Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

[Milomonster]

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

I agree with pps, hearing about your busy and interesting life/plans hurt his fragile little ego.
It'd be nice if he'd been grown-up enough to say 'I think I need more plays/exhibitions in my life; can we get to know each other better and you can 'show me a good time'?'

Breadcrumbing? That's a new one on me. Every day's a school day on MN! I would just forget all about him. He sounds like an egotistical wanker.

If that's how he feels (too busy for a full time relationship) I don't see anything wrong with him saying it, but it would be a hard pass from me, because that wouldn't align with what I want from a relationship. And the "I'm full of adventure" or whatever would give me the ick right off.

And I don't think it's unlikely he's actually still married either.

@thnkingaboutoptions

I agree with the others saying he's married. LOADS of men on OLD are married.

Huge red flag if they're "just so busy". They're busy with their wife and family and can only get away occasionally. This man's excuse fits that scenario perfectly.

What's more likely? That he is one of the many, many married men on OLD? Or that his weird text about life being an adventure is genuine?

Out of interest How do you know “LOADS”

[quote Milomonster]@isthismylifenow we went to a bar, and the conversation was flowing so easily. He then asked if I fancied going elsewhere for a meal. We did and it was lovely. When we said goodbye, he gave me a lovely hug and pecked me on my lips a couple of times. Honestly, it was a lovely date from start to finish - no vibe that he didn’t like me. But, given his wanky text, who the fuck knows…. The mid-40s market of men is a tough one to crack.[/quote]
@Milomonster - been there got the tshirt re the mid 40s market of men being tough to crack!

You get the ones who you know exactly why they've been single for ages.

One arrogant man contacted me a year ago on a site - expected me to be impressed with his wealth and property portfolio - I declined his kind offer and a few weeks ago he finds me on Instagram and starts up a conversation - I said no the first time!

Oh dear.

It's a terribly formal and rather egocentric style of saying 'You might hear from me again or you might not, if I can fit you in (around all the other women I'm dating.)

Not read all 19 pages- but if you have not already replied, I'd ignore him.

And 'breadcrumbing'? Never heard it used as a verb.

I assume you are referring to men who often have other women (often wives) on the go and you get the 'crumbs' of what they have left for you?

Text back “cool story bro” and tell him it’s too not to. Twat.

Arrogant and self important , he's obviously got an MO that reals women in , then he puts this out.

Funny that one message cancels out the mega performance he has put in previously, but he's too self obsessed to see it.

Mind, if you are the only one out of , say, five women that will call him out on it, he's not likely to be bothered.

Is English his first language? The message feels stilted and robotic. I teach English as a foreign language and the phrasing sounds off, 'my good friends' - perhaps it's just me, but in general it would def give me the ick

That's written like an email. Very odd. I wouldn't try waste my time personally

@Milomonster

I definitely don’t need daily affirmations and I don’t have time to see someone 3 times a week. We are both divorced and have kids. It’s just odd to make such a declaration the day after meeting someone. The funny thing is when I asked on the date what he had planned for the weekend, he said he had nothing planned. I told him I had a play, dinner, exhibition, a movie, friends planned. I dunno - it’d weird. Maybe he’s worried I’m too interesting and busy for him, and threw a bit of reverse psychology into the pot.

I think it’s his attempt at sarcasm, in response to you saying how busy you were going to be on the weekend….

Oops cross posted, I just saw your update. Great reply, and well done on leaving it there with this guy. He sounded a player or a weirdo (or both!)

In response to the poster who wondered if English was his first language - my first thought is that it sounded American (and yes I know they speak English, but with some slight differences).

It just didn’t sound sound like the sort of language ‘regular English chap’ would use?

It does sound a bit practised doesn’t it. I would send an equally baffling, unambiguous reply and leave it in his court!

@Bostromani yes I’m starting to think that. His performance was perfect until that message. I did wonder if he’d been reading Female Dating Strategy stuff (or whatever the equivalent is for men) as he came across as “high value man” in his behaviour, setting up the date, checking in to see we were still on, how my week was going, etc. I haven’t had a date where a man behaved so well.

Just read your update OP, shame as you had a nice date, but his text to you was very arrogant and presumptuous, assuming that you would of course be interested in him. Glad you responded and told him that wouldn't work for you, good to get closure. Onwards and upwards!

@Coffeepot72 @MushroomQueen he’s not English or American but English is his first language. He’s from the corporate world, which may may explain schedules aligning bollocks and the robotic nature of his message.

I'd be ok with this. I also have a busy life. But only if plans were being made and stuck to - like book something in for 3 weeks tike and stick with it.
This is how I'd feel. Although slightly odd to bring this up after first date.
I'd struggle to get past the 'to'.

That's probably utter bullshit. Bin him off op.

[quote Milomonster]**@Coffeepot72* @MushroomQueen* he’s not English or American but English is his first language. He’s from the corporate world, which may may explain schedules aligning bollocks and the robotic nature of his message.[/quote]
I think the message is one he's got from a book/website (I agree with you, something like the male equivalent of Female Dating Strategy).

It was one date, just move on, go on other dates.

Since when did dating become so complicated ?!?

He's telling you he wants a casual fuck buddy where you can't have any expectations of him actually making any time for you or being reliable in any way. And if you complain - he'll tell you that he made it clear at the outset how busy he was.

He's a twat.

@Obira

He isn’t serious but wants to keep you hanging on so he can call you when he feels like it. I would just say “yeah ok” and be unavailable in future.

This! 100% agree with Obira. Don't be available when he hits you up.

Glad you've binned him.

It does sound like something out of a book. A slightly different version of 'negging'. Lure them in by being the perfect gentleman, and then keep them hanging around while shagging/luring others.

Ick.