developments - insecurity about dh's colleague - need to build my confidence

[pinklemonade84]

I posted last week about feeling insecure about dh's colleague.

We've had some developments in that dh has caught her spraying herself with perfume the last 2 times he's given her a lift. The last time, he actually asked her not to and lied saying dd was sensitive to scents with her chest, as he didn't want to cause any upset. He's also noticed her following him around at work. And he's told me that he's starting to feel a bit awkward in the car with her because if he mentions something about dd (for example he said he was chatting about dd enjoying football as her boots had been left in the front of the car after practice), apparently she tries to immediately steer the conversation away from anything to do with us as a family. His manager has also noticed her increase in attention on him (apparently she's been talking about him alot when they've not been on shift together) and has asked him to be aware as she's done this before with another colleague

Now, to be fair to dh, he really is trying to help to build my confidence. He's been so lovely the past few days. He's been trying to pay me more attention and has been giving more compliments than he used to. I know it's early days, and it doesn't make up for the years, but, he genuinely is trying. And we're going to start trying to get out once a month or so, which I think is definitely going to help us to reconnect

I don't want to place it all on him and that it's his responsibility to help me snap out of this as that's not fair on him. I need to take the bulk of the responsibility. So, what I was wondering, was if anyone has any suggestions to help me to do this please?

@Dumblebum

If her attitude towards me hadn't been what it was, then I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest about the lifts

I’m very surprised you’ve written this because on your other thread you’d written you were very bothered and crying about it to him and upset you could smell her perfume and even dressed in some sexy underwear where you’d thought you’d show him it straight after she’d been in the car.

As in, if she'd been fine with me (like his other couple of colleagues that I've met are) and not given me the impression that she did, then I'd have been able to settle myself down over the insecurity and it wouldn't have bothered me about him carrying on with the lifts

@Soul31 he's genuinely not the kind of person who would thrive off this. He's an awkward thing and is very shy. But, I do get why people would think this would be a big ego boost for him