Tick tock: the one where Geller discovers Polly is no longer a doormat

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

AKA Co-parenting: I do not think it means what you think it means

Here we go again my lovelies! Will this be the one where I finally get divorced?!

Previous thread here

I have clock news! Turns out, no one wants it. Quelle surprise. Could I sell it? No, sez I, it’s worth ha’penny tuppence on a good day. Plus, no time.

Ha ha.

I suggested, because I am a kind hearted soul and because it’s already in a box and I don’t know which one that they keep the clock face and I get rid of the mechanism and the case. That appears to be a reasonable compromise. Pass me an axe.

The reason for the clock conversation? My brother phoned. My mother has given away my grandfather’s WW1 medals to a museum. WTF?! We’re going to try and get them back. She can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Solicitors on the other side for the house purchase are useless. Estate agent spoke to them today. They are awaiting proof of ID and funds on account?! WTF. I lost my shit a bit. I’d just come back from having a filling so I sounded three gins down, which I’m sure added to the effect.

Oh, and I haven’t stopped laughing for the last hour. A friend has found Geller’s profile on a dating app. It contains such gems as ‘addressing climate change one word at a time in my career as a professional’ and goes on to claim he ‘always has time’

Given me the best laugh I’ve had since my solicitor said she’d call me just to be sure that I wanted to file for absolute once the finance order is made…

Anyway, buckle up loves. It’ll be a ride, as ever…glad you could join me.

How ate you polly ? Hows the house & garden project ?

Bonsoir, mes amis! This update comes to you courtesy of airport wifi…I am returning from a long weekend in the Alps. With DB. No SIL as she is away. Had a really lovely time, lots of running and swimming and drinking too much rose and no arguments and reasonable behaviour then…this afternoon I went Paraponting!!! Basically ran off a mountain with a terribly enthusiastic and small Frenchman called Eric, then bumbled about on the thermals for half an hour whilst trying not to think about falling.

the house is lovely, my garden will be rioting out of control, I can’t wait to get home! Going to have the house rewired in August whilst I am away with the Dollies. After that I can decorate.

Geller continues to be a complete prat.

the messages this weekend have been unbelievable. But I have pushed back! The worm has turned. And it worked, he shut up. God, he really is insufferable.

I miss Westley so much. We have spoken a couple of times. Not doing too well at this breaking up thing. He has a month to go until he goes properly.

i have a month to try and sort my shit out. I feel fat and tired and jaded and I can’t shake this bloody cough and I NEED to get the house sorted a bit more before the summer holidays. I can do it, one last push and I’ll feel so much better for it.

how’s everyone else doing?

I think you are doing brilliantly and if you strip out the post breakup sadness you will see that you need to stop demanding perfection of yourself. You're way, way, way too hard on yourself. </stern>

I'm having a lovely time not working, having realised I really dodged a major burnout when I quit my job. I'm now starting to see jobs that actually appeal to me and that I want to do! And I'm spending time with all my favourite people, i.e. the DC and the cats.

Wow. I'm glad you had a good time with DB. An absolutely positive step - and long may that last.

Go to the pharmacist and ask about something for your cough (which I'm sure is exhausting you, without anything else you are dealing with). Take each thing in its turn (I'm including twat Geller in this) and try not to be superwoman too often.

If necessary get a gardener in to do the rough work so you can just enjoy the planning and pottering. You've got enough in your plate. 🌹

A hot drink of honey and a shake of apple cider vinegar, as strong as you can stomach it, is amazing to get rid of a cough

try sage tea for coughs, I add a (large) spoonful of raw honey to it.

and well done for stopping Gellers nonsense.

Gosh you're a braver woman than I Polly, paraponting sounds terrifying if fun! Not sure I wouldn't squeal too much to do it! I screamed the whole way round on Air at Alton Towers when friends persuaded me it wasn't like other roller coasters! Haven't been on a proper one since.
Getting the electrics done is a bit daunting but yay for when it's over. Glad you had a good time and were able to shut up the Gellar!

Is the tiredness & cough a remnant from Covid ? It's fairly frequent. I was watching a doc on an acupuncturist just yesterday who seemed to be able to help with after-covid problems.. if that swings your boat you could try one ?
Interesting that you had a good time with DB while SIL was absent !!!
Did you discuss your Mother's dementia?
Have you told Geller you are going to court over the financial deadlock ? He wont be keen!
Of course he was messaging you all the your w/e, what better way to ruin it for you? He wouldn't want you enjoying yourself while he is having/creating battles with the dds. I sincerely hope you told him to fuck off, to call your brother in case of life & death (not his) & blocked the tosser

You are doing really well.

Polly sounds like a really good break.

I swear by Covonia for coughs, though if it is really persistent would be worth seeing GP?

Ooh and high five for the Geller slapdown!

Sorry the Westley stuff is so hard. I hope it gets easier.

If the cough is from the lungs rather than the throat tickle cough, then try and get your Dr to prescribe an inhaler. Works for me, but does take a few weeks if it has settled in.

How is life in the fast lane ?

Oh, my friends. If you were Geller, where would you hide your bonus?

I got the revised form back from his solicitor. He's had a stonking payrise. And ... roll of drums... his pension has gone up by a SIGNIFICANT amount. No prizes for guessing what is happening there.

