I’m in a pickle, and I keep changing my mind about what to do! Basically myself and my friend are both single (I’m female, he is male). Nothing had ever happened between us, despite that fact that quite a few people have asked whether there’s something going on! We message each other most days, and get together one evening a week socially (usually with others there) and the occasional coffee just the two of us. We’ve been friends for about 10 years - back then I was married and he had a long term girlfriend.
So… nothing has ever happened romantically, but people who know us both often say we should be together and they don’t understand why we aren’t. I’d say he is one of my best friends, and I’ve never thought of him in a romantic sense - until now! I don’t know what has happened, but all of a sudden I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s right there in my head when I wake up and pretty much stays there all day. When my phone buzzes with a message and his name pops up I get this little flip in my stomach and smile because I know he must have been thinking about me, even just for a second. He’s never said or done anything that makes me think he sees me as anything other than a friend, but then again I’ve not given him or anyone else that impression either. But I think, out of nowhere, I’ve completely fallen for him! And I really don’t know what to do.
Part of me wants to tell him, and see what happens. Also because I tell him everything usually so it feels strange keeping this secret. But there’s a huge part that is terrified that he doesn’t feel the same (which I suspect is the case) and if I say anything we’ll feel awkward around each other and I’ll mess up the relationship that we do have. He is always on dating apps and messaging various women which makes me think he’s not interested in me. But then maybe he is the same as me in that he doesn’t want to risk losing our friendship, and he’s assuming I don’t feel that way about him, so he’s getting on with his dating life. And the more he’s on dating apps the more likely he is to find someone and I might miss the chance to tell him how I feel.
I’m so confused.
Do I keep quiet so that I don’t risk losing the friendship that we have?
Is it possible that he might feel the same, but isn’t showing it or telling me because he’s also not wanting to risk the friendship if I wasn’t interested?
Should I just be honest and tell him, because we’re adults and it really doesn’t need to be that big a drama?
Should I tell him because actually he could be the love of my life if he feels the same?
If I keep quiet, how on earth do I get over my feelings and be normal, especially when he does start seeing someone new and I will inevitably feel like poop?
I love spending time with him and would be devastated if that stopped.
What would you do?