my fingers that’s ace. Any windows of opportunity will be his choice.

@millytint44

what's breadcrumbing?!

Throwing little crumbs of attention to keep Gretel searching for the gingerbread house of a decent relationship

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea

I read this as....

So I need to be completely open with you

• this is like saying 'to be honest' generally means the complete opposite

and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance.

• i wont be going on a nice date with you again soon, or often, or maybe at all

I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual.

• im shagging other women

I’m sure you do to, which I think is great.

• i dont care if you shag other men

Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you.

• the last person i dated found out and hates me

My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure.

• all my mates know Im a serial shagger

Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.

• are you up to being one of booty calls?

Haha !

Yeah just sounds like a player

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea

I read this as....

So I need to be completely open with you

• this is like saying 'to be honest' generally means the complete opposite

and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance.

• i wont be going on a nice date with you again soon, or often, or maybe at all

I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual.

• im shagging other women

I’m sure you do to, which I think is great.

• i dont care if you shag other men

Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you.

• the last person i dated found out and hates me

My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure.

• all my mates know Im a serial shagger

Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.

• are you up to being one of booty calls?

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea Yip - you totally nailed it 👏

I received a text almost the same to the one in the OP from a guy after a fantastic date. My response? “oh never mind, it wasn’t meant to be ” He suddenly found the strength to drop everything and put me first, ALWAYS (I guess it was because I didn’t care).

We have been together for years now and interestingly, one of the things I enjoy the most is getting together with his friends and joining him on his adventures.

But honestly, I still think that my response to that text was honest and correct: if he didn’t care, neither did I. It takes 2 to build a good relationship.

@arethereanyleftatall

To be helpful, you could edit his response with the correct spelling of too, for when he copies and pastes this message again.

This, I was just about to post that is a very well polished piece of bullshit.

Well I was initially going to say prose, but bullshit is more apposite.

The message is even more ridiculous when you consider that he told the op he had no plans at the weekend!!! Please op either don't reply at all, send an 'ok' or just a thumbs up emoji?! If he likes you then he will absolutely message you again in response to that as you're not giving him the attention/reaction he clearly wants!

I'm a busy person and don't have a lot of time for dating. Still managed to find someone lovely via a dating app without sending any wanky self-important messages like this.

His 'tone' reminds me of another poster's ex husband, Gellar. Anyone know who I mean?!

Yep, I've met his type, one date to make you think it's going to develop into something and then you're back to virtual girlfriend because he's so very busy. So many men want the attention, the good night message etc. but don't want to make the effort or interfere with their bachelor lifestyle.

Don't get sucked in, if you want a proper relationship and he wants a virtual one or just the occasional shag then bin him now, it's a waste of time.

I gave them a maximum of two weeks to see how it went but immediately pulled back, reduced how often I messaged and how quickly I replied and let him chase or let it fizzle out. I'd also get back on the apps and distract yourself, it's important not to stop looking until you're confident you're in a relationship.

"I think you mean too

All the best".

He's definitely a narcissistic

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea thank you for the analysis