And the upshot of me pushing back whilst I was away? He's threatening to drop to 3 or 4 days next year so the maintenance for the Dollies drops. Quelle surprise (he always does this, It's not new)

My solictor now says the best thing to do (as it looks like such a bad deal for me) is to let it go in front of the court along with a letter she is drafting detailing the abuse and situation. He's such a prat.

In other news, the cough is a bit better. Thanks for the recommendations - I've been on the covonia and have also used DD1's brown inhaler for the past couple of weeks...if it doesn't improve more I'll head to the acupuncturist.

Westley and I have messaged a few hundred times and it's not long now til he permanently decamps. I'm doing mostly ok with it. It can't change. Just got to not hold out hope for him coming back to visit and us starting up again. I've zero desire to date, quite happy by myself with all my projects etc. I was talking to a friend the other day about it and she said how worried she'd been about me last summer and what little self respect I'd had for myself and that they'd all been concerned, and that they all think I've come a really long way and they're proud of me. Which was lovely.

DB and I did talk about the parents, and about their financial situation and how tight they are - a lot of old resentments came out from both sides - his gut feel is that there isn't anything 'wrong' other than old age and her personality traits becoming exaggerated - he thinks it's nothing new, just that I'm noticing it more.

I am absolutely getting it in the neck from my mother about missing that damn lunch. My friend emailed me pics and said how sorry she was I hadn't made it but that of course they'd all understood and if they can do anything please say and hopes to see me soon etc. DM, on the other hand, is like a dog with a fucking bone about it.

I've been swimming in the outdoor pool this week as it's been so hot, and yesterday managed to completely embarrass myself. I usually swim with a very good friend. She said she didn't think she'd manage it yesterday but she'd see me in the pool if she did, but that her hair was manky so she'd be in a hat. So I'm there doing my mile and lo! I spot her.

I came up behind her and tickled her toes.

It wasn't my friend.

@StuckInPollyannaMode

where would you hide your bonus?

Cayman Islands? Premium bonds?

Sad to see Geller is still being an absolute douche and glad that your solicitor is on the case.

Re Westley: will you still be able to buy his car when he decamps? That'll be one slightly positive thing and you won't have to consider your dad's car in the future.

I bet that lady in the pool was a bit surprised! Hopefully she didn't think you were too weird and accepted the case of mistaken identity. 😄

How lovely your friends have told you how proud they are of you. Remember that lovely feeling when you grey rock/tune out your mother as much as you can. She'll, sadly, never change for the better - I wonder how your brother copes. Is it a case that, for her, he can do no wrong because he's male. 🌹

How lovely to have a friend notice how far you have come and to tell you that. I know you hear it from here, but lovely from someone who is actually in your life.

Geller is never going to change, sooner you get to court the better. This finance stuff hanging over your head is going to be a huge stress until it is completed.

Perhaps you should say you want to pension share 😜🥳

Does that mean you can redo your Maths, & are upping your demand?
Serve him sodding right for dicking about all this time

From your examples I can't say whether your brother is right about your mother or whether there's more going on, but either way grey rock is your friend.

As for Geller - well, are we surprised? Just go after everything you're entitled to. No more nice Polly, he's blown it good and proper. As for him going down to 3 or 4 days - he will either give up on that or learn to parent.

Where would I hide bonus? In my pension. If he’s not hit his life time limit on his pension fund he’s whacking chunks of his salary into it.

if he’s has hit his lifetime limit on his pension fund he will be receiving a pension allowance separate from his salary.

I would love to go through his payslips and bank statements. I bet they make very interesting reading!

as for your mother stop taking her calls for a bit. You’re terribly busy and she’s not got anything to say that you need to hear right now.

yay for good friends. Your toe tickling episode could be worse. A friend was walking down the street and saw his sister and another friend walking little way ahead of him, he went racing down towards the women walking a bit out of synch with his sister and her friend expecting it to be me, and jumped out in front of her yelling wildly to scare me… it wasn’t me 😆😆😆

Is he saying he'll drop your days with the Dollies so he pays less? Sorry I was a bit confused!

He can't hack what he already does and the Dollies won't want more will they?

I hope any doubts over his abusive behaviour have vanished!

Surely if it goes to court (and you must absolutely do that if your SHL thinks that is the best option for you, Polly) Geller is going to be forced to share his financial situation, and then be made to share it with you fairly?

Sorry, I have no experience of this in real life, but several pp have been saying to take it to court several hundred times on your threads, so maybe that's now what you do. I know that was never your first choice (because you're a nice, resonable person, unlike Geller). But now? Now, let him look like a tightwad dad in court. That'll do his reputation the world of good in his social circle... oh, wait... maybe it won't...

And I bet he'll care about that...

I would also really strongly advise for going for half his pension.

I think Geller is threatening to drop his working days so his income drops so he pays less for the Dollies in CM. What a guy!

@frazzledasarock wins the prize. His pension has gone up £65k. The markets aren’t doing THAT well!

Let the judge decide.

friends over tonight for Pimms in the garden, I’m wearing a new (to me) dress and Westley has just messaged to say have a super evening.

Grey rock your mother.

Take thevadvice you are paying for.
Let it be stated in court you believe he is willfully hiding money from the court.
Let him try and lie.
Have you considered a forensic account via your SHL?

Go after everything you can.
Do not spare him in the slightest.

No sorry @RandomMess hes saying he’ll drop his days at work. So less CM. Not increased time with the kids