Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

[Milomonster]

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

Apart from sounding like an utter twat who is absolutely full of their own self importance, it also reads a bit like a template that he rolls out to everyone he goes on a first date with!

His message is very pretentious and a bit controlling. I’d give him a miss OP.

I would outright ignore that message. It's weird and confusing.

If he followed up referring to it I would ignore.

If he followed up suggesting a great date I might go depending on how much I liked him and if we were getting on well and the topic came up, I'd simply say "it was such a strange message" then go silent and await an explanation.

@Milomonster

Yes, it was a really odd message! He’s divorced (or so he says). I don’t have time for a full on relationship but putting this out there so quickly killed my enthusiasm.

I can see why it would. Either -

• he's dated very full-on women and doesn't want the same experience again
• he's telling you 'Look, you're not going to be top priority in my life. You need to accept that. Just letting you know because it's been a problem in the past for women'.
• he didn't enjoy your date as much as you did as sees you more as casual fling or sex material rather than a woman he's going to invest significant time with. He's testing the boundaries to see if you're going be ok with that.

Milo, if he were interested in getting to know you, he would not have sent that silly message.

If you fancy someone, you make time for them regardless of being busy. Interested people act interested. Sounds like he's laying it out for you to not expect much from him, not going to take accountability for his actions and everything on his terms (most likely just sex as and when is convenient for him) then pin everything on him 'being busy' which 'he made you aware of at the beginning'. I'd say something like "Oh that's a shame, as I enjoyed your company too but that's not really my idea of starting to get to know someone. Best of luck!" Then move on. He'll most likely backtrack but I'm not sure I'd be keen contunuing to see a guy who's telling me he'll only have time for me according to his schedule

I think the best you can hope for is if a friend of his has written it.

A sort or Cyrano De Bergerac situation (Roxanne)

Otherwise if he's written that, well I think I'd have to correspond a little more just for the shits and giggles of his messages.

Christ you'd be forever laughing at him if you went out together.

'hope we can align our schedules'

Lol. That made me laugh.

Life is too short for such mindgames. Exit stage left.

An odd message!

He does seem to be trying to manage your expections - whether he is being honest or 'being honest'.

Perhaps he is worried that you have too full a life and so trying to make you jump to attention - heart leaping with gratutude - whenever his window opens for you.

You can wait and see; time will tell. Just don't get too attached to this one.

@Obira

He isn’t serious but wants to keep you hanging on so he can call you when he feels like it. I would just say “yeah ok” and be unavailable in future.

This^

@Seemssounfair

"So I need to be completely open with you too, in all my years that is the wankiest text I have ever read, I am literally pissing myself here 🤣 and so are my mates. Thanks for a great night, enjoy your adventures, over and out"

Love this

‘OK, I wish you all the best with that’

Fuck that. Entitled dick

I’d mentally check out and be tempted to ask ‘How do people usually respond to this?’ and see if he shows some true PUA colours

If you want to and can manage to keep it impersonal just keep him as a fuck buddy. But expect him to try and mess with your head

If you like each other, I'm sure you will find a way to make time for each other. He's telling you his time is limited. You choose yourself whether this acceptable to you. Judge him how you find him and not on the opinions of internet people

He's looking for a fuck buddy.
I would delete and block.
He might be married too.
He sounds like a complete wanker.

@Seemssounfair

@5thnonblonde yeah I lost all enthusiasm after that message. I was just curious what it meant.

That is such a pompous message. The language is so inappropriate as a follow up to a first date: "align schedules' 'require patience' 'active individual' 'windows of opportunity'? It's so stiff and formal. Most telling of all, it shows zero interest in how you actually felt the date had gone, zero interest in what you are up to etc.

I would ignore it. Just don't reply. Or send, 'Thanks for your message. I'm pretty busy too. Best wishes.'

I would reply

Thank goodness you sent that message.
We had a great date and I can only assume my bullshitometer had the night off.
Normal service resumed now though. Bye!

@MrJollyLivesNextDoor

It's the wanky choice of language that's so offputting to me

And then there's also the mismatch between how he seemed in real life and what he just wrote.

I'd text back something vague. And then just leave it.

If he's just had some sort of drastic foot-in-mouth moment, then you might see frantic efforts to get things back to normal. I wouldn't hold my breath though, and would just gomforward with new opportunities

@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey

It means you will be his " booty call "

This

@gingerhills

That is such a pompous message. The language is so inappropriate as a follow up to a first date: "align schedules' 'require patience' 'active individual' 'windows of opportunity'? It's so stiff and formal. Most telling of all, it shows zero interest in how you actually felt the date had gone, zero interest in what you are up to etc.

I would ignore it. Just don't reply. Or send, 'Thanks for your message. I'm pretty busy too. Best wishes.'

This.

He's completely hatstand.