Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

[Milomonster]

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

It means you’ll have the occasional shag when his wife is not looking.

It doesn't sound that bad to me 😬 He's just being honest about his availability like I'm assuming you were too. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of free time either. But if you want someone more available to you then fair enough.

Well he's a rather self important twat isn't he op. Let us know what you said back!

I would respond with, "Sorry, WHO is this? Can't say I can place you."

Really explains why he is single.

Awful, off-putting message, but if he took so long typing it and was nice in person then perhaps he really does like you and is trying to make himself seem more busy and exciting so that he will be more attractive to you. Terrible strategy, if so.

However... it's one awkward text. If you really liked him I might give him another chance and see how he actually behaves about organising another date and making time. I don't know what I'd reply, something that shows a chilly reaction, yet leaving it open.

Maybe: Well, we're all busy. Let's just see how it goes.

Urgh I just couldn't even be bothered replying to a message like that. See ya!

Please reply "ok, well, there we are then".
If you reply!

He's sooooo busy and important with all of his gallivanting and adventures, yet he managed to find time to go on a date with you in the first place. I assume you didn't make the appointment with his assistant six months in advance?

I agree with pp that it sounds like he didn't enjoy the date as much as you did, unfortunately. The weird shift to stilted, distant language makes it sound like a brush-off.

It reads like a work email and not particularly well written. You could amend it using strike- through and red text. Make it read like you what he is really trying to say.

Consider it a lucky escape - he’s either married or a narcissist. Genuine men wanting a genuine relationship don’t communicate like that.

Wrong thread 😃

"Dottdoo

I would write back - 'cool xx'

It doesn't give anything away and it can be taken multiple ways - it could mean 'great me too' or it could be sarcastic as in 'yeah alright whatever'. He'll be perplexed that you're so breezy. You have to finish with the kisses otherwise it's straight up arsey.

It'll drive him mad trying to decipher what you meant and I'd love to see what his follow up message is!

If he's not interested he just won't reply. If he comes back pretty quickly or you see a lot of stop, start, typing - then you've won. He's smitten and trying to play it cool.

What did you end up writing back?"

Oooh, I could learn from you!

Either delete and block or just send
👍

Why don't you ask him what he means?

He wants you when he wants you. He's really into himself. He's special. NARC

@MotherofAutism no two weeks, 5 dates
I knew him before our date (talking for maybe 4 months) and it's sort of evolved from there. He's always been thoughtful with stuff when I see him with other people
Just stuff like I said I had a flower subscription joking "no other fucker buys them" and he thought it would be a nice surprise

I've been messed about and love bombed and ghosted and everything else in the book but he seems very you get what you see

A crap way of telling you, that he won't likely be seeing you, until he has a spare couple of hours in 10 months time etc. As you thought it was a good date, he probably set out to charm you, as he likes playing games with women.

@Milomonster

I definitely don’t need daily affirmations and I don’t have time to see someone 3 times a week. We are both divorced and have kids. It’s just odd to make such a declaration the day after meeting someone. The funny thing is when I asked on the date what he had planned for the weekend, he said he had nothing planned. I told him I had a play, dinner, exhibition, a movie, friends planned. I dunno - it’d weird. Maybe he’s worried I’m too interesting and busy for him, and threw a bit of reverse psychology into the pot.

See how it goes? Binning him when you like him over a text seems a bit much. Have it in the back of your head and if he messes you about in the first instance, then let him go.

This won’t be popular: I try not to take advice on relationships with women too much; we think quite differently to men. We tend to overthink/overanalyse. I have lots of brothers/make friends and in instances I have listened to their advice versus my girlfriends, things weren’t as I had overplayed events in my head.

Not saying women can’t give advice but it tends to be reactionary.

Male*

He may well hold all of the positive traits you mentioned in your posts OP, but, if I were you, I'd be very, very wary of this guy.
Simply view him as a casual/occasional hook up whilst you look for other guys. Keep him on the back burner. If he's really interested in you he will up his game. Good luck x

What a shame when you’d had such a nice first date. I agree I wonder if he thought your weekend sounded very exciting when he had said he was doing nothing and was then worried he’d come across as a boring loser.

Anyway, I’d just reply “oh ok then” and wait. Let him make the next move. If he’s keen he will prioritise you. I agree it’s a shame and a dampener though.

He's an absolute bellend.

Glad you haven't fallen for it. He sounds like he's so special

Going against the majority here but I'd be tempted to go on a second date to get to the bottom of the text. Then I'd make the decision whether it was worth continuing with.