husband watching porn behind my back

[ladycoleman]

married 29 yrs and still my husband watches porn ..don't know why ??

Unless there are issues in your relationship and he’s in some way neglecting you, I wouldn’t worry about it. Lots of men and women watch porn or visual images for titillation, but it doesn’t mean anything. You can’t prevent someone else being themselves but if it’s an issue for you, you can end the relationship and find someone who doesn’t watch it.

Have you explained how it makes you feel?

Sorry but they almost all do.
Some women haven't realised that, because their partners hide it. But they watch it.
Unfortunately it's just the 'norm' these days. They don't care what you think when they're horny.

If your having a regular sex life then I understand your disappointment in this. If your not then i quess its better then him actually cheating with another woman. If your not happy with the situation then please dont just accept it, get rid of him.

Sadly it’s completely normal now.

Personally I think porn is a reprehensible business. Dehumanises women and promotes abuse. However, I think the percentage of men in the UK that don’t watch on a regular basis would be around 5%.

Not excusing it at all. It’s just how it is. A 50 year old wanking over a teenager whose life is now fucked forever is disgusting.

Totally agree @Wavypurple. Utterly sickening that so many men think it's acceptable to support the abuse and degradation of women.

It is sad that so many women seem to accept the narrative that it is 'normal' and something that all men do and that we should just accept it...

Porn is doing so much harm to relationships not because there is anything wrong per se with wanting to look at sexual images but because the type of visuals that porn shows is almost always degrading and violent towards women.

It normalises rough sex and gives a completely distorted image of what having sex looks like.

So it is completely normal too for the OP to have issues with porn and to discuss that with her partner if she wants to.

@Wavypurple

Agreed. It's grim.

I'd leave.

Porn is quick and easy and takes hardly any effort, it’s different from actually having sex. I don’t see a problem with it unless you have specifically told him you don’t want him to do it?

It's the latest new low for men... A lot of women DON'T like it but I daresay put up with it. So it's the new low bar for us too.

They don’t realise that it’s a viscous circle too OP— I’ve got this issue with H too who is late 50’s. (all in secret) Has utterly put me off sex with him and absolutely buggered any respect. I have made my views clear too in general conversation- but he doesn’t know that I know

Not all men watch it. Most do. But they’ve been conditioned to watch it sadly.

OP you haven’t described what you find so difficult about it, suddenly, after so many years of tolerating it?

Is it a deal breaker for you? Does he know you don't like this about him?

yes I tell him how I feel but the thing is he denies it all the time

From a male perspective - if my DW told me I should not look at sexual images, including porn, just because she did not want me to I think I would see that as controlling and unreasonable. But if she said she was unhappy with some aspect of our sex life then that would be different, that would certainly make me consider whether using porn was damaging our relationship.

They don’t realise that it’s a viscous circle too OP— I’ve got this issue with H too who is late 50’s. (all in secret) Has utterly put me off sex with him and absolutely buggered any respect.

Could have written this word for word. My relationship will never be the same thanks to porn. I would not choose to date a man who watches porn. Now married (for a significant number of years) with dc, I feel like I've inheritied this problem and struggling to move past it.

Yep, the contempt takes over.

It doesn't help that men who watch porn are invariably shit in bed.

Some men and women view pornographic material and are excellent partners, but if yours is not, speak to them and move on if it doesn’t improve. If you just don’t like it, you also have the right to leave. Why stay with them if they/their behaviour make you so unhappy? You can’t force them to change and it would be quite controlling to expect this, so why hang around?

If I found out my DP was watching porn, i would not hesitate to get rid of him. I don't care if its considered 'controlling' to not agree to your partner watching porn. Its a disgusting industry causing so much damage to women and young girls. And also to young men who think some of that shit is normal.

Its a firm boundary for me. If he crosses it, hes out. I'd lose all respect for him.

@Bookworm20. I do agree with you about people saying it’s ‘controlling ‘ if you can’t agree with it in your marriage— presumably it’s controlling too if we get shitty about gambling, drugs, gaming all night- whatever— ! Where do you draw the line — it’s not controlling to say you aren’t ok with it in your marriage, just as it’s not controlling to say you don’t want to live with a gambler or an alcoholic or a weed smoker— they are all ‘habits/vices’ and everyone’s entitled to have things that they are ‘not ok’ with. If the partner wants to carry on with it and risk divorce - then that’s up to them

Well you either put up with it or divorce him. He won't change.

@capricornbracelet. I hear you!! I would prefer it if men were honest about it rather than pretending to not be remotely interested — thing is if you are both fine about it and it’s known about , then all well and good — if they know you aren’t fine with it (or certainly not fine with it as a virtually daily habit) - then it’s just plain disrespectful in my opinion even if they go all out to hide it. It seems not a mega thing to end to a marriage for- but it’s enough to put a damper on how you feel about them

Men have been interested in porn since it was invented. I found copies of my dads porn mags in the 70’s! It’s not a new thing.