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Original poster

Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

605 replies

Milomonster · 10/03/2022 21:22

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

OP posts:
tricky29 · 10/03/2022 23:29

I think I’d say ‘on the same page, nice to meet you.’

alwaysmovingforwards · 10/03/2022 23:31

@Undecidedandtorn

I'd be ok with this. I also have a busy life. But only if plans were being made and stuck to - like book something in for 3 weeks tike and stick with it.
Agreed. When if you’re also juggling a busy career / kids / hobbies, then it sounds perfect.

If you see a relationship as your main thing and expect the other person to also, then nah, you’re not compatible.

Onthedunes · 10/03/2022 23:34

Could you text him back though op. I can't wait for the next message.

Hillarious Grin

Please.

CBAanymoreTBH · 10/03/2022 23:35

Reply...hey there how's you? Phew long message? I'll read it properly when I get time. Laters.

FannyFifer · 10/03/2022 23:37

I think my response to that wld be something like "this sounds far too much hassle for me so think I'll just leave it there. "

LongSummers · 10/03/2022 23:37

Hi OP, big red flags here, block and move on!

Dottdoo · 10/03/2022 23:39

I would write back - 'cool xx'

It doesn't give anything away and it can be taken multiple ways - it could mean 'great me too' or it could be sarcastic as in 'yeah alright whatever'. He'll be perplexed that you're so breezy. You have to finish with the kisses otherwise it's straight up arsey.

It'll drive him mad trying to decipher what you meant and I'd love to see what his follow up message is!

If he's not interested he just won't reply. If he comes back pretty quickly or you see a lot of stop, start, typing - then you've won. He's smitten and trying to play it cool.

What did you end up writing back?

TinShelter01 · 10/03/2022 23:40

I think if it sounds like a template that's been said before to other women, it probably has been. This kind of bloke makes OLD even more demoralizing than the 'my kids are my world' morons, who pose with a fish with their shirts off. He's good looking and has sufficient qualities to pull off a great first date. That crappy message has probably worked in the past on other women, at least for a little while.

I personally would love to text back the line the American guy says to Basil in Fawlty Towers after Basil makes a long flowery bollocks speech: ''Well, hot dog. What a bunch of crap''.

FantasticFebruary · 10/03/2022 23:42

@toastfiend

What a pompous way of telling you that he's going to be an inflexible nightmare who never prioritises seeing you.

I'd be chucking him back, OP, not least because I couldn't be arsed reading that kind of waffle every time he wanted to explain to me why I was bottom of his list of priorities.

^ exactly that!!
bluebell34567 · 10/03/2022 23:44

@Dottdoo

I would write back - 'cool xx'

It doesn't give anything away and it can be taken multiple ways - it could mean 'great me too' or it could be sarcastic as in 'yeah alright whatever'. He'll be perplexed that you're so breezy. You have to finish with the kisses otherwise it's straight up arsey.

It'll drive him mad trying to decipher what you meant and I'd love to see what his follow up message is!

If he's not interested he just won't reply. If he comes back pretty quickly or you see a lot of stop, start, typing - then you've won. He's smitten and trying to play it cool.

What did you end up writing back?

good advice
MotherofAutism · 10/03/2022 23:45

@Thatsplentyjack

Just text back "ok"
And just agree to be his 'back burner' bit on the side!? Are you for real!?!?! Shock
Appalonia · 10/03/2022 23:47

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea

I read this as....

So I need to be completely open with you

  • this is like saying 'to be honest' generally means the complete opposite

and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance.

  • i wont be going on a nice date with you again soon, or often, or maybe at all

I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual.

  • im shagging other women

I’m sure you do to, which I think is great.

  • i dont care if you shag other men

Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you.

  • the last person i dated found out and hates me

My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure.

  • all my mates know Im a serial shagger

Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.

  • are you up to being one of booty calls?
On God I think I love you, that was so spot on! And hilarious
Changechangychange · 10/03/2022 23:48

@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey

It means you will be his " booty call "
Yep this I’m afraid. That might not be his explicit intention, but it sounds like that will be the reality.
Pluvia · 10/03/2022 23:49

@Milomonster

I definitely don’t need daily affirmations and I don’t have time to see someone 3 times a week. We are both divorced and have kids. It’s just odd to make such a declaration the day after meeting someone. The funny thing is when I asked on the date what he had planned for the weekend, he said he had nothing planned. I told him I had a play, dinner, exhibition, a movie, friends planned. I dunno - it’d weird. Maybe he’s worried I’m too interesting and busy for him, and threw a bit of reverse psychology into the pot.
You asked him what he had lined up for the weekend and he said nothing. You then reeled off a list of rather impressive things you've got booked and made yourself sound very busy.

Wonder whether he felt like a bit of a saddo when you revealed your social plans so this was his (rather pathetic) way of putting you in your place? Is he projecting back on you what you made him feel? Is he assuming you'll think he's a sad loser because he's got nothing on this weekend and so you'll not be interested in him, so he's doing this 'I'm too busy to see you' number as a preemptive strike?

It's a ruddy miracle that two people ever manage to communicate clearly, isn't it?

Rno3gfr · 10/03/2022 23:49

Bugger that. I’m no ones 5th activity in line.

MotherofAutism · 10/03/2022 23:50

@Octomingo

Send him this: "OK. Well,

There
We
Are
Then"

THIS!!!!!!!!! ⬆️
How2Help · 10/03/2022 23:54

If you do continue seeing him:

  • be as unavailable as him. It can’t be that your life moulds to fit his availability, there needs to be give on his side too.
  • watch out for lateness, cancellations, change of plans etc.

Your mental health and self esteem will be eroded if you are not very careful here.

MotherofAutism · 10/03/2022 23:56

@pawpaws2022

Could not be bothered with that I've been messed about so much before. Went on a first date last week. Know what he did after? Sent me flowers and asked when he could see me again He has two businesses, lives in another town and has a daughter and I've now been on 5 dates with him He ALWAYS finds times for me, even if he's working like the other night and couldn't come over. I was having a bad day, so he ordered me a cake delivery Blush He's made me realise how easy it can be
That's lovely ☺️ However, did I read that right? 5 dates in a week? Plus flowers and a cake delivery? You say he "always" finds time for you? This is meant kindly - it's been a week, lovely. There's not much 'always' in a week. Just be careful. If I did get that right, then it sounds like he's love bombing you. Take it much more slowly or it'll be far too much far too soon Thanks
Dawnofthefed · 10/03/2022 23:57

He sounds up his own ass to me. He wouldn't be for me.

Ladybyrd · 10/03/2022 23:57

Nope. He's asking your approval to put you on the back burner, letting you know from the get-go that you will never be a priority, and can't expect a real relationship with him. He's a dick. You should expect better. I wouldn't even respond to that.

tolerable · 11/03/2022 00:00

wtf is breadcruming..? hes put you in a to do list

StringFellow · 11/03/2022 00:03

Ugh sounds so bloody self important!

oakleaffy · 11/03/2022 00:06

“My wife and kids take up too much of my time”

Beware lying men
Ex SIL dated a man so say a hotshot Lawyer living in Hampstead, divorced, no kids.

Turned out he’s married, two DC, lives in Barnet.
Mundane office job.

Appalonia · 11/03/2022 00:07

I'd be tempted to text back, thanks, but I'm not your beck and call girl!

Laniania · 11/03/2022 00:07

He sounds like a tit.